[lauren_helene]

He's getting married. He told me at the end of my session last night. It was already a hard session. I have been in a desperate cycle of both destructive behaviors and abandonment.

We were talking about how I'll never be with the love of my life. We met when we were 14 and even now at 38, its still there. But the door needs to close and I was having a hard time with this last night.

I go back and forth on how I feel about the whole thing. On one hand, I'm glad that he told me and I'm excited for him.

On the other hand, this feels like another loss how odd is that?

He's a real person like all of us and I am happy for him. Those other parts of me though creep in and the abandonment feelings come back stronger.

Anyway, I see him Monday and Wednesday and then I won't until Sept 8th... I'm dreading the break already and it isn't here yet.

Ouch!

That's a pretty big bombshell to drop at the end of session.

I haven't had this experience, but I've heard other people say that their T getting married or having a baby has brought up tons of feelings - jealousy, fear, abandonment. So I would say whatever you are feeling is normal, and probably expected.

I hope you're able to talk about how you're feeling in the sessions before his break! And then, you can talk to us during the break itself

[sunrise]

That's big news, indeed. Will he be getting married over the break? It sounds like your session contained a lot of grief and loss. First, the love of your life. Then T. Even though you know he will still be your therapist, it can be hard to let him go enough to feel and share his happiness. It sounds like you are handling a lot of conflicting emotions right now. (((((lauren_helene)))))

[lauren_helene]

Yes this has been tough for sure. Part of me is so angry at him because I am suffering so many losses and it came to a head last week.

So he drops more on me... it is the timing that bothers me not so much the details. Although, he will be moving eventually but I knew that already. I wonder if the move is soon so he's taking this in stages.

He has easily let me see him twice a week now for a month. Sunny you know this therapist used to fight me on that. So, now I think I know why...

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
lauren_helene said:
Part of me is so angry at him because I am suffering so many losses...

So he drops more on me... it is the timing that bothers me not so much the details.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">So you wish he had not disclosed his marriage to you? Especially not at that time? What has been the pattern of self-disclosure from him that has been typical for you in the past? Is he in the habit of self-disclosing? My T self discloses a lot to me, by mutual agreement, and it has been beneficial to me. However, that doesn't work for everyone. And as you said, in this instance the timing was not good at all! I would feel oddly brushed aside if I was talking to my T about something really traumatic or intense and suddenly he switched the conversation to something not relevant, such as that he was getting married, that his father was sick, etc. Lauren, if knowing details of your T's life is not therapeutic for you, could you tell him?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
He has easily let me see him twice a week now for a month. Sunny you know this therapist used to fight me on that. So, now I think I know why...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">So you think maybe he is giving you the 2 sessions a week just to placate you? That he really believes 2 sessions is not best, but why hold fast to what he thinks is best because he'll be terminating with you soon anyway due to his move? An alternative is that he thinks you can benefit from 2 sessions per week. Can you clarify this with him? It could lead to a rift between you if you are thinking ill of his intent when his intent wasn't that at all.

[lauren_helene]

Yes he discloses here and there when its relevant. Actually, he can't win because I would've been upset finding out later. After more thought, I think he told me because the last time with the 16-day break, he told me nothing and I went over the edge.

Now he tells me and I'm going over the edge...maybe the lesson is mine and not his...I should tell him this tonight

I will address though the timing of his news but the session was over. He was looking something up for me when he told me.

I need to know when he is moving. If he gives me one week's notice for that, you all will here me from Texas.