Things your T says that depress you

"We can't 'go back' ". (to get the missed mothering)

"I won't always tell you what you want to hear." I only heard this once.. not even sure why because she wasn't saying anything I didn't want to hear, nor were we talking about attunement or misattunement at the moment. Still bugged me though.

The recent "I can't help but notice you are bringing up something very important at the very end of the session."

The Very Worst:
"Well.... We'll have to stop here." Said so gently but feels so

When T says the word "boundaries" as in his keeping good boundaries...yes 2.5 years with him and I still react!

We laugh about it but he slips it in sometimes when I am at my lowest it seems like last session.

You guys should try co-counseling (or maybe you would hate it .)

It's, in part, about learning how to ask what you want for.

I went to a therapist one time in NYC and I kind of told her my "story" and she started to respond but then stopped herself, saying "Whoa. Ok, there's *a lot* there."

I just thought of another depressing statement my T made during our first appointment.

"I think you need to talk with your husband and come up with a better discipline plan." I remember thinking ...I did not just pay $150 to hear.. "I think you need to talk to your husband." I about passed out on the ugly couch at that point. I must have been really desperate and totally numb at that point. Even though it was (and probably still is true), if I heard this statement from her now I would totally blow a gasket.

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Sunrise said:
He says that it takes as long to rebuild as it does to divorce (meaning more than just the legal process) so at some point in the future we will turn to working on the rebuilding

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I think hearing this kind of a statement would be something I would really want to hear when my world was crashing down and I was feeling lost. Not because of the idea of having to take a long time to rebuild, but because in saying it he is indicating that he will be there to see you all the way through to the other side.

Hello everyone, I am new and read daily. I see a therapist and also attend group therapy. One day a few weeks ago in group I was complaining about how my 15 month old daughter had a bite mark from daycare as well as a bruise that looked like she was picked up by the upper arm and therapist said " What do you need"? I said for everyone to take 1 day off and babysit my daughter until she starts her new daycare! Every one in group and even therapist laughed! I always say way out of line needs when she asks. She has stopped asking. HA HA!

Tonight's comment from T (or one of them)
"Kiya, you have errored thinking....and it can be corrected."

When my T told me about retiring she said a comment that still gnaws at me. It was back in January. I had a session with her right before the first day of my undergraduate practicum. When she "dropped the bomb", one of my littles was out who are, of course, VERY attached.
We started crying softly. For the first time we just sat in the silence. She seemed kind of upset that we were crying - extremely uncomfortable. She broke the silence with you are not my child, I did not adopt you!
Part of me feels like she said it more for herself than for any benefit to me. Of course I knew she did not adopt me! But the way she just had to throw that in there, made me feel so horrible, like "I don't want you in my life", etc.
I told her 3 months ago about her making a comment that upset me, but didn't tell her what. I still have not talked about it.

I am new here and new to therapy. I've gone a few times now and I walk away feeling like T isn't hearing me. He keeps saying how the past is the past and to move on. That there is nothing I can do about it so why dwell on it? I get that ~ really, I do. However, Aren't I the person I am today because of my past? Don't I need to figure out how to deal with, or heal from my past, in order to move on to the future? There is never any talk about specific events and how they affected me. Is it normal for a T to just say forget the past? Any suggestions on what to do in my next session?

Ts don't want anyone to dwell in the past. You can work on those issues by working on how you are today, how you respond, what you automatically think. In the course of realizing what you do that isn't in your best interest, you will discover and remember incidents in the past (or maybe a whole family dynamic) that caused you to form that bad habit.

For anyone: talk to your T! When you aren't sure why they say something, ask them why. When you feel he/she isn't hearing you, tell him/her that, right then and there. Especially for new relationships with a T, do this, as it will form the basis for the good therapeutic relationship you need so you can heal.

Trust your T. If you have doubts something will "work" tell him/her...but do it anyway. The steps are small sometimes and you won't think it matters or is really working on the main problem you have, but the T sees the big picture, most of the whole path, and is taking you by the hand and leading you -guiding you- to where you need to end up for a better life.

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Cmara said:
the past is the past and to move on. That there is nothing I can do about it so why dwell on it?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Cmara, that does sound overly negative. Maybe you can reframe that for him by telling him your interest is in being healed TODAY, and how at times you may need to trace back from feelings and patterns of behavior TODAY to discover their origins, so you can be free of them, acknowledge them, surmount them--whatever it is you need to heal and move forward. Maybe if you stress the TODAY part, he will understand better. Just yesterday in my therapy session, I was talking about some strong feelings TODAY and T asked me what they reminded me of, and I was able to recognize the many times in my past I had this exact same feeling, stretching back to childhood. I saw the chain, continuous, going way back. That is powerful for me, and can promote change when I am able to do that. (I do not think it is dwelling in the past.)

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Don't I need to figure out how to deal with, or heal from my past, in order to move on to the future?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Cmara, I don't know what you need. Only you know. Look inside, find what you need, and start on your journey to healing. Hopefully, your T will accompany you as a wise and helpful companion. It is so powerful to have someone along so we don't have to do this alone.

Hang in there. I hope you can talk to your T about this.

And welcome to PC!

Sky and Sunrise, thanks for the replies. I hope T is seeing the big picture that I may not be able to see right now. I do understand the "TODAY" part. The reason's I am having difficulty in facing my problems and emotions today is because I am reacting the way I have to past situations. I am insecure today because I nave not yet learned to break free from everything from the past. Thank you Sunrise for that. I will try to bring it up with T next week. I really don't want to go through all of this alone so I do hope that this T is the right one for me. I feel that the trust is growing a bit. I think the one thing that keeps bringing me back to the past are a few issues that I've never been able to tell anyone about. I need help in knowing how to navigate through those feelings, but haven't been brave enough to share the stories with him yet. Just thinking about it is making me want to throw up. I literally feel sick - about remembering things, as well as, talking about them. Is this what healing is all about?

My therapist says that my depression is caused by old habits. "All you have to do is change your habits." I just feel he doesn't get it.

Just about anything right now. I feel like I'm not ill enough compared to his other patients.

I'm still not totally sure about how productive dredging up the past is. Guess I'm just not far enough through this process yet.

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talk to your T!

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This is another simple concept, yet can be so difficult to do at times. This statement no longer depresses me

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If you have doubts something will "work" tell him/her...but do it anyway.

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SOOOOOO many times over the past year I thought to myself either "NO %#@&#!, like I never thought of trying that!" or "You can't be serious. That is never going to work!" But then decided to give is a try any way, and low and behold it helped in some way.