My annoying psychiatrist

I am currently on my 19th medication-- Lamictal.

Some background on my most recent medication issues, prior to the Lamictal:

Before Lamictal, I was on Lithium. In addition the the Lithium, my pdoc put me on Lexapro. Going off Lexapro was one of the most uncomfortable, difficult experiences-- the withdrawal symptoms were horrible, and lasted almost five weeks before they completely wore off. The withdrawal symptoms made it hard for me to function. It actually took me two times to taper off the Lexapro-- the first time was so difficult, I couldn't take it-- the second time I knew I had to get off of it somehow... it got to the point in which I was taking 2.5mg every other day.

Since last week, I have found myself slipping into a depressive episode-- it is different than the grief that I have been feeling... I think it is my "normal" depression combined with grief. I was supposed to call the pdoc two weeks after I started taking 150mg of Lamictal-- which was yesterday. Additionally, I spoke with T yesterday, and he urged me to call pdoc.

I received a message from my pdoc today and he told me to try going up 50 more milligrams on the Lamictal... and consider adding Lexapro. He must be ****ing crazy. He also asked me to let him know if I had "any other ideas or another route to take."

Now I understand that my doctor is respecting my knowledge of psychiatric meds and letting me be an active participant in my treatment... but come on-- why doesn't he just hand me the ****ing prescription pad and call me doctor??

I have said it one million times-- that I am done with medications. Yet, I continue to feel hopeful that something will work. My father was always so hopeful for me. He would stay on the phone with me for an hour or more after I took a new medication because he knew how scared I would feel.

When T urged me to call my pdoc so quickly, it made me feel bad-- it made me feel like he was "passing the buck." There have been many times when I have taken my pills and just chucked them down the drain... I know it is not exactly the most mature/intelligent thing to do, but I am getting close... This is so frustrating.

(pinksoil) I wish your pdoc was more caring and listened to you about your symptoms that you experience. Maybe you need a second opinion

Unfortunately, that would be a 9th opinion.

He is my 8th psychiatrist. I don't think it is so much that he doesn't listen-- I honestly think he has run out of ideas and has no idea what to do with me. I don't know what to do with me.

pink, it sounds like you had trouble (i.e. hell) coming off of Lexapro. But how was it when you were on Lexapro? Was it at all helpful or totally a bust?

I think it is a positive your pdoc uses the team approach (includes patient in decision making). My GP and PNP both have the same philosophy.

Is the Lamictal helping at all?

You must be exhausted with the trying. I guess there may come a time when you say no to meds. But I understand--hope can spring eternal.

I think he hates to see you suffer and feels helpless. I don't think he's passing the buck but hoping you can get help somewhere. I think he will try very hard himself to help you when next you see him for therapy.

Hope you can stop or slow the slide. Take care.

That really bites pink.
one poss option... there is Neurosciences testing for brain chemicals and they can tell you which are low and have supplements to boost them. In theory, anyone can ask their dr to do this. It is a simple saliva and urine sample - taken at home - and sent out. Then there are supplements... I am doing this along with a very low dose of meds and I can tell a difference. The only drawback i can find is that it is not quick. But I can sure tell a difference when I forget them and go into manic episodes and injure. If you want, I can PM you with the phone number for Neurosciences.
Kiya

(((pinksoil)))

Do you think the Lamictal is connected with the depressive episode?
Did your pdoc discuss that this might be a possible side-effect?

I certainly understand your desire to be done with meds, and if you've said it that many times, maybe it is an issue worth digging into.

Perhaps instead of reacting, you can discuss a plan to taper yourself off drugs with the support of your doctors. Consider all sorts of different things to integrate into your whole-self wellness plan.

If you have that desire, I believe you can find a healthy way to achieve your goal. I know you're smart, have had a ton of experience and learning, have a great system of support... why not?

What a wonderful father!
It sounds like he was supportive you *you feeling good*, and not necessarily just taking the meds. His hope for you is a part of you now.

I hope you feel better soon!

Pink,
It must be so frustrating for you! You've patiently tried each medication. I do have HOPE for you I do hope that you will find a medication that works. I'm searching myself. Best of wishes to you.

That was going to be my question too. I was wondering why you decided to stop taking the Lexapro? Were you having negative side effects that weren't going away? I know it too me a couple weeks for the side effects to go away and feel more leveled out.

Lemon and Sunrise... I did not find any helpful effects while on Lexapro, in terms of my depression. Even if it was a miracle medication, I would never put something like that in my body again. Never. After what happened, I was really appalled at the addictive properties of the medication, and what happened to my body after taking it.

Have you tried or considered symbiax? My supervisor tells me it works wonders for some people after nothing else has seemed to help.

I know it's frustrating. I don't do prescriptions, but go through the same thing with herbs. SJW worked, but I don't keep taking it consistently and pretty soon I'm alternating between nothing and abusing it with way too much. I stop again, crash again, start again, experiment with kava, valerian, passionflower, catnip, .... When I have something working, I can't leave it alone. Don't know how much is the chemicals and how much is life, which always has ups and downs. I think that one key is accepting that it's never going to be perfect. Euthymia is boring, anyway.

I'm sorry your dad isn't there on the phone anymore. But he's still with you and he still cares about you. He still wants to support and comfort you any way that he can. Grief plus depression is tough, but you can get through this.

If you had a client who was experiencing exactly the same thing that you are right now, what would you do or say to help your client?

If Lexapro didn't work before, why would it work now? That seems odd that he would put you back on the same med without trying another SSRI first.

And I feel your pain on the withdrawal - I had a horrific withdrawal from Effexor a couple years ago. I will never take that med again. (I had to go off it cold-turkey because I couldn't get a refill prescription...bad therapist...long story)

Stick it out with the Lamictal - it works wonders, but it takes forever to get up to the right dose. I went up to 600mg! I'm on 500mg now. But you can only go up/down by 50mg at a time. And it's finally generic!

Ask your pdoc about Wellbutrin - I have heard from others that the combo of Wellbutrin and Lamictal works really well for the depression side. Wellbutrin isn't a SSRI.

I can't take an anti-depressant because Zoloft and Celexa both made me manic almost immediately.