Do you talk about sex with your T?

I talk to my T about sex. At one point about four months into my therapy she took out her pencil and said "we need to get your sexual history". I was a bit surprised, but I think this method made it easier for me. This is my first experience with therapy and it felt like this is just what happens...like an intake form when you get a physical. I related the outline of my sexual past, from prepubescent play to my current relationship. It's made it much easier to talk about sex when issues come up for me.

I even told her that I had erotic transference for her. She asked if I had fantasies about her. I said I did, but I couldn't talk about them in detail. There's still work to be done there.

My T once asked me about relationships - whether i had a partner to share with - i told him that i was better off alone - - I am a stand alone pc in a network world!

He had enough trouble getting me to admit that i had been sexually abused as a child - talk about sex - not a hope in that hot place!

There is no specific reason. I don't have too much of an imbalance count, a slightly higher testoerone level than normal for a female, but my doctor hasn't mentioned any sort of worries in that respect. I just got way too nervous when anything went beyond more than "second base" with a guy when I did date teh few that I did. With copious amounts of alcohol, I was less self-conscious, but still never let it get past a certain point. My T asked me a few times if anything ever happened to me, but I am 99.99% sure I was never abused sexually. Soo....I HAVE NO CLUE.
Oh my god, mine did too a few months ago!! I was talking about how I feel SO awful if I've made someone mad at me, or been disrespectful or irritated or something, and it made me feel worse about myself. She goes "You know, you've got to tell yourself 'i've f**ed up, I'm still a good person." For like a week I was like "Oh my god! I can't believe she swore!" like a kid when they first hear their parents swear. I still couldn't imagine swearing though while in therapy.

I have a male T. For the first year (or two) I wouldn't even mention sex. This is really funny because I am so open about talking about sex with others. The main reason why I wouldn't talk about sex with him was because I thought that if I did mention sex in any context, he would automatically think it had to do with sexual feelings for him (which was, of course, completely true, lol).

Now I just come right out with it. I have told him how I like it, issues with my husband, past experiences, I have told him I have sexual feelings for him, I use very raw terms (which he uses right back in the discussion).

Some things are embarrassing to talk about, I admit... But I have reached the point in therapy where I don't see the point for me if I'm not going to use the "say anything" liberty.

i wonder if the book was Sex God. i've been wanting to read it.

it would never even occur to me to talk about sex in therapy. who knows, maybe i will someday but i think i'll start with relationships, or their lack, first. i figure therapists have heard it all.

My T doesn't mind swearing. I swear quite a bit in session; my T swears without the anger in his voice that I usually have when I swear, and he only does it sparingly. I'm the "Angry Young Man" syndrome or something. I think I swear so that I don't explode.

I tried hitting my pillow... it's not hard enough

ANYWAY...
Maybe shyness issues prevent you from getting close... or fear. I'd explore that issue with your T... it doesn't sound like a sexual issue in your case; more like a barrier to getting close to people. Sex is only one part of a relationship.

my pdoc swears on the odd occassion. the first time he did it i think i giggled, he's catholic and he swore so properly. he never does it with anger in his voice, it's more like he's talking on "my level" (i must swear like a sailor or something).

my psychologist never swears. he immediately assumes i'm angry if i swear, also. it's a bit annoying - i just use it as a fill in word at times, there usually isn't ill intent behind it.

Yep,it was! And I was going to post a link, but it turns out I can't figure out how

I thought of this thread yesterday after my session. I did some integrative exercise... seem more like lets see how many things I can tell chaotic to do while trying to visualize a stressful encounter... (BTW-if you know what this technique is how it works, etc...don't tell me-I am trying to avoid feeding my curiosity) Anyway, although I felt really stupid trying to do what she asked, I was a good little patient and did it anyway. Trust right!

Well, the situation I chose to visualize, was a very close physical encounter but not sexual. However, my body/mind tends to make every close encounter sexual! As I have mentioned, I get very stressed when sexual topics arise and very resistant to any type of elaboration on comments made by my T. What I liked best about the technique my T used was, that she didn't need me to tell her all the nitty-gritty details of encounter for it to work. I was like GREAT, I can save face by keeping my warped freaky thought to myself and still get help!

Now here is the weird part..about half way through the visualization--mental confusion exercise, I felt like just yelling...STOP ALREADY! I felt this URGE to just purge and confess every little detail and emotion associated with the situation I was visualizing. I wanted to TELL her every detail, every freaky thought that was triggered during the event!!! I have no idea why, or for what purpose, but I just wanted to purge. Not only that... I think I could have actually said it out loud and discussed it. I've never felt like this before. Has anyone else experienced something like this during a session. I kind of got the impression that the technique was suppose to make the event I was visualizing less vivid and my reaction to it less pronounced...but it kind of did the opposite to me. I resisted the urge to purge since it seemed like it would be counter-productive to the exercise. I did purge everything in my journal immediately following the session.

