[krazibean]

This is a letter i wrote to T and i'm not sure if i should give it to her. I'm not sure because i don't know if its really worth talking about, or if its just something i need to work out in my head and accept. Like i said in the letter, its really not that big of a deal, but if it kept happening it would be. so do i bring this up now or when it/if it actually becomes a problem?

T,
I’m writing this as a way to get out what is on my mind so I can show this to you the next time I see you. It’s not that big of a deal, it’s not something I’m obsessing over, but it’s something I noticed and I think is worth expressing to you. While it’s fresh in my mind, I’m going to explain it now:

First, I appreciate you calling me on Wednesday like I asked you to. I wasn’t sure what state of mind I would be in and I wasn’t sure if I would need to talk to you or not, so planning a time to talk ahead of time made the most sense to me incase we had trouble getting a hold of each other if I needed you. It turns out I was in a place that was ok, and there wasn’t anything specific I needed from you. I wasn’t in crisis or in need of encouragement. (although I could always use encouragement). But it wasn’t something I was craving. What I did want and I think I expressed this, was to just connect superficially for a few minutes. We didn’t have to dive into anything but it just felt nice having you there with me for a little. After I told you I was ok it seemed like you were ready to hang up. I appreciate you staying for a little longer and talking about some ideas for my English paper. But when I hung up I got the feeling that you had felt “forced” to be talking to me. Like, when you said “Is there anything else you want to talk about?” it reminded me of a little kid saying, “Am I done my work now? Can I go play?” Usually I do like when you ask me that question because it gives me a chance to say something if I need to. It’s just a feeling I got, and the reason I recognized it is because there are plenty of times I hang up with you feeling like we had a really good connection and you were really there with me and when we’re done I feel refreshed and ready to take on life. This one felt a little different to me because I feel like I connected with you but I didn’t feel anything back. I know the point isn’t for you to have a good conversation with me like you would with one of your friends, and maybe since you had just seen me the day before we didn’t really NEED to connect again. It just felt different, and I’m not blaming you because I’m thankful we got a chance to at least talk. Maybe it was the place you were in, or you had something on your mind. Or maybe our conversation was just boring to you, I’m not sure. Even when we were talking about topics it seemed like you felt burdened or bothered by me taking up your time to talk about something so unnecessary. I just saw my English paper as a little problem I was having and maybe something you’d enjoy helping me with. Maybe its not something I should have brought up. My mom never got interested in my school work either. I know we can’t experience this great connection each time we talk, and I know you can’t talk to me like you would a friend, but I’m just saying this time it felt like you didn’t really enjoy talking to me like I’ve perceived before. I know you’ve told me before that you do enjoy talking to me, so this perception threw me off me a little.

It’s just a vibe I got. I’m not trying to make a big deal out of it because it’s really not, but I do think it’s worth discussing a little at least about why I got that vibe or if I was totally off.

I like talking to you on all levels. I find myself curious about your opinions sometimes because I like finding things we have in common. Sometimes I do need to just connect over a superficial conversation, and feel you connect as well. Its comforting to have that.
Krazibean

a big reason i'm hesitant to send this is because i make such a stink about her not calling me. Now when she does actually call me i'm gonna make a stink about the way she was? It just doesn't seem right to do that, likei need to "pick my battles." but at the same time...do i have a good point to bring up

Krazibean,

I would definitely give it to her. I understand not wanting to be too critical (since you've already "complained" about her calling), and that logic might apply to outside of therapy relationships, but I think the point of therapy is to be attuned to and to discuss all of the little feelings/perceptions that come up for you, not to skip over them so as not to be a bother or something. You wrote it in a super-respectful way, and so she should be able to interpret it as you trying to tell her about your reactions to things (not get defensive and make it about her).

As for the content itself, I sometimes jump to conclusions about what the other person (like T) is thinking. And sometimes, maybe because of past experiences, I'm quick to assume the other person is having a negative reaction. But sometimes it's more about my expectations than what is actually happening. If you think there is the slightest chance that that is what happening with you here, isn't it worth it to bring up the topic and get a chance to explore what she actually was feeling and compare it to what you thought? I think it would be. That's my two cents. Good luck!

[Mouse_]

Yes send it, it seems there is a good chance to "work through" something here...you seem to be re-experiencing something and thats always good stuff to work with!

I'm sorry I couldn't actually read the whole thing as I have difficulty without more "white space" (paragraphs)--just something my eyes & brain have a hard time with, but I think communicating with your therapist is really important. I often write letters as I do better communicating in the written word.

Go for it.--Suzy

[chaotic13]

Mmmm...I wouldn't send it... then again maybe that is why I am still in therapy

Maybe instead of sending the letter you could just make it a point to talk to her about how you felt after the phone call.

[sunrise]

I would probably discuss the topic in person rather than sending the letter. You could bring the letter with you for reference, if you think you may forget what you wanted to say or get stuck. It's a good topic for discussion!

Good luck.