i think ive become too emotionally dependent on therapy!! help!!

Another thing: I no longer am in the business of changing people -- or I do not want to be in the business of changing them. I tried that for years and it did not work. My T may change over time as a result of our interaction, but I find it too hard to try to make him do so. And I seem to need it less than before.

Well, this morning my mood is a bit different, and I feel like adding things. I wonder if I am going to get censored, because I am going to be treading on ground that I think will frighten some people.

My mother enjoyed making us children suffer. I still remember sometimes the feeling of hatred coming from her. She loved to humiliate us. It gave her a kind of pleasure or release, I think. She told us she would "break" us. And she did. My father, the one who loved us (he actually even liked us) was afraid and left us to deal with the situation for ourselves. I saw that and could not stand to see it. The people on whom I depended for my life either hated me or left me to cope alone.

The lie that "God does not give you anything that you cannot bear" is false: "God" (or life) will give you things you cannot bear. Or, if the statement is correct, and you break anyway, then it is "your own fault" and it is not unreasonable to condemn you to eternal damnation for breaking. To me the story of "God" and Cain and Abel is a stark illustration of the power of the adult over the child. To me it is an illustration, not of divinity and "correct" judgement, but of human disorder.

Who are the people that need to condemn? They are people who suffer themselves and need to find some relief and some way to reverse their own sense that they have been condemned, who see others who are malefactors in their eyes as "adults" who should be better, who should be taking care of them. But there are no such people. We are all in it together.

Now in my adult life I still feel without understanding support; I still feel, more sometimes than others, the never-ending fear of a childhood without people strong enough to help me cope with what was happening. My therapist does not think through things sufficiently to see, I find no friends who understand (or are too afraid to understand). Does anyone on Psych Central see what the story is all about? It is about children not being able to cope with difficulties because they do not and cannot have enough understanding of what is happening to them. It is about "adults" who are still children not helping because they too are afraid. How many real grownups are there? A few, maybe. Not many. I guess it is up to us to try to grow that number in cooperation with each other. That is a battle that tires me.

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pachyderm said:
Now in my adult life I still feel without understanding support; I still feel, more sometimes than others, the never-ending fear of a childhood without people strong enough to help me cope with what was happening.

It is about children not being able to cope with difficulties because they do not and cannot have enough understanding of what is happening to them. It is about "adults" who are still children not helping because they too are afraid.

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Hi Pachy, your first paragraph ^, I know exactly what you are saying. I felt the same way when I was trying to get better. I remember searching and searching for answers and no one had them and no one understood. I didn't give up. I finally found my answers and now I understand myself. Actually, maybe you aren't allowing your T to give you this support?

Your second paragraph ^ is my mental health motto! This is exactly what goes wrong. You can now understand what happened to you and what is happening to you.

About your initial issue with the transference, I never really experienced any of this in therapy but if I were you I would work with it. I would tell T that he is reminding you of your mother. This way you can work through it with him. What an opportunity to work through it. Going back to the above topic, this is where you can get understanding support from your therapist but you must share with him first?