Are you attached? Have you told T?

i find it so difficult. i am attached to my pdoc. i have so many positive thoughts about him and our relationship. i feel very secure in it. and then something will happen that will make me question the relationship - whether he really does care at all, or less than i thought he did. that makes me feel stupid for attaching to him so strongly. so i'm currently in the process of trying to find another pdoc. i want one this time who i don't care 2c for.

I found out I was attached very early and I told her she just smiles and said she feels the same way too. That is scary attached to me eeek...

good post use to wonder about that.

I was afraid to think I was attached to T until I saw him yesterday. I questioned him on something he had said in a previous session, and he said he was glad that I had told him about it and we worked it out. He told me he thought about me between sessions and that just made me feel so secure and feel really safe around him now. So yup....there's no question now I'm definetly attached to him now.

cai

I know I'm attached too. We've had our current T for almost 10 years. I don't know what I'd do without him. We're a lot better than we used to, but even though we've got a sweetie - 15 years - it's not the same as being with our T. He lets us talk about anything and he's always interested in how we're doing. I didn't have a good attachment with family figures growing up, so it's like we've been allowed to have finally the nurturing relationship we'd always ached for before. I can't say enough good things about him. I feel like I can tell him everything and usually do. I feel proud of the attachment because we've worked so hard to trust it is like the fruit of our labor. Great questions, thanks!

Ann

We wanted to add something else - the part of how our other loved ones handle us having our T ... actually after reading other posts I realise I can actually call him a PDoc. I like that title more because that's what he is. But, my three boys aged 25-29 have know me as having PDocs ever since they can remember. They seem to trust things better because they know someone else is helping with problems and it doesn't have to be their role. One of the boys has met the PDoc, I was proud of them relating. I think this son relayed to the others that things were ok, but they knew ahead of time in that we always give our PDoc respect. We try not to over-talk about him though, because I don't want the boys thinking of us as this insecure.

Our Sweetie has known forever that I see a PDoc. The first time we had talked about it after knowing each other a year and then becoming intimitate he wanted us to not talk to the PDoc about our relationship. We were quick to tell him that it would be a deal-breaker. It's either he has to deal or that would be it. I think now after so many years past he's really grateful that he doesn't have to deal with the really tough issues I have because my PDoc will help us through it and then too we try not to compare the two so much our Sweetie feels insecure. He knows that the PDoc is a better listener and more patient, but then we also tell him and mean it ... that my Sweetie is the only one I want huggle up to in bed. I think everyone can appreciate the differences in our roles. My T knows he can send me home to someone we both trust. I love the dickens out of both of them. Feel like a pretty lucky girl.

and alls

When I started working with this t 14 months ago, I didn't think I would get attached. T reminds me a bit of an old bull dog *grin* she's 64, large build, shock white hair, and looks like she's frowning all the time, jowls hanging.... or surprised for a moment, and goes back to frowning. LOL. But after about 5 months I did find myself attached and panicked. I told her. She gave me her shocked look, then back to frowning and said "yeah? how else do you expect to do therapy?" hah. After that I moved into new relationship building where I am not attached in that fatal way where I can't live without t or a call or email. I like to get them... but they don't send an arrow through my heart if I don't. I think i am also able to do better therapy with her because I have moved through that stage. It is more real and honest. I just got an email from t tonight (talking about relationships) and she said; "I want you to be able to talk about things, and for us to learn how to get through, without reacting and without getting into the pattern you have with your mother where you do not tell her things because you do not want her reaction. That leads to strange, not very real or very close relationships. " I know I am learning a ton from her on how to be in relationships, how to speak when i need to, how to be real and speak honestly... it is good stuff.

I have only seen my new T a few times, so I am not attached to her. I did have very powerful attachment 'issues' with a previous T.
This thread has made me think a bit. I do think I have disordered attachments, and they will likely rear their head with this T, if all progresses well. When she comes back from her unending holiday I think I will discuss the whole issue of attachments with her. (The fact that I am really starting to MISS her and wish she would HURRY BACK is a clue that an attachment is beginning to develop!)

Although I had very strong attachment issues playing out in my therapy with a previous T, it wasn't discussed between us. In retrospect I think we should have talked about - it certainly would have helped me come to some new understandings about my own behaviors, and perhaps have helped me to modify them. Attachment disorders can be a hugely disrupting force within the therapeutic process when not addressed. This time round I want to address them properly and really explore their origin and affects.

I remembered yesterday that I told T once that I felt like there was a rope stretched across the room, connecting my heart and his heart together.

How's THAT for talking about attachment issues?? lol

I don't want to be and I really hope I'm not, but it seems like I am.

If I wasn't I don't think I'd have phoned the receptionist to check she was ok when she came back to work. Or tell her what I know to try and keep her safe from things, or be worried that she hates me (I'm pretty sure she doesn't now)

Sometimes I wish I didn't really care - but I do

i am but i aint telling her...

been down that road before and I ended up in a ditch (so to speak)

So grateful for this thread! I'm definitely attached but only recently discovered that. I got a lot more personal my last session after a long break that felt like years instead of months. My next session is only a week after the last and before this I've gone two weeks between sessions. I'm terrified because I don't want to be a total leech and yet I feel like I have to work through the attachment portion of things in order to continue with therapy. I don't know how to proceed forward, especially after the stuff I just told her that I don't necessarily need to cover in therapy. I mostly just wanted her to know me better. But now I kind of want to keep her at arm's length to feel safe again. Yikes!

i have been thinking about this a lot, lately.

i am really, really, really attached to my pdoc. sometimes it overwhelms me (i dont want anyone to have that power over me). i want to talk to pdoc about it, but i'm also aware that he probably hasn't had as much training as a normal T would have had, and i don't want to make things awkward. i think he is aware that i depend on him heavily, that i turn to him for support before everyone else etc. but it's an awareness that doesn't get commented upon when i see him.

any ideas on what to do? if i was still going to my old T, i would have brought it up with him.

funny... I feel like the rope is stretched across the room the other way, separating the two of us. T is considerate and caring and wise, but I am still alone. I look at her and see her so balanced and contained, and I know what confusion lies within me.

And yet, were she to move away or retire or decide to refer me or something, I can't see ever getting into all this with anyone else.