[splitimage]

I had a session with my addiction Dr. yesterday, and it was really weird. She kept telling me how far i've come in a year, and how great it is that I'm starting to think about isolating less and dealing with my social anxiety and start asking people out. She was really positive. I mean I know I'm a lot better than I was this time last year, when I was in a psych hospital, and now I'm not depressed and I've been sober for over 6 months and I'm back working. I know I've put in a lot of hard work, but I guess I just see how much more work i have left to do in order to get over my anxiety as opposed to reflecting on how far I've come. It made me feel kind of uncomfortable. Why can't I just accept a compliment and acknowledge to myself the progress that I have made?

[gravyyy]

Wow I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels strange when given compliments on progrss by the T. I actually expressed the way I feel to the T. She basically said it's because I'm a Type A personality and she didn't expect me to be able to take a compliment. It is frustrating to hear "you've come a long way" when you know you have so much ahead of you. You're still going to have speed bumps along the road in your recovery, but if you can step back and appreciate what you have done so far (because it is truly an accomplishment) it gives you something to fall back on when you come across the bumps in the road. This being said, maybe it's so hard for you to take a compliment because you're not used to hearing them from people. Or maybe you're really focused on the future so much that you don't give yourself a chance to see what you've already done. In either case, it's something to work on and don't be afraid to talk to the T or Dr. about the way you felt about the compliments. Take care,
Gravyyy

[kim_johnson]

know what i think when they compliment me on progress???

I think:

NO!!! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TERMINATE ME, YOU ARE NOT!!!

And i get really very anxious that they will leave me cause they think i'm all better. even though i'm not.

maybe that is part of it?

that things are still really very hard at times?

[Dinah]

My kneejerk response when confronted by that sort of cheerleading is to pull in the opposite direction. Part of that is just who I am. Were my therapist to talk about my misery, I'd pull in the opposite direction too. I respond better to a balanced presentation.

But a lot of times I also feel that it invalidates the pain I'm feeling now, or how hard it is, or how much I'm struggling. Simply adding to the beginning "I know how much you're hurting/struggling/etc and I'm not minimizing that" before going on to mention the improvement helps me a lot to accept the positive.

And of course, it goes without saying that it helps if a therapist somehow implies that termination is not imminent.

[sunrise]

If he compliments me, it makes me worry he thinks I don't "deserve" to see him anymore, that my problems are not significant enough to see a therapist, that he should be spending his time on more needy clients. So I worry he is hinting, in a polite way, that I should stop coming to see him.

In my first months of therapy, he used to say, "you are better than 90% of the clients who walk through my door," and that gave me intense anxiety. I felt like he was saying that I was just not deserving enough of his services and shouldn't be there. At some point, I did discuss that with him and it wasn't what he had meant at all. He had meant that it was easier doing therapy with me from the get go because I was quite direct, honest, and communicative and he didn't have to work so hard getting me to be that way, as he does with most of his clients. So it was more of a comment on my communication style than anything else, not telling me I had no problems. Phew! That's a lesson for me to always seek clarification rather than jumping to conclusions about what a person really meant. I feel it is the bond between us that allowed me to be honest/direct and feel safe, not any skill I have. He made it possible!

I'm with Kim here. Any mention of progress equals termination in the near future. Ugh. Why is this process so difficult?

[SingleGirl]

um, what's the largest font I can use to write YES YES YES...

I hate that more than anything from a therapist, "given all you've been through, you are doing so well" "look at all you've done with your life" "be proud of you" "others don't do as well"

all that does for me is make me wonder why I can't be "doing so well" or "doing things with my life"

I've been there... sending hugs.

[splitimage]

Thanks ((((everybody)))) Glad to know I'm not alone.

I don't fear termination - at least not with this Dr., somedays I'd be glad to terminate, I think with me, it's more of the "but I still have so far to go..." mentality.

[Rapunzel]

My T stopped giving me praise or compliments for a long time because I couldn't deal with it. I kept being self-destructive after getting praise. I wasn't probably aware of feeling strange or uncomfortable, but obviously I did, to the point that I did something destructive to relieve that discomfort.

[Gravity]

I hear the compliment but dismiss it immediately because "I don't FEEL any better." But, then I think about it later and realize that making progress doesn't always mean feeling better.

Split - sometimes I think that we need to be reminded of our progress and sounds like she did it in a positive way, but maybe as you progress more and more - the strange feelings won't be there.

He asked me once if I didn't want to feel better because then we would terminate. I said yes....no....YES....NO...i don't know. Then I told him that even if I felt great, there will always be things to work on. He agreed so that made me feel not so worried about termination - although I do worry he's going to terminate me if I am a few minutes late. After two years, I'm late once, think he's angry (although nothing to indicate he is) and that he's going to drop me. Its hard to believe that he wouldn't hurt me intentionally...its hard, but I don't believe he would do that to me.