No longer seeking a relationship...

I'm 55, divorced 8 years now, and seem to have reached a point where I don't want to invest the energy in a relationship. I'm wondering, is this an aspect of my age and independence, or having had numerous awful relationships since divorce, not to mention the 20 year unhappy marriage?
Has anyone else here reached such a point?
Patty

I thought I had reached that point, until I decided to give it another shot and not give up so easily this time. I had to be so damned uncharacteristically patient waiting on B. to get online and check his messages, it was almost enough to make me say "to hell with this guy, he's too flaky." Turns out he has a really active non-online social life that has more than enough room for other people.

hmmmmmmmmm. i have seen a huge change in you, patty, since you first came here. you've settled into your bones.......know what i mean? you've grown and made changes in your life and you seem comfortable with it now. but....you never know who's behind door #3.......

Thanks, WI and Pat...
I mean....I really tried, for a very long time to make several longterm relationships work, and now I'm truly ABHORRED at the crap I put up with! So thankful I didn't end up with one of those guys! The last, very last one...which propelled me into this forum about this time last year....Well, I fell so hard and he didn't want me. I think there is nothing more pitiful than a 50+ woman making a fool of herself over a man! Anyway...don't interpret this to mean i'm still wallowing in self-pity...quite the opposite. I think you're right, Pat...I've settled into my "bones," and am making my own creative life! Wi...in your case...you're much younger and have more options...I hope you make better choices than I did!
Love
Patty

and bill made a fool of himself over me........ seriously, i see that you're happier now and that makes me feel really good........

So true...much happier and even content....and you've been great since I joined here to give sound feedback and advice, which I value tremendously!
Truly, it is so wonderful to be free of sadness, anxiety and uncertainty. I think this may be my status from now on! (I should add here, WI, that I met these men online!)
Also, I STILL have men calling me, but I respond with cheerfully and impersonally, not inviting further contact. They still continue to call, but I'm reluctant, and with good reason. At some point, one must learn from experience!
Love,
Patty

I think after awhile we do stop looking for numerous reasons.

Like with me, for instance, I just ended a relationship and don't want one anytime soon...if ever. I just am very comfortable with myself and am actually more happier when I'm single. It's so odd but it's the truth. When you're single you have no one to answer to, no one to worry about, and nobody to cheat on you. IMO, there are many benefits of being single. Of course, there are benefits with having someone but I think the independence and freedom of being single are very important.

While we all desire love and to be loved, there is something about self-love that we can never get from someone else. And there really is no law saying you HAVE TO be with someone. You can either choose to be with someone or be alone...either way you still can be perfectly happy!

but when you stop looking is when you find it or it finds you lol

Patty, I realize you met these men online. That doesn't mean every one of them is a lying weasel. I've met close to a dozen of B.'s friends and family already, enough to know he is what and who he portrays himself to be. We've had the serious and not-so-serious discussions already, before one of us gets over attached to the other, only to find out the other doesn't want the same thing. Guess what? We want the same things.

But that's neither here nor there. You have to do what feels right to you. If being mateless for the next 30 years feels right, go for it.

Hi Seeker,
I don't think it's neccessarily over and done with. There are a lot of people over the age of 50 who are meeting, falling in love and marrying.
I go through periods of time when I can't be bothered. It may go on for many months but eventually I'm back in action and ready to try again.
I think you're going through one of those periods now.
Enjoy your independence and freedom but keep an opened mind and heart.

((((Seeker)))))