I will say, I was totally fine when I left the session, wasn't feeling triggered, didn't have a lot of mental noise, wasn't freaked out about the thoughts I had. Could be a weird placbo effect. Maybe my ADHD cause the reverse affects. If you want to know what chaotic is really thinking about sex...overstimulate her brain until she cries UNCLE! LOL

I think its both (shyness and fear), but I don't know why its so all-consuming. sigh.

I think shyness is like... a type of anxiety disorder...maybe sometimes clusters of anxiety disorders.

I've been told that what you pay attention to, grows.
If I feed my anxiety, it grows. For instance, if I don't go outside for a few days, a few days turns into a few more days, then a week, then a month.
If I do something that is mildly uncomfortable, like go outside to a grocery store around a lot of people, then the fear I had of going outside lessens a little bit more. I withhold the food for the anxiety... I deny it what it wants, which is to stay inside. I go the opposite way, and go outside. The anxiety shrinks.

It's a process... you have to deny depression food too. Baby steps... some people expect too much from themselves, and when they inevitably fail (because they over-reach and demand too high a personal bar), as the self standards are far too high, then they become crushed. They place so much meaning on this one goal they have set for themselves, that the letdown is HARD. Then they retreat into their shell a little more, a go back to feeding the fear and/or depression.

I know because I've done it.

I'm not sure if that is your problem, but it seems likely because anxiety and depression, if nothing else, are predictable arrangements, even if manifested outwardly differently. The melody is the same, even if the note is a C instead of a D... don't know if that makes sense or not.

What's your therapist say about it?

Oh you are so right. It definitely has gotten worse over the years, and now i'm more and more curled up in my little corner of the world, even more fearful of stepping out.

My therapist hasn't said much about it, because I haven't talked about it really. Tomorrow though I am reading a journal entry that delves into that somewhat It is going to be hard, but we'll see.

Chaotic, that sounds... intense!
I don't know anything about the technique, but my T never tells me such things. Probably my knowing would diminish the efficacy...

I'd rather my T didn't know what I was *really* thinking about....sex... or relationships...my ex--etc.
so difficult

I want to tell details, but stop myself all the time.
Ironically, I didn't talk about sex today... but T mentioned something about how sex and having a significant other isn't the end all, be all of all creation. It was weird..

I think he knows more than he lets on.
Does your T know more than he lets on sometimes? Anyone?

I agree with this statement. I don't have any thing other than anecdotal personal experience...the more time I have to think about being anxious the more anxious I get.

Exactly, I'd rather she didn't know either! That's why my urge to purge was so strange and unexpected. I don't get what doing all the integrated stuff had to do with it...if anything. Maybe my brain got confused and I just lost my filters..which for me might be a good thing, since they are what impedes my communication. ... I don't know...maybe this type of response indicates that the technique was successful in lowering my anxiety, just not about the specific even but about talking about the event.

I don't know...I'm not convinced that I need to reach a point where I confess all sins and freaky thoughts to my therapist to demonstrate trust or for healing to occur. Today, begin able to purge them into my journal feels like it was enough for the moment. I think for me, it is more about feeling comfortable enough to purge if I want to and not worry about it. I think last session, reaching a point where I wanted to talk about the details and felt like I could have. I think I took a step closer to bridging the communication gap.

I do too, but ... maybe this is another behavior pattern that doesn't fit anymore. Maybe in the therapy room the other day I wanted to tell all, because that freaky little kid inside needs to tell all. My parents made talking about sex, strictly forbidden...Look where that approach has gotten me. I think my goal now is... to obtain the ability to tell...so then if I feel like it again, I can just do it and see what happens.

If you mean does my T know more about what thoughts are likely running through my head can causing me problems than she lets on? Yes, sometimes. I think she is just patiently waiting for me to put the pieces together. That scares me a lot...

Soooo frikkin true Chaotic!

I've never been convinced of that either. I don't think that's necessarily representative of trust, even if a person does "tell all". I only tell what's significant insofar as it disturbs me, not every little secret (I'm not even sure the word "secret" is the right word here) in the whole wide world.

It IS pretty amazing to be able to open up like you did though. I've experienced similar moments that were... pure, for lack of a better word on the matter. For me they have been few and far between, but always a good thing.

My parents made talking about love forbidden. They talked TOO much about sex. Really, who wants to know about their parents sex life?
The other way around isn't good either, and it makes sex a forbidden, secret, shameful thing---which we all know it is NOT. Why can't parents just be normal in this regard? What's so shameful about sex? Can't they balance the issue? WHY do they make it an "issue" one way or the other? Parents are the screwed up ones here...

