[Sherryanne]

So I've been working with my therapist for two years now and our relationship has been unconventional to say the least. I've thought of her as my mom, my sister, my friend and I even interned in her office for a short while. When I described the relationship to other mental health professionals they are like no, the relationship is toxic, it's unprofessional, it's hurting you, you should get away from it. But the problem is that there is no other therapists anywhere close by and she's the only one and I am really really attached to her. I have somehow managed to equate my whole existance and happiness around her and I feel that she is my best friend and the only person that can save me. However there has been no progress in our therapeutic relationship, I dont seem to be getting any better. My mom (who pays for my therapy) has said that she has lost all faith in my therapist and I should look for a new therapist.

So I told her this today and she was like maybe your mom is right. I told her how I feel that there is a disconnect between the two of us and that things are not the way they used to be. She said I was right, there is a disconnect and things are not the same because she has been trying to change the nature of our relationship and make it more client/therapist. Something it hasnt been in the past. And obviously that hasnt been working out. So now she believes that our therapeutic relationship cannot continue because it is too complex and messed up. She says that this does not mean she is abandoning me and she will always be there for me, even as just a friend.

But I still feel really upset. I love my therapist and she means the world to me, she knows so much about me and it just seems that we work so well together. I know that things havent been going well for me and everyone is so against our relationship but I dont want her to leave me. Things are so stressful and I need her, I need her to be there for me. I can't afford to lose my therapist now. I dont know what to do. I know the way I feel about my therapist is not really appropriate but she's my only chance. Why do I feel so abandoned again?

Any advice would really be appreciated.

[Perna]

Go ahead and find a different therapist. Often it's necessary to go to many different therapists before we find "the one" who ultimately helps us the most.

You have admitted you aren't getting any better. That's what therapy is about, the getting better so the relationship as "good" as it is is not a therapy relationship. Go ahead and move on to the next step.

It's a little like leaving home and parents, leaving a therapist/moving on. I had to leave my therapist I'd been seeing for 9 years because I was changing jobs and moving and was going to be too far away. You can't make a life around just one person; have to have yourself in order, yourself is all you'll have for the life you live; you'll always be with you but no one else can be. Getting use to the changes and growth life requires of us is a good thing. It will work out, you'll see.

P.S. 10 years after I left that therapist I was able to see her again and enter into therapy with her again and everything turned out great. One can't know what the future is going to bring and getting a lot of different experiences with different people, etc. is a good idea, I think.

I think the problem is that the relationship became something other than therapist and client. Not that I am saying that is always bad, BUT it is almost impossible to continue therapy when the relationship changes to something other.

By interning in T's office and "being her friend" the therapy relationship was broken....the boundaries are all messed up. It is almost impossible to go back to a traditional therapy relationship with boundaries, because you have broken the rules, per se.

Perhaps you can look for another T, but figure out a relationship with this T. For example, calling once a week or having lunch.

[PsyChris]

The problem with continuing a relationship with her is that it is always going to be overshadowed by the fact that she was providing therapy.

To go from therapist to friend is not advisable. It is even something she could loose her license to practice over.

I think the best solution, however hard it may seem is to find a new therapist that will help you fix your problems and maintain a therapeutic framework.

[Kiya]

yeah - all these posts sound correct in all the various aspects... but she did say she's not abandoning you. you just need someone else to be your t.
=(

Sherry,
This sounds like a difficult problem. Honestly, I would kill to have my T think of me as a friend. But then he wouldn't be my T. There are never easy answers, are there? Best of luck to you!