"I'll catch you if you fall."

I can't go into describing what happened in session today. It is too much to recount and process right now. I'm also in the process of analyzing last night's dream, so I can't go into the session stuff at this point.

I will say that at the end of the session T wanted me to stand up. I was feeling very unsteady on my feet. I stood up and he took my hand. I told him I felt like I was going to pass out, and that I was very unsteady.

T said, "Don't worry. I will catch you if you fall."

There is the literal meaning, of course-- but then there is the greater meaning. Within the chaos of my emotions in that session, there was a moment of absolute safety. Sure... if I literally fell down, T would catch me. But to me, his statement went so much beyond that.

I willl email him about this. The greater meaning of this statement may or may not have been consciously realized by him. However, I trust my interpretation in regards to the meaning that I constructed from his statement. I want him to know what I heard when he said that. He was concerned about how safe I feel in his office-- I need him to know how safe I feel with him.

((((((((((((((((((((((( pink ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

The words our T's say to us can be so powerful and meaningful.

I remember once feeling very sleepy and headachey from dissocating so much in session, and I told T I just wanted to rest my eyes and maybe nap, and he said "It's okay, I'll watch over you". And right then, I felt SO SAFE and cared for.

I'm so glad that T made you feel so safe

i'm glad your T said that to you. it has to be one of the biggest gifts a T can give. it must feel warm and good inside.

(((((((((((pink!)))))))))))))

I emailed him this last night:

I really wanted to comment on was your statement: "Don't worry-- I will catch you if you fall." There is the literal meaning, of course-- that if I actually passed out in your office, I doubt you would let me drop to the floor and crack my poor head open... and then there is the greater meaning of which I constructed an understanding... that your words went so beyond the literal meaning for me.

I have no idea if you consciously realized the greater significance to what you said. However, I trust my interpretation in regards to the meaning that I constructed from your statement. I wanted you to know what I heard when you said that. I know you were concerned in regards to what extent I felt safe in your office-- I need you to know that I I feel safe with you. Thank you for not being scared or running away (Where the hell would you run anyway? Under your desk?) And finally, thank you for the touch of your hand. At the very end of the session, it was difficult, as you may already know, to not want to be closer to you-- not in a sexual way but in a way, but in a way in which I would feel protected.... to be held is to be contained, and to decrease the feelings of loss of control that result from experiencing such emotional intensity in the open... a small room becomes quite overwhelming... but I believe that is is why it is so important for me to be able to feel the touch of your hands... because, to me, it is both protective and grounding.

I haven't heard back yet.... I left him a msg. to let him know to check his email b/c he tells me to do that. I am not sure if he would have gotten a chance to read it yet-- there is no computer access at his office.