[Kiya]

So seems like everyone's t is either already out of town, will be next week, or the week after... so I am starting this thread (much like the holiday vaction one from December) so we can all give and get support while our T's are gone.

Mine doesn't leave until the 19th so i am on the support team right now.... but we can talk about planning how to get through, safety planning, how ppl are holding on to their t's during the absense... etc. Actually, mine is getting some CDs that she wants me to listen to - i hope they get her before she goes....
Whose next?

Oh, this is just what I need. This week I'm in the "needs support - BADLY!" category....next week, I'll move into the "providing support" camp.

I saw my T last Thursday, he's gone this week, and I'll see him on Monday the 14th. I usually go on Mondays and Fridays - I've been seeing him 2 or 3 times a week for about 5 months. We had JUST reached the point in therapy where he said I was attached to him, but a young (new) attachment. Honestly, this is probably the first "real" attachment I've ever felt to anyone. Yesterday, I actually keep breaking down crying during the day....and I DO NOT CRY. EVER. It's just so painful - it actually hurts.

He left me 2 voice mail messages before he left, for me to listen to while he's gone. They helped at first, but now they kind of make it worse, and I don't listen to them anymore. I also have a marble from his office that I usually carry in my pocket all the time - I have for months - and this week, I stopped carrying it. I just miss him so much, and the reminders of our connection are making me sad.

I didn't realize how I had become used to his caring, supporting listening twice a week. I miss that

And I'm so scared that when he comes back, the "connection" will be gone, and it will be like starting over. It was SO MUCH WORK to get to the point where I trusted him, and felt safe with him, and felt connected to him. He said "our connection can survive a week apart", but I'm still scared.

Before he left, we had worked our way up to the point where he would hold my hand for a minute at the end of our sessions to help me feel like our connection is "real". It was hard to work up to that point, letting him be physically close to me like that (I was SA by someone providing "counseling" in the past), and I'm afraid I'll be scared of that human connection that we worked so hard to get to.

I'm a mess! I feel like a big baby missing him so much

[Mouse_]

Earthmama, yes it does hit home how much we miss that being listened and understood when T's gone. This is my 4th yr of Ts vacations and all of them have been a challenge...one minute you feel your managing, the the next its like you don't know how to get through the day...I havent thought about T's return, I'm afraid too becasue its mixed with pleasure and anger...how dare be absent, but also, thank god she's here...imagiine if this "hole" where she isn't was forever? Oh thats scary..

[krazibean]

thanks kiya! i'll be visiting this thread a lot this week...

[MissCharlotte]

Earthmama,

Can you journal while he's gone? I find it helps me a lot to write in my journal when T is away. If you can stay in the moment when you feel the most panicked and breathe, you may find that the moment passes and you can move into some other way of expressing your fear and grief that he is away.

[Kiya]

Earthmama - I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad!!! And that missing t is threatening the connection.
I am in this boat with my MD. she was on vacation for 3 weeks and she always had me call every week with updates and i saw her every month. So i haven't seen her in 2 months. I stopped calling her while she was gone - i even stopped writing the log she has me keep. She's been back 2 weeks now and I have not resumed any updates. I even thought she might call to check on me and to tell me to start the updates, but she hasn't. I think maybe she is relieved that there is now more time when not having to think about me. I am seeing her on monday, but now in my mind she isn't real any more. Like i don't know her. I can't even comprehend it.
All this is really trying to have me brainstorm on what can help you hold the connection. It makes me sad for you that you stopped carying the marble... =( when one sees t twice or more a week, the seperationgs (I think) are worse because the "Weeks" are so much shorter in between times.
Can you pretend to have sessions in your thoughts? Imagine sitting with t, talking, say the things you would really tell him and imagine (in his voice) what his replies would be...
(((((((((((((((hugs!!!))))))))))))))
Kiya

Kiya,
I'll volunteer to give any support needed. My T just returned from vacation and I know I couldn't have made it without y'all! I'm in.

Earthmama,
I'm here for you. I know how excruciatingly painful it can be.