In truth.. therapy scares the hell out of me, and I can barely bring myself to tell my T that "Hey T, therapy scares the hell out of me".

I KNOW my T knows things that I don't say...

I feel my T is like your T... patiently waiting for me to put the pieces together, and waiting for the right moment for me to disclose or for him to probe. I KNOW my T knows more than he lets on in this regard... he sees what I don't see. Sometimes he points out what he sees... and other times he holds back, waiting for a more appropriate way/time to open up the can of worms. I think some things, once you let the cat out of the bag, you have to discuss it in a constructive manner so that it doesn't hurt you when you leave the office. T's don't want to open things up and then leave you hanging there, worse off than you were before you went in. You need to take baby steps to talk about the same issues that affected you in a bad way without them hurting you this time around. Explore issues, without feeling the negativity from it...

Today was sorta unsettling for me in therapy, but good. I think we both had good sessions...
I had to stand up and walk around a little bit a couple of times.

It's funny this thread is here - I am just new to this board, and I was going to start my own thread about this.

I have marriage issues related to my husband's extremely low sex drive and my infidelity when I was really impulsive. (I'm Bipolar & Borderline, double whammy with impulsivity). Back in early summer, she wanted to admit me to a treatment center that treats sexual addiction. Yeah, it's that bad.

So, we talk about sex a LOT at therapy. Nearly every session she asks how things are going at home. Well, in fact...things are NOT going at home. He hasn't touched me since April. I haven't had sex since June.

In some ways, I wish she would just quit asking me about it. I know it's an important part of the marriage, but we have so much more we need to be working on, right?! I can't expect him to want to be with me when he knows I cheated on him. And the more my therapist talks about sex, the more I WANT it. And I don't want to want it. Because then I do stupid things that could ruin my life (infidelity). Ugh, I don't know.

I was actually going to bring this up at our next appointment on Tuesday. but I'm not sure exactly how to say it the right way. She is such an amazing help to me in so many other ways, she literally saved my life, I owe her so much...I just don't want to say the wrong thing or criticize her.

I don't think there are many "wrong" things that you can say to your T.
I'd be straight up and tell your T that you don't want to talk about sex (or xyz subject) at the moment. Just say "I don't really want to go into that right now, can we talk about XYZ?" If your really brave, you can tell her why you don't want to talk about it at that moment.

My T has never felt criticized in any way when I've told him I didn't want to talk about XYZ. Your T won't either if she's professional.

I talk with my T about sex almost every session, she knows of my hormones raging more then most because I'm 18 so it helps. I even talk about masturbation with her, she is so comfortable with it and I am too. Its great, though sometimes intimidating, you can really learn a lot from a T about sex, more then I ever knew.

Especiallywhen you're a virgin who has no intimacy because I have no one

I just read this thread title as Do you talk about [sex with your T]?

EEK!

What is the line between talking to a general T about sex and technically needing a specifically trained sex therapist? I clearly get when I need to see an orthopedist vs. my family physican. But in therapy I don't know where the line is...yeah they can provide basic treatment but...is it really within their area of health care? Every time a new issue has surfaced, I've found myself worrying if my T has this issue as part of her scope of practice...If I came in the first day and said... "I have this issue, do you have the interest and expertise to treatment me or should I go elsewhere?" Would she have accepted the task of treatment me or would she have recommended that I see someone else. When I started therapy I said I wanted help dealing with depression. Since then we've gone all over the place...depression, ADHD, communication problems, SA, attachment issues, marital problems, parenting problems, touch problems, inner child problems, anxiety problems....... I sometimes wonder if my T knew what she was getting into when she accepted me as a patient.

I don't know I could never imagine going where Mookins and Martina have been with their T's.
WHERE IS BRIAN37 on this one!

think about/dream about it/talk about it, but not with T!

Can you ask your T this question? Just ask her if she thinks you also could benefit from seeing a sex therapist. It sounds like that wouldn't mean quitting with your current T, since you are working on many other issues with her, but maybe a few sessions with a specialist would be something your T thinks is appropriate. She knows you and your issues best, so it is worth asking her. Maybe that won't be easy....

I think my T is the same way. She just patiently waits for me to work around my own brain and come to conclusions that she probably has already known.
I wonder about that too.

Hey Dustin,

Your 18. I'm in my twenties and in college now. I guarantee that there will at some point in time (probably sooner than you think) be SOMEONE. Hardly anyone has found a longterm, beneficial relationship with someone when their 18. I'd rather have a good sexual experience, than a bad one with someone I didn't really care about and love. Real intimate relationships are also much more than sex alone.

You could of course become a man*****; you'd get plenty of sex but I'm not sure how great it would be for you.

Are you currently in college/planning to go?