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#26
Oct 17, 2008, 06:59 PM
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EM - I am glad that you are feeling a bit better.
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#27
Oct 17, 2008, 07:05 PM
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Earthmama. I'm glad T helped you.
Try to have a calm relaxing weekend, just 'being'. Sending you waves of peaceful thoughts and float-iness .....   ktgirl |
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#28
Oct 17, 2008, 08:27 PM
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[[[[[[[[[[earthmama]]]]]]]]]]
I'm glad you had a good session with your T. I came up with this affirmation years ago: "My worth as a person is determined by my 'being' not by my 'doing'. I hope you are able to just 'be' for a while.
__________________
"What is Real? asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day. "Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." -The Velveteen Rabbit by Marjorie Williams |
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#29
Oct 18, 2008, 03:03 AM
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((((earthmama))))
the year my mom died our issues hit the fan. i spiraled down into suicidal depression. my H has never been very supportive, he was angry and did not want me to do it. finally i forced the issue and decided i had to go take care of me because i was getting to a place where i could not be sure i wouldn't do something bad to myself. people from our church had to help our children and i spent 2 1/2 weeks in and it was my last hospitalization (i'd had 2 other small ip hosp.) i stayed up all night before going to the hospital doing laundry so H wouldn't be angry i'd left him the laundry to do. (I really WAS sick in the mind to do that!!!) he acted like he begrudged me a ride to the hospital and i decided next time i would call a cab if i had to and thank goodness, i've never needed to do that. long story short, YOU GOTTA CARE FOR YOU TO HELP THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you can't give when the well runs dry. you do deserve help and kindness and hope. ALL YOU ARE FEARING CAN BE WORKED OUT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU! i do care, em hugs dear, leslie and the pixies
__________________
 HEALING HAPPENS
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#30
Oct 18, 2008, 12:18 PM
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EM, I am so glad that you are feeling better
....
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#31
Oct 19, 2008, 01:30 AM
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Quote:
((((EM))))Actually EM, I find your posts very helpful and supportive! I'm not as open to sharing things that I feel and experience, and you inspire me to work more towards that, no matter how fearful it might be for me. 
__________________
--SIMCHA |
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#32
Oct 19, 2008, 10:20 AM
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Earthmama,
I hope that you are having a nice relaxing weekend.
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#33
Oct 19, 2008, 11:22 AM
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Yesterday was good. Today, not so much.
I talk to T sometime after 2. This is crazy. I hate it. |
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#34
Oct 19, 2008, 03:58 PM
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What is going on today that makes it worse?
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#35
Oct 19, 2008, 04:03 PM
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I know what ou mean about the hospital. My T has raised it a few times and its always felt like a threat to me, but i suppose thats my illness that feels mthat. At least your T is helping you and not pushing you to go in. Please take care.
__________________
 good things come to those who wait, and wait and wait |
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#36
Oct 19, 2008, 04:40 PM
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Not to drag this thread out forever, but I am almost considering going over there. I really just want to talk to someone, I don't want to stay. I missed out on the chance to talk to T today - left a message for him and told him we didn't need to talk, I thought I would be okay. Now I realize that was stupid.
I probably can't go over and not stay. Maybe I'll call a hotline or something. Maybe T will call. I hate this thread. |
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#37
Oct 19, 2008, 05:19 PM
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(((((((((((((earthmama)))))))))))))))))
Do whatever you need to do to STAY SAFE. I care about you and I am concerned.
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#38
Oct 19, 2008, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
I would call T earthmama. Your T is a lot like my T---he would be upset if you didn't call him and let him think you were okay when you really weren't. You deserve someone to listen to you when you are going through a rough spot. This thread is a good thread as it is just exactly what this forum was designed for---empathy, advice, and SUPPORT. We have all had bad days. Bad days--- they ALWAYS pass. You can email me SimSam2880@rocketmail.com or message me on PC--- Your not stupid, FYI--- it's just anxiety. Anxiety is the great deceiver. Don't wait for T to call-- call T before the emotions start to take hold and become too strong. Distraction, distraction, distraction! Wishing you safe and sending you hugs-
__________________
--SIMCHA |
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#39
Oct 19, 2008, 05:49 PM
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I would call your T and let him know how things are going. If you need to go in, then go in. Do what is best for you!
