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  #1  
Old May 09, 2008, 05:02 PM
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oh my.. i had an epiphany last night... i came home determined to make sense of everything that had happened this week and in session. i was so relieved things had gone ok..ok, better than ok THEY WENT FANTDOODLEYTASTIC.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

<font color="purple"> I care about you as YOU.</font>

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

but... how did this HAPPEN?

Yes, T had made changes to the rules.. particularly calling and voicemails. To me, he was unclear about reassurance... and in light of how rejected i felt otherwise i couldn't make sense of it...

so, just why did i come up with the worst and most painful possibility imaginable?

i adore my T... he's incredible, even if he is more CBT than i would prefer. The fear of interference or loss of that relationship is more powerful than his calmness or kindness it would seem.

He has been telling me for a year now that these reactions are rooted in my past. Ok, no surprises there. He has told me that what i know intellectually is overridden by these feelings and thoughts created in that history.. ok.. not a surprise, but semi-new.. last week we had talked about how i knew i was going to get upset.... after session i mean.. so i knew it was coming and it came.

but last night i was able to see it differently somehow... able to step back and see it.. i could see how i had become a slave to a powerful set of feelings... i dunno.. i could just see it.

omg... i had no idea it was quite like that.

i am determined to do this.. to get better than this... i swear, he could ask me to chicken dance for 12hrs straight and i would try.

T is the best... he knows what he is doing, he wants to help me and of course, better than best: he cares about me eureka

eureka eureka eureka eureka eureka eureka eureka

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  #2  
Old May 09, 2008, 06:05 PM
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ECHOES ECHOES is offline
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
T is the best... he knows what he is doing, he wants to help me and of course, better than best: he cares about me

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

What could be better! eureka

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
but last night i was able to see it differently somehow... able to step back and see it.. i could see how i had become a slave to a powerful set of feelings... i dunno.. i could just see it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This is terrific when clarity and attunement happen eureka
  #3  
Old May 10, 2008, 12:54 PM
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yeah.. and scary as hell.

i have a habbit of taking on everything head-on and with a great deal of energy... and that gets me far in some cases, and burns me out in others. This is so big i dont know where to start.. i just feel like i need to be doing *something* now to address it.. but what? (like right now, today now)
  #4  
Old May 10, 2008, 01:16 PM
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MissCharlotte MissCharlotte is offline
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Sounds like an AHA moment~

Thanks for sharing it.

eureka eureka eureka eureka eureka
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  #5  
Old May 10, 2008, 01:21 PM
pinksoil
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I don't know what to say besides... eurekaeurekaeurekaeureka
  #6  
Old May 10, 2008, 03:45 PM
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Kiya Kiya is offline
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That's awesome FLUFF! Very cool - and like you said, all that past history stuff overrides the intellectual. But you SAW it and that changes everything!

(((((((((((fluff!!!!!!!!!!)))))))))))))
eureka eureka
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  #7  
Old May 10, 2008, 05:42 PM
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yes yes yes!! thats it exactly... i can SEE it!!!!!!

ah, but who cares? T DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i totally adore him. eureka eureka
thanks guys eureka
  #8  
Old May 10, 2008, 06:01 PM
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Razzleberry Razzleberry is offline
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That's great!
  #9  
Old May 10, 2008, 07:46 PM
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Kiya Kiya is offline
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Yeah, Fluff, I think it's great too. Those aha moments are important.
(((((((((((((((fluff!))))))))))))))
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  #10  
Old May 10, 2008, 11:16 PM
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nightbird nightbird is offline
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I'm so happy for you!!!

transformations and love,
nightbird

eureka eureka eureka eureka eureka eureka
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