[sittingatwatersedge]

ok, I left T a voice mail to ask for an email address where I could write (this was a first) and got a voicemail back saying there isn't one, but if you need to talk, let me know when

and ok, so I called back - between sessions (for only the 2nd time in 14 months) and said, no, you don't HAVE to call me back... I'm just way down, and can't seem to shake it, and sort of said why

doesn't she know that that means, I really need you to say something here? Can't she read my mind?!?!

[internettie]

Yeah, what's up with T's not using their mind-reading skills on us. Seriously though, I've changed how I think about that with my T since one of our group members committed suicide. T was very clear that I need to tell her what's going on, that she might get a hint but that it's important for me to ask for what I need. That's probably the hardest thing to do, but I can see the importance of it now. And I'm not sure I'd really want T to read my mind.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by internettie

T was very clear that I need to tell her what's going on, that she might get a hint but that it's important for me to ask for what I need.

who me? ASK for what I need? when all my life it was just an opportunity to hear another "no"? I have no needs. Not me kid. I am The Needless Wonder.

of course, that's why I drop on a certain T now and then.

[internettie]

Yes, you! You deserve to get what you need. You are not the Needless Wonder (is that a superhero? LOL). You know that you have needs, just like I do. It's just scary to take that risk and ask. I say try it with T. You may want to check with her first to make sure that she indeed does not read minds. LOL

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by internettie

Yes, you! You deserve to get what you need. You are not the Needless Wonder (is that a superhero? LOL).

sure the Needless Wonder is a superhero, with a cape that makes me invisible. I needed it, growing up... these days it gets a bit sad though. the thing is, I don't feel like I deserve anything so I don't ask.

T's empathic but not telepathic. Not that hard is it -someone calls in the middle of time-between-sessions, like never before, and says, oh you don't need to call me back.
If she doesn't, I won't blame her, lol

[chaotic13]

Sittingatwatersedge...I get what you are saying. Many times I have email my T asking, but not explicitly asking for a response. Usually, none followed. I've often thought...If someone I was treating sent me this...I would have responded. Maybe I just don't get how making people beg for a reply is beneficial. Not sure how it factors into getting the patient to think you care or building trust. Maybe if I had zillions of patients contacting me at all hours of the day.... maybe I'd understand it better.

[phoenix7]

I hear you sittingatwatersedge, I remember once when I was as close to the edge as I got and my work T asked me how I wasa going and I said Fine and he said great! and I thought hey Hello dont you know Fine means -

Frazzled Insecure Neurotic and Everything in my life if crap! - dont you have your mind reading hat on?! for crying out loud I expect he walked off down the corridor thinking that's good she's feeling better! LOL

And asking for things when you know in your heart the answer will always be NO! and not wanting to be Needy because in my head Needy = Victim adn so I have No Needs - this is a Need Free Zone ! where's that suprehero when you need him! Reaching out = being slapped down

I think we (I) am looking for the SuperT who knows what I mean when I cant find any words, who knows when I say I am feeling a little dark that I am in a pit of despair and that when I say I am "handling things well" it means I am hanging on to my sanity (what little I have) by my fingernails! So far I've only found HumanT's who take me at my word - hey if you're out there SuperT - you know where I live (he reads minds you know) see you in ten mins! P7

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

Many times I have email my T asking, but not explicitly asking for a response. Usually, none followed. I've often thought...If someone I was treating sent me this...I would have responded.

i think the same with my work T - email me if you feel stressed and I will come down and see you he said - so I did when I finally managed to break the "it's just because I'm weak and stupid that this is upsetting me - get over it" self talk and emailed him he emailed me back and said try deep breathing and all I did was email back and say - thanks I think a lot of us are good at hiding our feelings for fear (hate that word) of being redused help or being hurt - (same thing) so T's can't see how we really feel because we hide it well.

Maybe I just don't get how making people beg for a reply is beneficial. Not sure how it factors into getting the patient to think you care or building trust.
I think they are just taking us literally - we dont ask for a reply so we dont get one - there's that asking thing again! (have to learn how to do that....well I would if I needed anything - BUT I DONT OK! LOL)

Maybe if I had zillions of patients contacting me at all hours of the day.... maybe I'd understand it better.

that's probably it you know,

Take care P7

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

and I thought hey Hello dont you know Fine means - Frazzled Insecure Neurotic and Everything in my life is crap! - dont you have your mind reading hat on?! for crying out loud

==============================
LOL! thanks for this!! From now on, I'm going to use it - I'm FINE!

[chaotic13]

P7 said: there's that asking thing again! (have to learn how to do that....well I would if I needed anything - BUT I DONT OK! LOL)

Exactly!