Trigger icon for mention of self-injury

That's what he said at the end of the session today. "Just tell me what it is you need. Phone calls, whatever... " I said to him, "Isn't it too much?" And he said, "For who?" I told him, "For you, of course." And you know what his answer was? "You have showed me so much thought and empathy lately, do you know that?"

We had an amazing session today. He was very excited about a few things that I have going on for my treatment, including a support group that I am going to tonight-- for women with borderline personality d/o. He kept saying, "I'm so excited! Maybe I'm too excited!!" It was so cute. I offered him a Klonopin to calm him down, hahahahaha. He said, "I'm having racing thoughts!" He said that he wanted to call ahead to the group and tell them to watch out, lol. He knows me so well-- said that he was having so many funny thoughts of me interacting in the group, but was really so happy that I was going to do this.

We talked about the moment last night during my cutting in which I reached out to come back to my authentic self and how that transition was so important in stopping the behavior.

He even said to me, "Oh, when I came in the office today I was listening to one of the CD's you made for me...." I had made him two mix CDs months ago. I didn't think he even thought of them anymore. He started to talk about some of the songs and how he was thinking about how they related to me.

We talked about the emotional-body connection, which is one that I rarely explore because I get uncomfortable talking about my body with him. I told him that I felt uncomfortable and disgusting. He said, "How can anyone who feels uncomfortable and disgusting with their body wear gold shoes?" LOL. I said, well you know me-- I am never one to be boring. I would feel more uncomfortable if I was wearing something plain. He said, "I like those shoes!" I asked him if he wanted to borrow them, haha.

We also talked about the notion of wanting to be held by him in session, but how that would be crossing a boundary-- so to think about how I can feel held by him without actually physically being held. And then he said, "But don't worry-- you can still shake my hand!"
I stayed grounded for the entire session. I fought very hard to do so at the end, but I did it. I showed him some of my scars and he experienced the pain with me.

That sounds lovely pinksoil. The most amazing thing in the world when the match is there and the connection feels right. You wouldn't believe how long and hard and far I looked to find a t that I can feel connected with. Never thought it was going to happen for me.

I love it how you can be playful and jokey with him. That is an aspect of me that I'd like to foster. I don't think my t gets to see that side of me. I don't think anybody does. I don't think I know how to let that out. Memories of me with my arms held out with optimism and enthusiasm and the inevitable reprimand.

I'm excited for you about group, too! I hope it goes well for you. I wasn't that keen on my group for BPD to start with... But over time the people grew on me immensely and I was sad to leave. They helped me a lot with respect to my seeing how some of my behaivour impacted on others... And they helped me a lot with respect to feeling understood... I hope it goes well for you.

[(JD)]

Yes, let us know how you like your group too! Good wishes.

Pink,

Your connection with your T is so strong. You are very lucky to be with him and him with you!

Just wondering...How long have you been working with him?

punked out pink... hahaha

you know pink... a doctorate is going to suck the fun right out of you.. yup... it's also called BORING school. YOu have to be doing it extra long because you have too much fun in you to be a PhD T yet. Yup, you need to become stale... like a you know what... think old closets (hahahahahahaha)

he seems like he was just RAdiating caring at you... nice

i am peaked by your mention of a way out of this cutting cycle you have been in... can you explain more?

much love to you girl... dont forget about tonight k?