[Mouse_]

March 19

<font color="blue">I am entitled to my own truth.

As a child I needed to distort my vision of truth in order to survive. When dad was passed out on the floor from drinking, I held up my mental kaleidoscope and saw that he was napping. How could I have believed otherwish>

Unfortunately the distortion that allowed me to survive in childhood is destroying my adulthood. When I view life through my childhood lens, I don't see people for who they are and I stay in abusive situations.

Today I will put away my old Kaleidoscope. I will view my relationships through the eyes of an adult and not the eyes of a frightened child. No longer will I lie to myself or anyone else. Living in fantasy is painful but gradually I am overcoming the obstacles that stand in the way of telling myself the truth. </font>

[Perna]

What a great idea.

[MissCharlotte]

Yes. Now, I know why I have such empathic responses to your posts.

The child does what they need to survive. So your kaleidoscope is truly a marvelous tool that allowed you to manage an overwhelming situation for any child. I was reflecting today on my amazing capacity to dissociate and not feel painful situations. It served me well as a child. It is also hard for me to stay present and not dissociate when faced with pain. I tell T it's too much and he says it hurts but it isn't too much. Sigh.

[gardenergirl]

I use that book, too! I really like her work (Rochelle Lerner).

gg

[Mouse_]

[b] March 20

I am the creator of my life.

Today I will affirm that I have the ability to create my own life. I no longer need to be shaped by the hands of people who do not have my best interests at heart. I no longer need to be merely the product of my dysfunctional uprbringing. My inner child deserves better than that.

I am teh clay and I am the sculptor. I can add a piece here, take away some there. I can build up areas that are weak, think out areas that are dense and impenetrable. I can create an inner structure that allows me to be freestanding. The possibilities are endless.

I will never be finished creating myself. I am always in a state of becoming. With faith in my recovery process and trust in my HP, I am creating a new me.

Rokelle Lerner[b/]

(Miss charlotte sorry those were not my words, sorry I thought I Had added the author in the title)

[Mouse_]

March 21

Today my inner child skips with joy.

Today the cnild within me skips for joy but only a few weeks ago, my inner child was struggling with the rhythm: one-two-three, one-two-three,heel-toe-step. My feet wanted to run away or hop wildly, as if saying, "yoiu only have two of us, and we go one-two, one-two. That's all we can do. Thats all we can do"

Yet deep inside, I felt another rhythm - graceful as a dance and clever as a riddle. So I persevered and one day my feet put a hop and a run together one-two-three and I skipped perfectly: The next day my feet got tangled and I had to start over again. And soon my feet were skipping without me telling them to.

Today I feel the joy of living, which my hard work has made easy: I look back over my struggles and marvel at how far I have come.

Rokelle Lerner

[Mouse_]

March 22

Today I will say no without guilt.

Today I will say no whenever it is in my best interests to do so. Just as important, I will say no without feeling guilty or fearful.

My attempts to separate from my parents were met with therats of abandoment. As a result, I learned to avoid having my own opinion for fear of rejection.

Deep within me now, I feel a strong desire to become my own person, to stand free of all unhealthy attachements and discover who I am. When I disregard my limitations and permit others to vioate my boundaries, I harm myself.

TOday I will love myself enought to say no when I find it necessary. I will reassure the child within me that those who truely love me will not abandon me when I must tell them no. No matter what they response, today I will treat myself well by saying no without guilt and fear.

Rokelle Lerner

[Mouse_]

March 23

I am lovable at every age.

I am lovable at any age. I do not hae to know more than I know, feel differently than I feel or look and act a certain way. My beling is lovable and I am loved for myself.

Sometimes children try out behaviours that are less or more mature than their age. A four year old who wants to be cuddled like an infant may act babyish. A six year-old who wants companionship may ask grown-up questions to engage the attention of an adult. In my dysfunctional family, I was ridiculed for immature or precocious behaviour. I got my needs met by acting "grown up" or staying little. I never had permission to act my age, so I never learned what that meant. I did not learn that I was loved no matter what my stage of growth.

Today I will love the child within me and I love my adult self. I will get my needs met by asking directly for affection or companionship. I am lovable at any age and I deserve to be loved.

Rokelle Lerner

[Mouse_]

March 24

Today my inner child is free from fear.

I am simply on this earth, need I be afraid?
Mandan chant, translated by Frances Densmore

I observe the small child who is tossed into the air and, all smiles and laughter, falls into the strong, outstretched arms of a loving parent. The child is both secure and adventurous.

Today I will release my fears and worries into the care of my HP/true self. Doing so will leave me free to explore the world about me and the life within me.

I can examine my feelings in safety. I can stretch my body and touch a delicate blssom, trace an ironwork railing, skip rocks across a pond. I can explore my spriituality and envision a hp/true self, who desires growth

Rokelle Lerner

[dalila]

<font color="green">What is an HP?</font>

[Mouse_]

HP = Higher power, BUT I dont believe in any higher powers but try to ignore the mention of Highter powers and work with the rest of the meditations..I normall replace any wording wiht true or adult self...

[Mouse_]

March 25

I allow my curisoity to emerge.

My curiosity is alive today as I set out to explore places that pique my interest. It is my curiosity that propels me to learn more about my world.

Between six and 18 months of age, our internal clocks inspire curiosity, urging us to explore our world. When I was a toddler, however, my curisoity was not validated. My parents were quick to say, "stop that!" "Don't touch this!" "No, you can't!" Too often I was spanked or humiliated for acting my age. So whenever my inner child shyly extends a hand out to the world, I do not slap it and scold this precious one. Instead I affirm her right and her courage to express her curisoity.

Today, if I am curious, I will explore physically, mentally and emotionally. I will explore through conversation and investigation. If I am puzzled by something, I will ask for an explanation. My toddler within is safe today and happy to be taken care of.

Rokelle Lerner

[Mouse_]

March 26

My ideals are part of my reality.

My ideals are an intrinsic part of my humaness. I do not choose whether to have ideals or not, just as I do not choose whether I am human or not. Rather, I choose ideals that reflect my personal values.

When I expressed lofty dreams and goals as a child, various adults in my life said, "you're young and idealistic, wait till you grow up". If growing up meant sacrificing my personal dreams or my desire for justice in the world, I did not want to grow up.

Today I announce the good news to my inner child: I will never lose my idealism. Idealism is a part of being human and being human is a part of reality.

Throughtout my recovery and matruity, I will committ to identifying ideals that reflect my desires and values, I will seek out groups and organizations that effectively translate ideals into action. Through word and deed, I will fulfill my ideas.

Rokelle Lerner

[Mouse_]

I dont know if I can continue with this, I don't feel I believe in what is being said.