[MissCharlotte]

OMG OMG OMG

It is amazing how often lately I have felt like I was facing a wall with respect to my therapy. Just when I am ready to quit altogether (well, all right not really) I am madly in love again.

Had an awful day yesterday--lots of suicidal ideation. I was in a dissociated state most of the day and couldn't pull myself out of it. Finally, I called T and we made a phone appt for today.

Of course, today I woke up and the light was on!!!!!! (And I felt like, duh...) But we had the most wonderful and please excuse the term, therapeutic discussion.

He is so there, so willing, and even insistent on me taking the lead in my therapy. His only comments are at times to point out a conflict in what I am saying or to make a (very) occasional suggestion. Oh, and of course his interpretations.

Today he made the best suggestion in our year and half together.
He told me to pick out a book and we would read together to try and help me with my cutting. Although I am not young, we both figure that when I cut, I am. So, we are going to read together!!!!!
This is my biggest fantasy come true.

OMG, I just wish it were Rumpelstiltskin.

I love my T. Yes, I do!

[Perna]

Why can't it be Rumpelstiltskin? This is a wonderful take on it which I highly recommend:

http://www.amazon.com/Spinners-Donna...dp/014131110X/

awwww that is so wonderful! I'm glad u feel so supported.

[tulips30]

Sometimes I read a post that just makes me sigh and ...........feel warm & good inside. This is one of those posts. Sometimes therapy works just like you need it to. (please excuse my dangling preposition)

tulips

[Kiya]

that's cool. my t is totally freaked about my cutting. your's is going to *read* with you.
can i come visit your t, too?!?

[MissCharlotte]

Ha Kiya,

Yeah. Come on for storytime...anytime!

[MissCharlotte]

omg Perna,

I was the hugest fairy tale reader as a kid. I want to read all of these books now. Probably not with T--but I will read them. I especially like the descrption of "Zel."

[MissCharlotte]

tulips,

Dangle away! Yeah, I feel warm and fuzzy right now too. I hope it lasts a few days...

I wish I could feel warm and fuzzy and good all the time.

Sigh.

[Kiya]

=) i'll be right over

my last t caught me reading a kid's story off her bookshelf while waiting for her. So she took the book from me, sat on the floor in front of me, and read it to me while i curled up on the couch in a ball and tried to hide the tears.

i remember wishing for more moments like that. it is cool that your t will do this with you.
kiya

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
He told me to pick out a book and we would read together to try and help me with my cutting.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I love that you and your T are going to read a book together. That would be very healing. I am interested if you will choose a book that will help you draw closer to T, be connected, etc. and so indirectly help you with your cutting, or if you will choose a book with a direct link to your cutting experience. I think both could be helpful.

My T read me a little book once. He would read each page and then show me the pictures. It was wonderful.

[SweetCrusader]

My T and I read "Mamma, Do you love me?" at my request. It was a VERY special moment for me

http://books.google.com/books?id=_xG...with-thumbnail

[chaotic13]

I'm glad you reconnected with your T. The reading thing sounds both nice and interesting. How long are your appointments? Just curious.

I love how the human connection can be fostered through an activity-type connection in therapy. He knows you and he knows that this would be really special for you. The connection is already there, but I bet this will make it stronger.

[MissCharlotte]

Sunny,

I haven't decided on the book yet but I am thinking of a book that would help us both get to know the child within who is cutting and hurting so bad.

I think that--no matter the book choice--the shared experience will bring us closer.

Sweet,
What an awesome book to share with your T.

McKell,

My sessions are 45 minutes.

[MissCharlotte]

Pink,

YES!! He does know me. I can finally say that he does know me. Wow, it took a long time and a lot of working through to be able to say that. And, yes, it feels special.

Hmmmmmmm, the human connection? As opposed to? LOL

Peace

[Fuzzybear]

aww your T sounds so there with you

[chaotic13]

MissCharlotte,

Sorry one more question-Promise!
This is probably an obvious one but- Do you think his choosing this activity is directly related to him trying help you connect and embrace the inner child you talked about before? It seems like a neat activity that both the adult you and the child aspect of you would find appealing, comforting, and personal. If so, that is really cool.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MissCharlotte said:

Hmmmmmmm, the human connection? As opposed to? LOL


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Oh, you know...... an animal connection of some sort.

[ECHOES]

I am so happy for you!

To think of where you and T were not very long ago!! What an amazing reconnection you two have achieved. You really are an inspiration for hanging in there, in therapy, when it gets really really tough. You stayed, you kept your appointments, you kept talking and now here you and T are in this wonderful place!!

Maybe "War and Peace"? hehe.. no, I mean because it's so long.... would take a long wonderful time to read together

Could you ask him how he came to making that suggestion? (so I can get my T to suggest it too )

[MissCharlotte]

mckell,

You can ask as many questions as you need to!

Here's the deal. T and I were talking about this horrible day i had Friday. I crashed big time. I was relaying to him how it felt and everything I did to try and pull myself back and finally just took some klonopin and went to sleep.

He said that he has done this with some clients who have come in with problems with their children. They read a book together and figure out a plan to deal with the issue.

So, to answer your question--yes, I believe it is directly talking to the inner child. I said to him that all the literature on cutting refers to much younger/adolescent women. And we both agreed that the "me" who cuts is much, much younger than the me who sits in that room with him! So.....have I completely confused you?

In other words, I am going to try to parent the "me" who is in so much pain. The mother in me wants to help the younger me. So, we will work together on this. Yeah--it feels cool!