[02221983]

Hello to all, I have been seeing my therapist now for about six months she is great we talk as if we are friends share info about girly stuff and recipes. With that said I am having a serious problems I can’t stop thinking about my therapist I thought talking about my feeling about would help but all she does is blush and all smile and tell how much she likes me and it is a normal feeling but I think it happing too much…I even fined myself having conversation with her in my mind.. I don’t know what to do. At my last session I told her I want to see a different therapist because I need to talk about my issues’ and I can’t talk to her because I fear she will not like me any more because some of the things may sound too crazy. She also say that it will happen again with the new therapist so we should just work it out..HELP HELP what should I do. I really like her as a person nothing more. And I want to keep it that way so maybe later on we can exchange contact info.

[Junerain]

Show your therapist this post and share with her that your thoughts are too often and too unhealthy, that it is only best you give it a try with someone else, if she knows you posted here about it and print it out and show her, she will understand the severity of the problem..

[multipixie9]

Hi 02....,

I must agree with Junerain, this is not a healthy theraputic situation. It bothers me even more that the T is not herself saying something about the focus of your emotions. It is against your theraputic interests and that makes it wrong for you and her training should have made sure she knew this and acted to stop it.

Run don't walk to get someone else to help you so you actually get help and not another problem.

You deserve help. I hope you can resolve this quickly and get on to the real purpose of why you came to a T.

Leslie and the Pixies

[krazibean]

i don't necessarily agree that you leave this therapist. as i said in the other thread, i think this is a problem thats occuring for a reason, and if you run away it will only follow you. work this out with your therapist and get down to the reasons behind all this.

[Onzichtbaar]

Hiya,

I think the important question is: is your therapist a friend or is she a therapist? I don't think it is really possible for her to be both, professionally. Therapists are not professionally allowed to maintain dual relationships with their clients i.e. to be friends outside of therapy, to meet for coffee... Are you just talking about hobbies and mutual interests during the therapy time or are you talking about deeper things? If you are just sticking to the former, does your therapist ask you why you are avoiding deeper topics?

The fact that your therapist cannot be your friend doesn't mean your therapist doesn't like you, feel friendly towards you - it's a complex thing. I don't think you should be scared by the way you feel toward her - a lot of people in therapy become strongly attached to their therapists and even imagine what they would say to their Ts when they're not there - therapists call these feelings 'transference' - some people fall in love with their therapists - therapy is an intense situation where feelings can become very strong. I think a good attachment is essential for the therapeutic work to happen - you need to feel a great deal of trust toward that person to share what you need to share. Often there is a conflict between opening up and the fear of them judging you, but the whole point is that they won't judge us - that's why you need to be able to trust her. Why don't you start by talking to her about why you find it so hard to talk about your issues... why you feel the resistance... your fear she won't like you anymore... your desire to maintain a friendship outside of therapy. It's fine to have this desire, but if your therapist is doing her job, she should explain to you that you won't be able to act out that desire.

I think that you should stay with your therapist - don't be scared away by your feelings toward her. Therapists are trained to work with these feelings - many consider such an attachment as essential to the therapeutic work. If your T doesn't seem to be able to deal with it, then that's more of a problem - likewise, if you only seem to be talking about recipes and other trivial things, then you're not really doing 'therapy'. Remember that you are paying this lady to help you work on your emotional problems, rather than for friendship (you don't pay for friendship). Of course, one of her roles may be to support you, encourage you - and in this way, sharing things in common can be nurturing and healing.

I hope this helps and that you can work through this. I've been in therapy for over a year and a half and many times I've felt scared to go deeper, through fear that my T won't like me anymore, that he'll be freaked out and won't see me any longer. Each time, he's had to show me that he won't do this and I've had to trust him... that's really a big part of the process. Likewise, in the first months, we built up a good relationship - shared a lot of things - like our interest for art and traveling - he lent me books even, I would do the same. This was a great way to build trust in the first place. I can mail him between sessions or phone him - I have his home number. He is the one person who probably knows me the best - even better than my fiancee. That said, I know that I will never be a friend of his, per se - will never come to dinner or share any other social activity with him, and of course I pay for the time I spend with him.

Greetings,
Onzichtbaar

[meeka]

Originally Posted by 02221983

Hello to all, I have been seeing my therapist now for about six months she is great we talk as if we are friends share info about girly stuff and recipes. With that said I am having a serious problems I can’t stop thinking about my therapist I thought talking about my feeling about would help but all she does is blush and all smile and tell how much she likes me and it is a normal feeling but I think it happing too much…I even fined myself having conversation with her in my mind.. I don’t know what to do. At my last session I told her I want to see a different therapist because I need to talk about my issues’ and I can’t talk to her because I fear she will not like me any more because some of the things may sound too crazy. She also say that it will happen again with the new therapist so we should just work it out..HELP HELP what should I do. I really like her as a person nothing more. And I want to keep it that way so maybe later on we can exchange contact info.

In your post I noticed both therapeutic and non-therapeutic aspects of your relationship with the therapist. While I do not think that thinking a lot about her, especially as now you may be getting into a deeper layer of therapy wrong - I think thats quite natural, because the therapist tends to start to occupy those parts of our sub-conscious relationships which are not resolved. So she will mean a lot to you, especially in a subconscious context, due to which you will be able to bring your pathologies on to her, which she can help you resolve. In fact your mental dialogue with her will change into your own inner voice which will grow much stronger over this course. Soon you will be able to use this voice to guide your actions, regardless if she is there or not. Which I think is an efficient goal for the therapy. In fact If she had no impact on you, that would be disturbing and possibly superficial. You not being able to talk about issues because you think she will judge you negatively is an issue you must resolve with her, because it will come up, which ever therapist that you see.
However, I am bit uncomf about when you said girlie things?? You are not supposed to know her as a person, that will hamper your therapeutic growth. If she is an efficient therapist, she will take care, but if you notice a lot of her personality come through instead of objective interpretation of your issues, that would be wrong.
Are you on the couch and/or do you get to see her during your session? If she is out of view, she will come across less as a person and more as a voice who can help you.
Take care and carry on