[MissCharlotte]

I did it. I brought my dear H to T with me.

I think T was surprised to see us together in the waiting room. We've been discussing this for a while but the exact timing was left up to me and I had to wait until I was ready. Finally, I realized that ready may never happen so I just did it.

Now, just for clarification my H did not necessarily want to come with me. Talk therapy is not his cup of tea. But he did it for me. And, he didn't complain either.

Okay, so practically speaking it was weird because H sat in T's chair and T sat on the couch. Naturally, that left me sitting in the assprint. So H and I were facing each other. The session was fine and FLEW by. Actually, it was better than fine because I felt a certain love from H that I haven't felt in a while.

And, I only got slightly annoyed at T because he bent over backward to make H comfortable. He didn't want to scare him away. Why doesn't he worry about that with me? LOL

H will come with me about once a month or so as a "consultant" on my therapy. It's interesting. We'll see. Somehow I don't think that every single time will be wine and roses.

Peace

[Lemon]

Congrats! That is a big step to take. I started out with my T as a couples therapist and then after my divorce I continued to see her as an individual T. I don't know if this will be true for you, but it has really benefited my individual therapy that T knew my ex-h.

Was it strange to have H sit in T's chair? That could be a little disorientating. But, maybe it was good to shift things around a little so that the context was clearly different than your individual sessions.

[MissCharlotte]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Was it strange to have H sit in T's chair?

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YES!! It was VERY strange because of certain transference issues I have and to boot I was JEALOUS. I have always wanted to sit there. T suggested it because he wanted H and me to face each other.

hmmmm....

I thought that it was unethical for a T to treat various family members if T was treating you?

Am I mistaken? Because obviously T is your support, but now it's like who is T supporting?

[MissCharlotte]

Not to worry, Riptide it is not unethical. T is supporting me first and foremost. So is my husband. T is also supporting us as a couple. If I didn't want my husband there, he would not be there. And he doesn't come every session.

T has met my husband before when we came together for other types of support with family issues. Now, we are doing couples work.

[sunrise]

MissCharlotte, that is so wonderful that your session with H went well!! How brave to bring him along. It takes a lot of trust between you and T, at least that's how I felt when I was finally able to bring my H along to therapy (I wasn't able to do it until I'd been with my T for 7 months).

I agree with Lemon--this will help your own therapy a lot, because your T will have firsthand knowledge of your H and how you interact. This is a good thing! And will enrich and deepen your therapy. Congratulations.

When my H comes along, he also sits where my T usually sits. I'm OK with it, as it forces T into his mobile, swivel chair, which I have always liked (because he can get closer to me when he's in it). And also that way he is halfway between me and my H (not playing favorites).

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I thought that it was unethical for a T to treat various family members if T was treating you?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">No, it isn't unethical and is not uncommon. Some therapists don't see multiple members of a family, but many family therapists are specially trained in treating the family system and see multiple groupings within the same family, e.g. individuals, the couple, couple with kids, one parent with one child, etc. The groupings in my own family that have seen our therapist are me alone, me and H, and me and H and our two kids. In the future, I and just one of my daughters may also try a few sessions, and there is a chance H might also go alone a few times. The therapist has to be able to keep all the parts of the system straight, and also respect confidentiality of all the players. Like, if I tell him something in an individual session, he can't go blurt it out to H during our couples session. In general, I try to help T out by not having "secrets" that he has to keep from H, and if I am OK with his revealing something, I take the lead in the couples session and bring it up first, so T knows it is OK. It would get confusing for me, but the therapists are trained to do this, and I just put my trust in him and his skill.

[chaotic13]

My T has met with my H once alone. My H said he would not go back again. I initially wanted to do couples therapy, but I don't think I could do it now.