my T said it was ok for me to die

silent, Please try the other T, just give it a shot and see what happens?

(((((((Silent))))))))))
Please try another T. Discuss what is happening and see what the T says. It's like getting another opinion, and you deserve that! You say you are depressed which can make your thinking distorted. Please listen to what we are saying to you. Make another appointment with the other T you were going to see and share all of this with her/him. It can't hurt! I am so worried about you! I know it is difficult. YOU CAN DO THIS! I know you can! Love ya'

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silenthill said:
yes i did call and made a appt with another T,but i didn't go i couldn't do it, i just can't get this other client out of my mind,i don't know i feel like i'm going crazy,am i going crazy

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Silent, I don't ususally post much on here but your story is sad. Please know that people here care about you and don't want to see you being used, as your therapist is doing.

What do you mean above, by "can't get this other *client* out of my mind"?? The other person your T said wants to kill herself also?

Sorry if I seem to be butting in, but this therapist is harming you, not helping you; reading back in your history; she has borrowed money, lots, from you; now she agrees that it is ok for you to die! NO way!
She is way off base and behaving criminally toward you in my opinion. I wish you could get a tape recording of her saying this stuff; she would be in big trouble, especially owing you money.

Please think more of yourself than this; you are worth it! My heart breaks for your situation with an abusive husband, now your therapist for some time now......please find an ethical therapist who cares. There are plenty out there. I have the best psychiatrist one could ask for. SHe would be apalled at this story and would never ever borrow money from a patient. She is the director of the clinic I go to. Do you live near a university med school where they have outpatient psychiatry? They would be ethical. There are too many therapists out there in the world who have no regulations on them, and no one polices their ethics or lack thereof.

You need help. I will be praying for you and I hope that does not offend you. You mentioned you have a church family? Can your pastor assist you in any way? Please get help and don't let these people keep controlling you. You have a lot of life left to live and things will get better!
YOU CAN DO THIS!

my T emailed me back here is what she said

it's NOT a contest. i believe all lives are equally important. we
need to talk about this in person, not in email

my T called me, she said she messd up and she was sorry,that she had no right to say that.she said she was hurting and it just came out.
i should feel better now,but i don't,because i made her feel bad,it feels like i let her down,maybe it is the depression,i don't know any more

I'm glad she apologized. I don't think that explains her asking you for money. I still would advise that you find another T. Thank her for an apology and move on to someone who is perhaps a healthier and more supportive therapist.

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silenthill said:
my T called me, she said she messd up and she was sorry,that she had no right to say that.she said she was hurting and it just came out.
i should feel better now,but i don't,because i made her feel bad,it feels like i let her down,maybe it is the depression,i don't know any more

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silent, you didn't make your T feel bad. She knows that she's done somethings VERY wrong and hurtful to you, so her own actions make her feel bad. As well they should!

It sounds like you care for your T, and I can understand that. But your T isn't healthy. She needs to have a T of her own and work out her boundary issues, as well as learn how not to lash out at clients in frustration.

You need a T that has their own issues straightened out a bit better, and who keeps the boundaries in place that will make this a safe, supportive relationship.

Right now, you're being held hostage emotionally because you feel badly for pointing out when she's done something incredibly out of line and hurtful to you. Right now, you're being taken advantage of by a person in a position of trust and power in your life. It just isn't right.

Instead, you need AND DESERVE a therapist who understands that your needs are the focus. A therapist who knows what a healthy, supportive therapeutic connection looks like. A therapist who would protect, rather than misuse you. There are many T's out there like that, and you can find one. I promise.

Please, Please, PLEASE... see another therapist.



Best of luck to you

Based upon what you've said, yes, I agree that this T has her own issues and it might be in your own best interest to try the other T. Trust is a big issue regarding the therapeutic process, and I doubt you can develop that with this T.

You don't go to a T to be further injured.
Please see the other T who can also help you heal from this breech of civility by this T.

thanks everyone for helping me sort this out

i don't think i could start over with a new T, i'm to tired

Silenthill, you need to get away from this T and get your money back from her. You need a lawyer. You also need to make sure your husband does not hurt you while you do this; you need to go to a women's shelter and take someone with you to tell him about the money and how you are working to get it back. You cannot move forward until these huge weights are removed from your shoulder that are keeping you stuck with this therapist who continues to hurt you and your husband of whom you are afraid. Think of them as "practical" problems; getting money owed you and making sure you are safe.

