Couch 252: Kitties and Hawks

I've been really unhappy at work for a while now. We had layoffs in June where half of my team was laid off which has obviously impacted my work. I won't get into the boring specifics, but I'm also concerned that when they finally get around to replacing the kind of old and outdated application I work on, the rest of us are going to be tossed out like old trash.

I found out yesterday that starting in January I can no longer work from home except on Fridays. I've been WFH since March 2020. I feel like having to suddenly spend 8 hours a day around a bunch of noisy people is going to cause some anxiety issues for me.

Another concern is that I have pretty bad arthritis in both my knees which makes getting around difficult for me and I'm concerned that I'm going to have to walk long (for me) distances because of the parking situation and/or where my desk will be located in whatever building we end up in. I'm thinking I may have to try to get a disabled parking permit and I don't want to do that. I don't feel like I deserve one and I don't want people judging me because I have a significant weight issue and my knee issues are all my fault.

I'm scared to look for another job because I still have depression issues and I'm afraid I won't be able to perform well in interviews. Also the job market is kind of **** right now.

I feel like giving up right now. I'm too embarrassed to tell my therapist that all these issues are causing SI for me right now. Everybody goes through stuff and I feel like I have to suck it up and deal with it like the rest of the world does, not want to just give up.

Thinking of you for tomorrow, LT!

Thanks, Scarlet! That means a lot.

Sending you love LT. Hope you can get some rest.

I'm sorry, LT.

I am so sorry, LT! I really hope you can draw on all your support during this time: family, friends, therapists, doctors, here, etc. As L would say, now is the time to rally your troops. Please please use here as much as you need. And as much as you want to share, I’d love for updates along the way.

I'm sorry LT. An anecdote that maybe will provide you some hope during a time I imagine you're scared. My mom had breast cancer over 20 years ago, they removed it with a lumpectomy, did some radiation and it's never come back. It's not always a grim outcome and I'm hoping that yours is the same.

So sorry to hear that, LT.

Thank you for taking the time to explain the situation.

Sending hugs,

Lost

So it's cancer, got the message in MyChart around 5:30 today (too late to talk to a doctor). Invasive ductal carcinoma. Grade is 3, which is bad...more aggressive (cells are very different from my normal cells--note that it's not the same as stage, which they can't assess yet without checking lymph nodes, etc.). But it's small, less than a centimeter. Hope to talk to a doctor tomorrow. This is the negative of receiving results online when they're ready--I'm left to google what it means, which seems doom and gloom. Hope I can get surgery soon to get this weird blob out of me. Then do whatever is needed after to keep it away.

ETA: "Invasive" doesn't mean metastatic, just that it's not confined to the milk duct (which would be ductal carcinoma in situ).

I'm so sorry to hear this news, LT. My spouse received a similar diagnosis earlier this year and she's doing very well now. I was surprised and pleased to learn that breast cancer treatment has advanced so much. We have so much more knowledge and targeted treatment available now. I was also amazed at how many resources are available for cancer patients and their families through the hospital system. Support groups, nutrition classes, free 12-week memberships to the Y, and more. I'm sure that your area will have the same or similar options. Best of luck to you on this journey.