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#40
Oct 19, 2008, 06:52 PM
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(((EM)))
I hope you are doing OK. If you need to talk to someone maybe the hotline idea would be good. Hang in there.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#41
Oct 19, 2008, 07:38 PM
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(earthmama)
Call the hotline if you need. Take care of you.
__________________
 [/url] |
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#42
Oct 19, 2008, 07:56 PM
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((((((((((((earthmama)))))))))))))
Call the hotline if you need to. They're really scary, but can be really helpful for someone to talk to. Or leave a message for T, as many as you need, and keep getting the help you need. You can do this. Breathe. You can do this, because you've made it this far, and that's a BIG thing! You're loved here, please take care of yourself - do what you need to do to be healthy and care for yourself. 
__________________
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#43
Oct 19, 2008, 08:26 PM
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I did drive to the hospital. I just wanted to drive there to see what it would feel like. I told H I was going to Barnes and Noble.
It is about 30 minutes from my house. It's in a wooded setting, kind of nice, it was getting dark so I couldn't see much. I parked my car and got out and just PRAYED. I asked God or the universe or someone or SOMETHING to PLEASE tell me what to do. I felt safe there. I heard T in my head telling me to "stop running". But I thought about how far away my kids were and how hard it would be for someone else to care for them - especially my son with autism. I just kept praying. Finally, I got in my car and drove home. On the way home, I decided to take a hot shower and climb in my bed with the kids to watch a movie they were watching when I left (I hate movies, so never do that). I took a shower and put on my pajamas and climbed in between them. They cuddled up with me and we watched the movie. It reminded me that I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR THEM. The scary thoughts are so powerful....and its even scarier to feel how easy it would be to turn them into actions, how close it feels sometimes. I scared myself (again) today. But I'm still here. And now I can say I really did make it through another day. And I have T tomorrow. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( everyone ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so grateful for the kind words and hugs and listening ears. I don't think I've ever been quite this confused.
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#44
Oct 19, 2008, 08:48 PM
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Just want to say that I am thinking of you. It sounds like t. is being wonderful and supportive. But, some times it's not enough to get you thru the long haul. The hospital is only scary for a few hours the first day. After that, you meet a few people and get in to the daily groove of support groups, activity therapy, meals etc. It begins to slow your anxiety little by little. It's NOT a spa, but the staff doesn't push you in to things you are not ready for. Please consider this is if the work you are doing with t. just isn't "sticking". My H. was angry and frustrated too. He got over it. Especially when I came home sooo much better after 2wks. He really noticed a change. His anger WILL pass and you kids will have a more stable mom. The other benefit is that meds can be changed and regulated in a slow, safe place. tulips
__________________
 
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#45
Oct 19, 2008, 08:56 PM
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Hi Earthmama, i know that you are in a really tough situation, but try your best to stick with it. I can really feel your pain of treading water, but feeling like you're drowning. I've been there before, but i give you the best of my wishes that everything will turn out ok. Have you thought about bringing your husband with you to a therapy appointment so he could get a little bit of a bigger taste of what's happening. I know that this is rediculously hard, but I think that it is the best thing. PM me anytime if you feel like it. I'm open to anything.
You can vent any of your emotions and i will always hear you.  Best of wishes,dance59326
__________________
"Life is like photography, you use the negatives to develop"
"When the world says 'Give up,' Hope whispers 'Try it one more time'" ~ Unknown "To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment" Thich Nhat Hanh |
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#46
Oct 19, 2008, 09:51 PM
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((((((((((((((Earthmama)))))))))))))))))
That took a lot of courage to drive there and see how it feels... and also to drive home and interact! THinkng about you. kiya
__________________
Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.   alt="Universal Life Church | ULC" border="0">
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#47
Oct 20, 2008, 06:50 AM
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Kids are great sometimes.
Hope you are feeling better today.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#48
Oct 20, 2008, 08:32 AM
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I did leave T messages and e-mails yesterday. It's 9:30 Monday, still haven't heard from him.
If I don't hear from him before one I am NOT going to my appointment and I am just quitting. This is too ****ing MUCH. too much. |
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#49
Oct 20, 2008, 10:48 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((EM))))))))))))))))))))))))
don't push T away. He cares for you - you KNOW he does. You deserve his care and help. hang in there kt Quote:
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#50
Oct 20, 2008, 11:12 AM
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EM you can't quit therapy.....
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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