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Honestly, this is probably the first "real" attachment I've ever felt to anyone.

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That's really good that you have gotten to this point, Earth!

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I didn't realize how I had become used to his caring, supporting listening twice a week. I miss that

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I'll bet you do! Who wouldn't? I know you're afraid that it won't be there when he comes back, but it will. It may take some time to readjust, but it will come back

Have you written down your thoughts while he has been away? You just have three more days before you can see him! This takes a lot of courage, strength and perseverance to get through all of this and I can already tell you have these strengths and WILL make it! Best of wishes!

[Razzleberry]

Add me to the list. I just got another new therapist - first session was last week, but I couldn't fit him into my schedule this week, and can't get in until next Friday. He's not on vacation but I can't see him for a while so I guess that counts.

[Kiya]

razz, that totally counts. =(

Mouse, Miss Charlotte, Kiya and Soliaree...thank you SO much

I was feeling SO terrible yesterday, and just having some kind, supportive posts directed at me means so much. I'm touched! It was really just what I needed.

I made it through another day, and now I just have to get through Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (and Monday morning) before I see him at 1pm on Monday. I'm so scared about how I'll feel at the appointment...but trying not to dwell on it too much, and to remember how I felt before he left. I really do miss him so much. I'm used to having phone or e-mail contact whenever I need it, and even though I don't use it that much, just knowing it's available is huge. I just feel such a void in the space where he usually is.

Really, really, really, THANK YOU. I promise I'll be here next week to support the next person (people) who have temporarily lost their T!

I find it very helpful to have a fit at these times or as my letters to T simply state: "T you suck."

For those with anger problems. Try this "T you ______"
It will come in time..

Ok, seriously, when I missed my old Twhen she went on vacation, I used to plan special things to do during our session. One day I went to the museum, one day I went to the bookstore and had a brownie and some delicious coffee and read a book. Things that are special. Get some icre cream or goto a movie . If you have no money, find a nice park and watch the clouds drift by. Something calming and special.

[Kiya]

(((((earthmama))))))))
you can make it!! T will be back soon!!!
Kiya

[lauren_helene]

Here is an idea. We should be allowed to go on vacation at the SAME TIME they do

Wouldn't it be easier if we could coordinate that?

[(JD)]

Actually, my pain doc/T and I don't plan it, but often we do end up taking off the same dates... this trip he had planned for the same week I was at Disney (by coincidence only) but before he knew the dates of my trip, something happened and he rescheduled his trip. (Or it would have been at the same time.)

IDK though if it's better for me, as it's good to have him available to call when I'm away from PT also..and pain increases "away from home."

Hey...maybe they aren't all on vacation, but at the same conference or something?

[Christina86]

Well, my T isn't on vacation as of today...

so much as our relationship is KAPPUT. As of our session ending today, she is no longer my T. And I feel.. slightly irritable.

Good thoughts to people whose Ts are on vacation though!

[Kiya]

Christina, what happened???

[Christina86]

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Kiya said:
Christina, what happened???

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Nothing traumatic, really. She had to move on to bigger and better things... I was only her client for 8 months, which I knew when I was going in. Still kinda bitter about it though. Sigh.

[Kiya]

oh =( i'm sorry. that would be hard. So was tonight the last night? Will she be in contact with you at all past this? Like email? Did she refer you to anyone else or have you start with anyone?

hmmm... i went and googled my t since she seems to have many claims to fame and i wanted to learn more.... well... it brought up her high school reunion and the latest update (last year) said that she hopes to be working in Africa in the next year or two.... *gulp*.

((((((((christina))))))))))

[Mouse_]

I've tried taking the same time of as T, but that worked against me, I lost the structure of therapy and work, so now what I do is take the week of on T's return and that way the fall out I normall experience from the break is all I Have to deal with, and not have to get up and go to work and deal with the fall out...so next week when T's back I'm home and also shes scheduled me in for 3x that week and the following week as she says I Need to be in a safe place to work through the fall out that happens..