Today T told me a bunch of things that he likes about me and very soon after that I turned into an absolute monster. Just generally very nasty to him, cursing at him, insults, sarcasm, etc. However, I did not realize the connection until he pointed it out.

I was basically saying to him, "See what an %#@&#! I can be? Do you like that now?" (Actually I literally did say that to him, now that I think about it).

I'm not sure what the hell I was doing. Testing him? I already know he's not going anywhere and that my anger is not going to scare him away. As much as I love to hear it, I tend to get very uncomfortable when he tells me things such as he cares about me or he likes something about me. The 'love' thing has never come up again because I couldn't handle it.

[Kiya]

((((((((((((( pink ))))))))))))))))))

[ECHOES]

(((( pink )))

a few weeks ago T told me she was proud of me for something I'd done that she was calling a risk. I was proud of it until she said that. As soon as the words came out of her mouth I was slumping down into the couch, frown on my face, saying several times "It was no big deal."

Why do we push away what we want?

And what if it doesn't come back? What if it stays pushed away?

[MissCharlotte]

((((Pink))))

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I'm not sure what the hell I was doing.

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It feels like you were pushing him away. How old was little Pink was when she felt like this? What was going on in her life?

It's amazing the lengths we go to to protect (unconsciously) our inner selves, isn't it?

Your T is surely a great guy that you can engage him on this level and not scare him away! (I have given mine quite an earful as well.)

You two can get into the ring:

"Let's get ready to rumble!!!!!!!!!!!"

[nothemama8]

pinksoil, you have had alot of emotions flying around lately, if you didn't blow your T would ask what was wrong, don't be upset be thankful your T understands and cares

[Perna]

It's hard to learn how to maintain the distance balance. Don't want to get either swallowed up or be too far away for contact.

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nothemama8 said:
pinksoil, you have had alot of emotions flying around lately, if you didn't blow your T would ask what was wrong, don't be upset be thankful your T understands and cares

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I am always thankful that my T understands and cares. But I can also be upset at the same time. I'm mostly upset because I don't understand myself. It is frustrating. I want to know what is underneath my acting like this. It isn't enough anymore to just say-- oh I'm pushing him away. That isn't therapy. Therapy is to figure out why I'm pushing him away.

[Kiya]

so what would PinkT say to her clients who are in this right now?

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( pink )))))))))))))

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Kiya said:
so what would PinkT say to her clients who are in this right now?

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"I'm gettin' outta here. You're too much like me." LOL, JK. I have to think about this.