[krazibean]

... I want you to show me. I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show me.

sigh. Its been a rough week with T. I can't even go into it all because there's so much on my mind i can't even pick something to talk about.

Tonight she gave me a heads up she'll be going on vaca. Lately i've been leaving her a lot of voicemails in times of crisis. She said, "I'm going on vaca, and i'm not even going to be checking my voicemails or anything, I really need a vacation." Although I respect and understand she needs vacation in order to not burn out, it hurts. Because she needs a vacation from MY life. If my life and other peoples lives are enough to stress her out that she needs a vacation, think how i must feel. I cant take a vacation from myself! lucky for her that she can... I dunno. It just hurts that she needs to get away from me and she won't even be curious as to how i'm doing because she doesnt even want to check her voicemail. She said she will give me a number ot another therapist if i need to talk but thats crap. I don't need some other therapist i could just talk to a wall instead. I need and want her.... how do i get through that week. And its not even for another week or two till she leaves... sighhh

[krazibean]

oh and before when she's gone on vaca she's offered a phone session. I don't think she even will have that either... I feel like shes leaving me

Bean.....

Three things that have helped me:

1) Ask T to leave a voice message on your machine telling you she cares, will be back, etc. Then you can listen to it all the time.

2) Ask for her to send you a card. My old T used to send me a card. She may not, but you could try.

3) Ask her to write it down that she will be back, she cares, etc. Then you can see it all the time.

I feel for you! When my old T used to go away I would cry, get mad, and basically act like a 2-year old.

[krazibean]

thanks rip, you're really helping me out tonight

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krazibean said:

I cant take a vacation from myself!

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LOL

But maybe you can. Like plan something special for you the week T is gone. LIke take a day off of work and go shopping or to the zoo. Like treat the day as special.

I tried that once too and it helped. Like when I was supposed to be with T, I went into the city and ate cheesecake!

I hear you Krazibean. I often think those kinds of thoughts too, like, if she really cared about me, then she would X, Y, and Z. Lots of testing the relationship. And breaks are hard any way you look at it -- I tend to emotionally distance around them, but different people handle them differently. People post here about them all the time so you know this is a pretty common feeling.

In fact, someone else posted recently something helpful on this topic. Their T was leaving on vacation, and they going through these same types of thoughts. I thought the discussion was pretty enlightening, like how you have to catch yourself with every logical leap and challenge it. I will try to link to it.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...5&o=31&fpart=1

From what you've posted, it sounds like she's really focused on her own self care, and that it, objectively, has nothing to do with her clients. Like maybe she's realized she's overly stressed out and she just needs to take a total break to get herself together and so she can be helpful to her clients when she gets back. I know it's hard to not feel like it's abandonment at the time though...hang in there. I'm missing my session next week because I'm the one going on vacation, and I still sort of feel like I'm the one being abandoned! The feelings are real, even though they're not very logical sometimes.

[Mouse_]

I talked about this in a thread the other day, where I asked T how she can go away for a holiday when she says she has claimed me? IT was when she reminded how I still hold my children inside of my heart even when I'm doing other things away from them, that I got to see the whole picture..ITs a matter of working trough this issues, we wont one day think, oh its fine I feel fine your leaving me, its hard work and plenty of blood, sweat and tears to work through these issues..

[trippinmickey]

Well look on the bright side .Your T will be back in a week its your T is not leaving you for good . With budget cuts in the state of PA. Alot of people T along with mine just pick up and leave because they cant earn a living in Pa. anymore .I lost both my T & P which I had for years do to budget cuts and both of my new ones SUCK!!!

SO look on the positive side her or she will soon be back.

[krazibean]

i live in pa...

[gimmeice]

I like the suggestion made above to do something special, I have also tried that and it seemed to work for me. I went to the public library it was very relaxing.

Krazi,
I hear ya'. Mine is on vacation this week and I've had a rough week also. I try to keep myself busy when I really would rather lay in bed. We'll support you here I don't know, I think my T should be able to go on vacation -- just as long as he works his vacation around my session schedule, lol.