[krazibean]

Just as i was walking out, I saw T and her family walking around the farm i work at. They were going back to see the animals. immediately i turned around to go "talk" to the people that work outside. really i just wanted to be near T. After they came back around from seeing animals, i was standing with a few people. As she walked behind me i turned around to "see" who was walking behind me. She looked up and gave me a smile not showing teeth and a wave with all her fingers glued together. It was quick and that was it. Then she walked into the store with her fam to get ice cream. I went in the store and got ice cream for someone who was working outside, and i walked around the store for a few minutes pretending to make sure everything was in order before i left. Then as they left, i walked out and said goodbye to the people outside, and i happened to get in my car right as they were driving away. I followed them for about a half of a mile before they had to turn on a road and i was going straight.

I felt like going up to her and being like HI! (hug) Introduce me to your family! how are you? Let me show you around the farm! But no, I got a half smile and quick wave, barely even acknoweleged, and no goodbye. It hurts so bad. I feel like i know her enough that i could have hung out with her for a little, or at LEAST approach her. I know T's won't say hi unless you say hi first, but i've seen her at my work before and as soon as we make eye contact we both initiate a hello of some sort at the same time. and the one night i was working register by myself, she and her fam came in to get ice cream. she said hi as she passed by me, and then got ice cream and walked out. then, she BY HERSELF came back in and bought cookies and brought them to MY register. She made small talk like, "you get the good job tonight" (cause my register wasn't busy.) then she said, "have a nice weekend, ok?" with that look in her eye of stay safe. so that night she did talk to me one on one.

tonight i felt like i purposely followed her around. i would have followed her right into her car if i could have. I would have followed her down the road she turned on if i could have. but...that would be more like stalking.

I just wish we could have more of a relationship. Its the most intimate yet unreal relationship ive ever had. I can tell her I want to kill myself but i can't say more than hi outside the office? its messed up.

ugh, i'm so depressed.

[krazibean]

i'm still really struggling and upset. please help me get through this

[embarassed]

I have similar feelings about my pdoc. I often wish we could have more of a relationship or hang out or something. I think about him all the time and I wonder what he's doing, what his hopes and fears are, what he does in his free time, his relationship with his kids, and basically wondering what he's like as a person. I've even driven by his house and googled the s*** out of him. I'm too crazy to be of any help to you but maybe you can take some comfort in knowing that you're not the only one who wants to have more of a relationship with a T or pdoc. And now you know that there are people out there who are weirder than you are. At least you're not stalking anyone.

[MissCharlotte]

((krazibean))

I think the relationship we have with T is so special like a parent/child bond and it exists within the setting that is the therapy room. Once we leave that room we put on our "outside world faces" and adopt our regular persona. So, it makes perfect sense that you wouldn't feel comfortable approaching T and offering to show her the animals. I think the fact that you made eye contact was special in and of itself.

I probly would have run the other way and hid.

Don't worry, I bet T's are very protective of us both in and out of session. She was protecting your privacy as well, you know?

Take care.

[sunrise]

((((krazibean))))

In your interaction, it was you who were reticent, you who did not walk up to her and introduce yourself, you who did not offer to show her around the farm. It's OK you were uncertain and reluctant to do these things. It is often confusing about the therapist-client boundaries (I understand completely when you say "it's messed up"), since they are so unique. It sounds like you don't know how much interaction/contact would be appropriate/permitted outside the office. I think your T follows your lead outside of the office. If you had spoken to her, she probably would have too. But I also think you were being respectful, worried you would cross boundaries and initiate more contact than she wanted. I think a talk about this with T would be really helpful.

Maybe your following her car for a half mile was an attempt to connect after the disappointment of the minimal interaction at the farm.

I think I saw my T once at an event I went to that was open to the public. He was standing in the common area, and I was headed to a classroom to attend a seminar. I am not sure it was him, but I think maybe it was. My response was to quickly look away from him (he was engaged in conversation with someone else) and hurry down the hallway to my class. Aaaaackk! You are a lot braver than I was, to even acknowledge your T outside her office. I think it's OK to feel awkward about this.

[coconut64]

Hi KB,
I've never encountered my T outside the office. I live in a big city so the chances of that happening are very slim. I'm not sure how I would react. I really think you did the best you could given all the feelings that our Ts stir up in us. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I've been seeing my T for a year and I'm still struggling to understand how he fits in my life. Please keep sharing with us and be kind to yourself. We all understand

[Behindthecouch]

Originally Posted by coconut64

Hi KB,
I've never encountered my T outside the office. I live in a big city so the chances of that happening are very slim. I'm not sure how I would react. I really think you did the best you could given all the feelings that our Ts stir up in us. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I've been seeing my T for a year and I'm still struggling to understand how he fits in my life. Please keep sharing with us and be kind to yourself. We all understand

Hi KB,

I agree with coconut - you did the best you could in the circs. I don't know how I'd feel about seeing T (I also live in a big city) but I know that in training therapists are discouraged from having any "dual relationships" (meaning anything outside of the session) with any client - even in a small community. Theya re not supposed to ignore you but equally nothing is meant to happen beyond simple acknowledgement that could influence the therapy.

The way we feel about our therapists is really complex and I can only imagine what you are going through from my own (not entirely dissimilar) experiences and those of the other therapy clients I talk with.

How does she normally deal with seeing you in the next session? Is anything mentioned or is it like two different worlds coexisting?

I sometimes think therapy ought to come with a warning..

All the best!

BTC.x