Should I, shouldn't I????

Thank you guys for the replys. I woke up just now switched on the pc and expected to see my posts someplace near the bottom of this forum by now :-( I mean even I'm pissing me off now.

!Chaotic! LOL!!

I'm not sleeping at the moment and lying awake contemplating everything, I hate it when I go into overdrive mode! BUT there you have it, I'm just a vunrable humanbeing trying to beat "the system of vunrablity and be cured and not have to feel a thing" well how sad what that actually be? Pretty sad I say.

I think what I was most upset about with T's reply, was the truth of it, I accuse of her lying when infact I wanted her to lie, I wanted her to say, "oh come see me today, you really don't have to experince this anymore, I'll make it all go away" and thats what I wanted, and how does that connect to my past? When my mother told me I wasn't her real child and my real mother gave me away. I wanted her to take that back, make it a lie, but what I reallsed is the BIG difference here is, my adoptive mother left it at that, she never helped me through those emotions because she couldnt deal with that thruth herself and I made them go away through dissocation and later on through drink and drugs and have felt alone with that pain ever since, but yesterday? T said "we" she isn't afraid to tell me that, yes, the vaction is long and it is painful but we are getting through it, if my adoptive mother had say sat me on her lap when she told me her "Truth" and hugged me and said, "yoiu know what, we're get through this and it doesnt matter your not my real child, as far as I'm concerned you are and it doesn't make an ounce of different to me, we are still as before" thats where my anger was coming from, she didnt do that, she let me go, she disappeared into her world and me mine!

So thank you T for being strong enought to not be afraid of truth!!

Now I'll really shut up LOL!!

((all))

Mouse,
Thank you so much for sharing all this. As the mother of two girls who we adopted I find it very helpful to read about how you wish your a-mom had dealt with telling you. My girls were older but I still have sat with them and tried to comfort them. Their biological parents were not able to be the kind of parents they needed so we were given that blessing.

It has has some healing effects for me as well. I was not given to be adopted I was kept and neglected and abused by my mother. She did the best she could but... well, she was not able to be the parent I needed. So I am working at reparenting myself.

Good insights Mouse, seeing the problem clearly opens the door to finding ways to heal.