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silenthill said:
i don't think i could start over with a new T, i'm to tired

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Well, maybe just quit with this one but don't start another one right now if it is too much. It really sounds like you are better off without this T whether you find a new one right away or not.

Several times over the past months you have posted about the money owed situation with your T. And many people have given good advice about getting legal assistance, going to a women's shelter, reporting this T to her board or supervisor, etc. I always wonder how it turned out, what decisions you made, if you followed the advice, etc. Then later you post again and I see you in the same situation and my heart just breaks for you. Can you please, please, please try to get legal help or advice at a women's shelter? And please, please, please can you stop seeing this T? She has embezzled money from you, and dropped hints she wants you to commit suicide. Please see how this destructive this is to you and care for yourself and get away.

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sunrise said:
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silenthill said:
i don't think i could start over with a new T, i'm to tired

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Well, maybe just quit with this one but don't start another one right now if it is too much. It really sounds like you are better off without this T whether you find a new one right away or not.

Several times over the past months you have posted about the money owed situation with your T. And many people have given good advice about getting legal assistance, going to a women's shelter, reporting this T to her board or supervisor, etc. I always wonder how it turned out, what decisions you made, if you followed the advice, etc. Then later you post again and I see you in the same situation and my heart just breaks for you. Can you please, please, please try to get legal help or advice at a women's shelter? And please, please, please can you stop seeing this T? She has embezzled money from you, and dropped hints she wants you to commit suicide. Please see how this destructive this is to you and care for yourself and get away.

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I had a bad T and it made me really go down hill. She once told me to buy flowers for my mom for mothers day cut all the flowertops off and leave the flowers on her porch with a card...who had more issues me or her??????Get out of this situation the only reason your T apologized IMHO is that you starting emailing her which put her in a spot since she was not alone with you anymore she was on the world wide web where nothing is secret and everything can be traced she is clever like a fox and able to keep you under her control she is using you she is not ethical and you NEED to move on and get a healthy T that will work for you not herself...Que

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silenthill said:
no she ment it was ok.she told me she is seeing other person who wants to die,she said she thinks this other person will do it befor me,i guess we will have to see

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Sorry, I've been lurking on this thread. If you T actually said this or even implied it, you need need to find a new one.

i wonder if that other person who is suicidal also loaned the t money - there may be a reason she is encouraging you both....

I do hope you'll stay safe and get away from this new abuser in your life.

besides - you get out from under all this and you won't be so tired!!

=) kiya

to be fair to my T, she sees me with out pay, i have ins but she doesn't bill them, my husband doesn't let me go any where but to take the boys to school and to T appts, and meetings that he setup, i fight to go to my T, i guess i understand that its hard for her, i don't know

I haven't read all the responses here, just the original post.

I think your T was responding to the attention seeking part of suicidal thoughts and by stating that she (and life) will go on, maybe attempting to prompt you to think about what it is you really want. Usually this is change of some kind, but we don't always know what. It might be just that whatever is going on we wish wasn't going on, or could be we know we want change but are afraid of it or we think we can't possibly attain what we want which might be for so many different reasons, or we might just not have words for it and T can help you find those words.....

These thoughts grab our attention and state about us just *how very much* we are hurting and need something. When there are no words to describe the pain we're feeling or words to say what it is we want or need, then we feel helpless and hopeless and our thoughts can go to just not even being here.

I hope with all my heart that you will be talking with your T about this...how you are feeling about her response to you on this topic, what this topic means to you, any feelings or wants or needs that come up when you think about this topic.

I don't know, I'm still really worried about you.

Is your husband abusive towards the children aswell? If so, you really do need to get the hell out of it! For the childrens sake.

Please look into finding a place of safety that you and your children can go to, I'm surprised your T hasn't helped you with this.

Your T has broken several ethical rules, taking a loan from you, advocating it is ok to die and saying that she would sit with you while you did it! Not only that but your T should not be sharing information about her other patients. These are all big No! No's!

Sending hugs to you. (((((((((( silenthill )))))))))) Please consider what I am saying.

