[MissCharlotte]

The past few weeks since school ended have been busy but I was telling T this evening that the summer has a different quality to it and I have a hard time putting my finger on it. He said that I don't have experience talking about feeling good. I think he is right.

Even though I am working over the summer I am definitely more relaxed. The surgery I had a few weeks ago is behind me and I am definitely on the mend; my medication issues have evened out and I just plain feel a lot better. The suicidal ideation has greatly diminished and I told him that all the other "stuff" just feels surreal to me now.

I shared with T some of the things that are on my list as alternatives to cutting, when I feel the intense urge. (We have been working on this together.) I told him some (here) have suggested body art pens for tattooing. He goes, "Oh, I like that--with markers?" I told him they have safer pens that you use to make fake tattoos. He said, "let's do that!" I go, "What, write on tattoos?" He goes, "Yeah."

He's really with me on this. Sigh.

Of course I imagined us both tattooing ourselves (and each other). LOL

[Kiya]

OMG Miss that is awesome!! That would be a blast, too. Heh.
I hope you can find some online! Those that I have are called "Mini Tattoo Gelpens" and have 10 different colors.
Good luck!

Kiya - and I hope you get to experience more of this elsuive feeling good!

[MissCharlotte]

Hey thanks Kiya. The feel good is truly elusive--wishing it stays around a while too and I will share it with you...

It's funny but I feel like an imposter in therapy because I haven't walked in in crisis or anything for at least 2 weeks, lol.

(I don't really think he meant he would use the pens, but his use of "let's" made me feel as though we are in this together. It's so nice not to feel alone.

[Kiya]

oic! Well, glad he supports you in it =)

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
He said, "let's do that!"[/quote}
I picked this comment up in your post as well. That's cool that he conveys his support in this way. I'd probably be replaying that statement in my head repeatedly.

The tattooing pen replacement idea sounds interesting. Do you really think this could work? Or is it more of a distraction activity? Sorry I know there is another forum for this type of question.

[MissCharlotte]

Yeah, I'm playing that over and over!

For me, the tattoo idea is more of a distraction. Although I am beginning to think that connecting with my skin in a positive way might wind up being a replacement--don't know. I'll let you know when I try it.

I should ask T why he liked the idea of that activity.

Peace

((((MissC)))))),
I'm so glad you are having a good summer! You so deserve it

Ideas for tatoos:
1) Transference Happens

2) I'm Attached
('To a T')

3) Picture of a chair with an *** print

4) I MADE IT THROUGH THE RUPTURE OF _____
(fill in month/year)
But. . . T DID NOT

5) I STILL HAVE YOUR BATHROOM KEY

And so many more . . .

Enjoy!

hahaha, omg soli... the bathroom key! hahahahaha

Miss... i think what you said is a great idea.. connecting wiith your skin in a positive way i mean... drawing forces us to use our right brain hemisphere and by default quietens the chatter that drives people into SI. It might be a very deep and meditative experience.
Try to aim for symbolic things.

"real" tattooing is sometimes mistakenly labelled as SI.. but those people do not understand the history and tradition of tattooing. i am sure some people do it for the pain, but generally not. There are far cheaper ways to simply inflict pain. Also, most SI is also kept hidden, it's a part of the shame, etc that drives the SI mechanism as well, whereas tattoos are deliberate, conscious acts of demonstrative adornment and symbolism. SI is about more than just the act of inflicting pain as well, but the motivations are non-compatible states with tattooing, real or fake. You take the time to allow your body to become a canvas on which you make your feelings, thoughts and symbols visual. Some tattoos are private and kept out of site for sure... but they can be proud things too.

Mine are symbolic. They are beautiful decoration to others, but to me they visually remind me daily of very important concepts. One i have i placed on my forearm so that i could see it every day. Be strong, keep going, you can do this.... I AM BRAVE. That's what it means. The pain of getting it was incidental - a side effect.

i hope your can derrive strength and peace in this experiment in connecting with your body.. i think it's a fabulous idea

[ECHOES]

How fun this sounds!! Great idea to try regarding the cutting and just sounds fun anyway.

I pictured T with "MissC" in a heart, with a banner across it---"my ONLY patient"

I hope you'll let us know how it goes and what you two come up with for tattoos.

[MissCharlotte]

Soliaree said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I STILL HAVE YOUR BATHROOM KEY

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">



Actually I returned it. BUT I think this is most definitely the title to a new song I am writing this weekend. It's a bluesy, country western tune about unrequited love. Here's the first stanza:

I still have your bathroom key
Wonder what you think of me
What will they do when they have to pee
If I still have your bathroom key

Peaceout

[MissCharlotte]

Jello,

Thanks.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
rawing forces us to use our right brain hemisphere and by default quietens the chatte

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Actually this is very interesting. So, the combination of drawing and skin stimulation might actually be a help, driven neurologically. We'll see.

Peace

[MissCharlotte]

Echoes,
I like your idea:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I pictured T with "MissC" in a heart, with a banner across it---"my ONLY patient"

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

LOL -- Yes definitely. Better yet, I will walk into his office next week with a banner across my chest that says, "Miss Psychoanalysis 2008"



:heart_spin

I'm glad that you are putting your therapy stories to good use

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I still have your bathroom key
Wonder what you think of me
What will they do when they have to pee
If I still have your bathroom key

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Second Stanza Possibility:

They'll have to set off the fire alarm,
And pee outside, away from harm.
The sprinklers might fill up the ole' *** print,
But the one who made it can just get bent.

Third:

Our therapeutic alliance now stands strong,
Although the ruptures I could have done without.
I'm thankful you finally admitted you were wrong,
As it's not in my nature to pout.

Fourth:

Sessions where fruit has been thrown,
But those hurts now we can mend.
You've helped me, see how I've grown?
I'm starting to believe you'll stay to the end.

[MissCharlotte]

I still have the bathroom key
Oh what must you think of me
I spilled my guts for you to hear
And still I wish that you were near