[Mouse_]

If you woke up tomorrow and the horrid parts inside had been fixed, how would you know? What would you think/not think, feel/not feel, do/not do that would tell you the horrid parts inside had been fixed? What would be different about what you did/thought/felt that day?

What would be the first thing that would have to change to get you to that place? What would need to happen within you to make that first change?

[Brian37]

wow....thats a deep thinking question...Im not sure it could all happen in the span of one day....but if it did.....it would certainly be nice........I grade my progress in different ways, but I know I'm a hell of a lot better that I was 2-3 years ago because I dont cry every other day and dont think about dying anymore..............life isnt easy but it doesnt have to be miserable either

[chaotic13]

When I am feeling bad, I would just flop down at the kitchen table and spill my guts to whom ever is sitting there. This includes the dog of course :-)

[Cthomas]

Good question. although i have to be honest, i too am better today than 3 years ago. but i dont know HOW i would handle NOT waking up depressed/suicidal or wish i could cut......just always has been there.

It would be a nice change to the life ive grown accustomed to. I would love to wake up every day and say im a good person and i deserve everything wonderful and actually believe that. I am getting there. dont think i will ever get that to 100 percent, but the days i DO think it, its nice.

In order for me to be fixed. i would need a brain transplant!!!!

What would need to change? I would want to move away from where i live, my abuser locked up or gone, and more time with T.

I wish somebody would wave the wand over me and cure my depressed self....that would be a welcome change. Good post.

Colleen

[Perna]

It's very quiet inside for me. There's lots more space. I can decide something and not get as many internal arguments or discussions. Things stay where they're put too, no more telekinesis of memories or feelings.

Sometimes it feels too quiet and I get lonely for the confusion and noise, mistaking it for "family" like a youngest child when its siblings leave home one-by-one to go out on their own. There's power but sometimes lack of direction and no "help" from transference characters who want one to believe they're always right and know what they're doing. It can be scary, the power.

[Mouse_]

Perna good reply. I too see it as what I feel want inside of me and nothing to do with outside circumstances which will change as the inside changes.

For me its my fear of aloness and my keep trying to find it outside of myself. Its being at peace with whatever is going on inside of me and being more objective about my emotions.

[sunrise]

Mouse, your question is really interesting to me. I had a hard time relating to it because I couldn't get past that word, "horrid." I don't feel any parts of me are horrid. I do have a lot of flaws, for example, I am only too willing to take the blame for anything that goes wrong--I see everything as "all my fault"--but this part of me isn't horrid, perhaps just misguided, and I need to work on seeing that other people have responsibilities in relationships too, not just me.

Maybe it's just a different way of answering your question, but maybe instead of thinking of parts of yourself as "horrid," you could just learn to love all of your parts. Mouse, maybe you don't actually have horrid parts!

[Perna]

Sunrise, don't forget she's one of those blatant British, they use "horrid" slightly differently/more often than on our side of the pond?

http://www.effingpot.com/

[sunrise]

What does horrid mean then? I couldn't find it at that link. I think of it as meaning awful or horrible.

[Flowerb]

I've been looking for my joy for a few years now. If I woke up "fixed" I believe I'd feel the possibility of joy again.

I remember moments when everything was as it should be and I was aware of the infinate potential of my life. You feel like you can do ANYTHING in those moments - and you leave off the "if only" part. You are flying, free falling, giggling, laughing and full of love. You embody joy.

Joy can not be caught. It lands on you. Depression steals the possibiity of joy.

I'm not saying I'd wake up joyful. I would just know that it was possible to have those moments again.

[Mouse_]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:

Maybe it's just a different way of answering your question, but maybe instead of thinking of parts of yourself as "horrid," you could just learn to love all of your parts. Mouse, maybe you don't actually have horrid parts!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Im amused you found the word horrid to be a stumbling block, actually I should have made it clear, this was a question presented to me so its not my words, but oh yes I have some horrid parts LOL, we all do, doesnt mean I dont love them, I dont always like them though. Hope that makes it a bit clearer.

[Perna]

It's sometimes known as the "Miracle Question". Another way I've read it is:

Suppose that, in six months time, I’m walking down the street and bump into you: I ask how you are and you say "much better". What will have had to change in order for you to be able to say that and mean it?

[Peanuts]

I think that I would wake up without feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I would not feel fear that the next disaster is just waiting around the corner. I would feel confident that whatever came my way that I could handle it - regardless of whether that whatever is good or bad.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Mouse_ said:
but oh yes I have some horrid parts LOL, we all do,

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I understand that some people may indeed feel that way about themselves, but I actually don't think of myself as having horrid parts. By that I don't mean I'm perfect or completely functional--there's a lot of parts I need to work on. Like I am a person who cannot stand when people get angry at me, I just go into a shell. And I am a person who has trouble setting boundaries. But I don't think those parts of me are horrid, just parts that need work. Anyway, that's just me--dysfunctional but unhorrid!

[MissCharlotte]

I would wake up and feel the sun shining even if it was a gray day.
I would think about myself first and be able to slip out of bed without a single worried thought. I would be able to give freely but more importantly I would be able to receive care and love without rejecting it or viewing it suspiciously.

I would think about T as a loving guide; know he cares about me and be satisfied with that.

I would not think of any of my parts as horrid and I would be able to treat myself with the same gentleness that T does.

Sigh.

[Kiya]

it would be impossible... i'm completely tainted, now and forever. it's even in my brain. if the "horrid parts were fixed" i wouldn't exist - it would all be taken out and i'd be an empty shell - even dead. it would not be possible.
or it would be someone else -someone who got organ transplants everywhere - even new skin without my cell memory.