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silenthill said:
to be fair to my T, she sees me with out pay, i have ins but she doesn't bill them, my husband doesn't let me go any where but to take the boys to school and to T appts, and meetings that he setup, i fight to go to my T, i guess i understand that its hard for her, i don't know

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You cannot get well with two other adults running your life. It is not okay for your therapist to reveal herself in such a way that you "understand that its hard for her" and it is not okay that your husband "let" you do anything! You are an autonomous person and need to learn to grow in that capacity and teach it to your sons. Please go tell your story to a women's shelter one day instead of T. Your T does not see you without pay, she owes you an enormous amount of money you did not have, could not afford to give her! You cannot steal from yourself to help others!

why is your T borrowing money from you? and therefore puttingyou in danger from your husband? why has she not suggested a womans shelter? its never ok to die. its never ok to say its ok. unless that person is terminally ill and wants the dignity. but idk
where is this Ts professional boundaries? work and home life are seperate. house is home. you are work. they must never meet. you shouldnt be loaning her money. end of.

dot

Silent...I am new here and this is one of the 1st posts I have read.

I dont understand why your T would say such a thing to you but it was wrong because suicide is never the answer EVER no matter what.

it is nothing but

A permanent solution to a temporary problem and you just don't know what it does to those who love you that you leave behind...in a way it destroys them for life.
or at least that is how i feel after my brothers suicide.

from reading your posts and replies I get a feeling that you are blaming yourself for your T's negative words and probably for many other things as well.

I say this because I can so relate to that.
a feeling of unworthiness is hard to change and it just makes us think their really is no hope for us..

but there is ...we just haven't found it yet but just by being here shows you want to get better.

I think your abusive husband is just making it so much worse for you...I was in a abusive marriage too and I was a zombie when I was with him...not saying I am not a zombie now but there is nobody here to hurt me and prevent me from healing now.

U need to leave him...no matter what it takes..call someone for help..go to a shelter ..just get out of that marriage....focus on being free from him without dying.


Try not to be so hard on yourself....not everything bad that happens is your fault...bad things happen to everyone for different reasons and bad things happens more to some people than to others.

but nothing in life is a mistake unless you haven't learned something from it...even if it has to happen a thousand times b4 we learn.

hang tough and get the help you need to heal and NEVER give up!

so the question becomes, silent hill, what are you going to do?
Take care of your self and your kids, your finances and your life by seeing help from an organization or shelter than can act and get you to safety?

Or stay in the current situation and wish it to change with two people dictating your life and telling you lies under the really messed up guise of caring for you?

it is tough to get out - i know all too well - but YOU can DO IT!

all you have to do (other than make the decision to act) is call a crisis line number. They can start the ball rolling.
best to you!!!!

silent instead of paying your T to verbally abuse you, ( yes verbal abuse, because she condones your wanting to die) go to a sincere T that will be supportive of you, as was said by others, if she talks about another client to you she is talking about you to others

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silenthill said:
to be fair to my T, she sees me with out pay, i have ins but she doesn't bill them, my husband doesn't let me go any where but to take the boys to school and to T appts, and meetings that he setup, i fight to go to my T, i guess i understand that its hard for her, i don't know

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Lots of T's (including mine) see some clients without pay. It's called pro-bono work, and I believe actually everyone is supposed to do a certain amount of it, to serve ppl who can't afford it. They can write it off for a tax break.

My T has seen me for free for a couple of years, and she would NEVER in a MILLION YEARS even consider asking me to loan her money or take out a loan for her. Not EVER. It's completely and totally 100% unquestionable WRONG. Your T should and would lose her license if this was reported.

Pls, this is not a good T for you. I'm sure she has many wonderful qualities and that you care for her a lot. I'm sure that she says things that help you, and make you feel good. But you need more than that in a T. You need someone who can model appropriate boundaries, teach you that you have rights, and give you a healthy relationship. Your T clearly isn't capable of that. She needs some therapy herself first.

Pls consider seeing another T. There are so many great ones out there!

Im sure by my post count you can tell, I dont really say much.....but from reading through this whole thread just about....I think what is happening....is awful, at home....with the abuse....and you should never allow that, but easy for me to say right....that's why it took me three times and things only got worse, before I divorced my husband....I tried leaving, and did many things suggested here.....please dear ((((((((Silent))))))....please listen to some of these very wise and caring folks here....and get out if you are able to, if its safe....if not, ask for help....thier are ways....please dont give up.....your children need a safe home to grow.....dont blame yourself for all the wrong.....please dear......I know your saying its difficult, but please....somehow, get a new T....right away.....so much has been wronged to you......will be keeping you in prayer....and sending gentle hugs......hope you are able to get the right people to help you soon dear......