[ECHOES]

I actually began this thread in Grief and Support (thank you sunny and all for your support there!), and I wanted to copy this post here because it's about my session Tuesday. My T is so supportive and patient and I'm so lucky to have her to work with. One current issue is trying to deal with the loss of someone I've been corresponding with for several years; a person who I felt very close to in a like-the-mother-I-always-wanted-but-never-had at first, then like a T, then most recently like a comfortable friend or beloved relative. A wonderful relationship and long story. The corresponding ended recently on very good terms and I still care very much about her and grieve the loss of this very special person.

...I had a really good session Tuesday night. I told her how I continue to grieve and how recent events (the person I wrote to losing her mother that she had cared for in her home for years) and my need to write my condolences to her.. having stirred up the loss and grief again. So we talked about that.

Then she wanted to talk about "us" There's an "us"!!

She asked if I wanted to talk about the approximately 438 phone calls I'ld made to her over the weekend. (No!! lol) She had called me Monday evening and we spoke briefly, a way of re-connecting and her making sure I was okay. So I said... ummmm.. hehe..which one(s)? We laughed. One message was simply "I don't think you care about me.". Then a callback that I realize that her taking my calls and messages, calling me back, etc say that she cares about me. Then a middle of the night (it was such a rough weekend and night for me) another call telling her I just feel like she doesn't fully 'get' my grief or the connection I have with the person I wrote to.

So she wanted really to talk about that and was glad I could see that I recognized that the phone messages and calls are a way of caring; then she asked me what is it need or would like from her that would make me feel she cares. Oy oy oy... finally after much squirming and exploring the rug, the plant beside me, the table with the pretty lamp, the wallpaper border at the ceiling, and the wall of shelves full of toys for those lucky kids who get to see her and play and paint with her....I finally said (to my shoes, I think) "I want to hear the words!" . Then I wanted to die because I had just spoken my need and desire!! I could not look at her. Could not!

Then she said "I do care about you and about how you feel." and my eyes flew to her eyes and face like the little girl in me wanted to fly to her side.

We spent more time talking about what I want from her, my fantasy of what a good therapist would be, etc. It was fun and interesting.

Today has been so peaceful. What a difference a session makes. Today I could think of the person I wrote to without tears or extreme distress. I still have sadness but that's part of the process and that's okay. It will get better; there is an end to mourning. The process has a beginning, a middle, and an end. I believe I'm getting there.

I am back to reading the chapter on mourning in the book "Necessary Losses" by Judith Viorst. It's very helpful too and which we have talked about some since T has read the book several times.

Therapy can be like a looking glass... you never know what you might find if you chance to step through it. In my history I've had the hardest time not running from therapy. This time I am absolutely commited to it, but as you know from my posts I sometimes need support to get me there. Sessions like this one remind me that you just don't know how it will go. You can walk in that room in one state and leave feeling so different, so changed or energized for change. It's so amazing sometimes what therapy can do in one short hour.

[RozG]

Hi Echoes

I'm the same as you...I know I need to go to sessions but getting me there is another matter. Basically my social worker calls me and tells me i'm going and she's taking me and tough if i don't like it. To which i always respond "yes mother" lol.

Anyway, it sounds like you have a really good caring T there and it sounds like you're making progress with her. I'm sorry things have been so rough for you of late, but things WILL get better you know! Just hang in there!

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( echoes ))))))))))))

ECHOES
i hope things get better

[happyflowergirl]

Sounds like you have such a wonderful and caring T. I think it is sweet of her asking what you need. Just knowing is half the battle don't ya think?

My T today said the "our special relationship" and I swear I almost melted because I see it that way too, but for him to say it. well brings tears to my eyes.

Sorry you are grieving the loss of your special someone, I am too, and it has been 6 mo. It does get easier, but is sucks in the meantime. Take care.

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{Echoes}}}}}}}}} I'm glad you had a good session with your T. I have one with mine also. Makes life a whole lot better.

Mary Alice

[sunrise]

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ECHOES said:
Then she wanted to talk about "us" There's an "us"!!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I have had this exact same reaction! How powerful that word is.

That was so brave of you to tell her your need. And you got it fulfilled. Congratulations! I went to this career seminar recently and the speaker talked about how asking for something is important in and of itsself, no matter the outcome. For example, asking for a raise is a triumph in itself, no matter if you get the raise or not. When you do get the raise, you have two victories and two things to celebrate! But even if you ask the question but don't get your desired outcome, you still have a triumph. ECHOES, your situation was a double triumph!

I am glad you are continuing to process your grief. I will have to look up the book you mentioned.

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Sessions like this one remind me that you just don't know how it will go.... It's so amazing sometimes what therapy can do in one short hour.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Amen.

Wow! What a great session! I'm so glad that you found someone so caring, you deserve it!

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Then she wanted to talk about "us" There's an "us"!!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kiya]

((((((((((((( echoes )))))))))))))!!!

[MissCharlotte]

Echoes,

This is wonderful and I am so happy that you are feeling better. What a brave statement, to tell T what you needed and how awesome to actually get that!

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I finally said (to my shoes, I think)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

So, did they talk back? After all, they have a tongue!

LOL

peace