Do you talk about sex with your T?

Yeah, I have talked about this, too in regards to my desires towards him, and my obsession with wanting him to find my sexually appealing.

I don't undertand how to go to therapy and not bring these feelings into the relationship so they can be worked out.

I actually just sent my T an email that was pretty much all about sex and lost time because I recently found out about some "stuff" that I did that I absolutely no recollection of.

I dunno... I'm not attracted to my therapist sexually, so it doesn't really come into play... lol.

If I could ask this question...I would not need therapy anymore. Honestly, I don't think I talk directly about sex with my T because its not a priority for ME. Sex is just one aspect of a bigger problem. I think if I was in a different relationship, I would be more inclined to focus and directly deal with this issue. Who knows maybe it wouldn't even be an issue.

Yes, but you are asking that question very directly here on PC. Why is that? Is it an issue for you or not? And if so--who is the one most qualified to answer your question? It is a great question for your therapist and a very appropriate one. It's hard for people here on PC to know since we don't know you and your situation. Of course, that doesn't keep us from chiming in.

If sex isn't a big priority for you, why are you thinking you might raising the idea of seeing a sex therapist? Is it some sort of societal pressure rather than your own idea/feeling? The sort of pressure I mean is internal "should" talk, something like, "I should be having sex with my H because that's what married couples do. I should be enjoying sex because that is normal and healthy." etc. etc. You fill in the "shoulds" that work for you.

That is how it was in my relationship. Sexual issues were just a symptom of larger things wrong in the relationship, not the cause of relationship problems. If that is how it is for you, it is great that you know that. You can then focus on what is the cause of the "bigger problem" rather than being distracted by trying to "fix" one of the resulting symptoms.

I know the best person to ask is my T. It is my discomfort to starting and having a frank discussion that has put this issue on hold for the time being. Yes...I am struggling with A LOT of I should's and I don't's...not so much I can't's

I know that my current situation is compounded by other issues that are NOT mine. But...I guess I want to deal with all of my issues. I know if this is what I really want.. I am going to have to enter into a frank discussion of sex and how my past may be influencing that present. This is one think I just can't seem to do...I've tried...and so far I just can't seem to initiate the discussion.

Well, since my husband said he no longer found me sexually attractive since I've gained weight on my bipolar meds (50 lbs. in 2 1/2 yrs.) sex has disappeared--umm--no surprise there.

So I also did an overdose after he told me that so I do talk about it in regards to that. We did have a very good sex life before & I'm sad that it has been destroyed. I'm in the process of getting off the med (& am slowly losing weight) but have to sometimes bump it back up when I go manic so it is slow going. I have lots of side effects on the other anti psychotics. But, truthfully, that part of me has been killed off. I was hurt too much & will never feel close enough to him or I doubt anyone to have sex again. It's weird to think that the last time you have sex you don't know it's the last time you'll ever have sex.

Also doing EMDR & having a few images popping into my head of my mother examining my genitals "for veneral disease" starting when I was in the 6th grade. Then she would pour rubbing alcohol on me which would hurt like hell. I didn't know what VD was or that this was unusual behavior for a mother. She did have bipolar & was obsessed with sex & was having affairs all over the place & transferred that to me, I guess. Then she started calling me a *****. Again, I didn't know what that meant.

Anyway, it's too bad that what is meant to be a beautiful thing between 2 people who love each other can turn into something so fraught with problems.--Suzy

((Suzy)) Hope you can make your wt goals about you and how it might benefit you. I was able to tackle a wt problem but only when I was able to focus on doing it for the right reasons. I'm a lot thinner, a lot more comfortable with myself, but it hasn't improved my sex life. If anything I get the.."your boobs are like deflated balloons comments."

Intimacy is a major issue for me and i definitely talk about it with my t. sex, sexual fantasies, fears, experienced, etc...and it feels really good to do so, to have someone to talk about it with. and so just think, there are people like me saying crazy silly things about the subject so no need for you to feel like you would be doing anything wacky by talking about it. and, i really really think they've heard it all.

btw, one funny experience, i was telling my t about a sexual experience i had, thiings i was thinking in my head while it was happening, and i paused and said i'm 'sorry you have to hear all this stuff', and he said, 'are you kidding, its 10a.m. this is waking me up, keep going'

LOL - I love it!

Cute, very cute.

I am remembering now that I saw this therapist type of person kind of accidentally when I was 18 and in college. He was a priest. At one point, I was experiencing a lot of negative emotions towards him. (I realize now that I was angry at him, but I was too young and inexperienced to be able to recognize anger). So to "retaliate", I used to talk about sex a lot with him. I would tell him the stuff that I and my older boyfriend did--when, where, etc. He would sit there, just taking it. Like an impassive punching bag. I think I thought this would be a strike at him because he was a priest and celibate, and it might excite him to hear an 18 year old female's sexual exploits. That was so mean of me. But I was effing mad at him and didn't even know it.

hahaha, brilliant.

this post cheered me up so much.

EXCELLENT!, I am adding a little note to my phone calendar to show 5 minutes before my next T session: "trvf was here."

It will remind me to chill out... they hear it all.

Really, I KNOW THIS... my comment about a sex therapist...was just an excuse. I know my T has the training and background necessary to provide helpful insight. I just for whatever reason... don't go there. Maybe deep down, I don't want to address this issue or maybe its not really an issue but an excuse.

The funny this for me is... others have talked to me about their sex life and some bizarre stuff. I've listened and provided insight, and no matter what they've said is hasn't changed my opinion of them or our friendship. As long as it is not related to me, I really don't care. I don't get why I think they will treat me any different. Heck my son and I even had a very detailed discussion last spring about stuff I would NEVER have discussed with my parents (anyone for that matter). I guess it is just different when discussing things as they relate to me that I have trouble.

T and I talked about sex a lot today. Sorry if this is a bit graphic, but it was just so hilarious. We talked about it, but there was a lot of bantering involved because most of me was comfortable, but a small part still wants to hide somewhere.

Anyway, I was telling him about multiple past sexual experiences with a guy, which has been completely wiped out of my memory-- I recently found out about it because the guy and I are still friends, 10 years later-- and he had made a reference which I didn't understand-- so it ended up leading to the conversation about sexual interacts that we had that I have completely blocked out. In one of the experiences, the guy and I were unclothed. I tell T that we did not have sex. He says, "But you were naked." I say, "Yeah, I know-- but the guy told me that we never had sex." T goes, "Ok. So you were both naked. What did you do... dance?" I said, "First of all, I think you are quite aware that there are other sexual things than can be done aside from sexual intercourse. Second of all, I'm getting the hell out of here."

It was hysterical, slightly mortifying, and liberating... all at the same time.

I did. A few times.
The first one was really uncomfortable. I had to forced myself to talk about it because it was related to my SI issue, which was the reason i came to my T in the first place. (and no i am not sadomazochistic)

I just panished myself after the sexual activity. I felt really bad because of it.

Then, she mention it sometimes. After a few years - ( i still talk to her from time to time, but rarely) she would ask if i did it with my bf if i had one and reminede me of Birth control, etc.