[velcro003]

Do you believe that it is abnormal for someone to not really remember much about their childhood? I have a few VERY scattered memories from when I was 4-11, and then from 12 on it is more reliable. I probably have a handful of memories from my younger years. I attribute this to me just having a crappy memory, but my therapist seems to think there is more to it than that. I told her today that I just think my memory sucks, and life was fine...and she goes "I think the memories are there, just buried deep and not accessible to you" But I don't know if I believe that, because why would they be so deep, when I generally think I had a decent childhood?

[hangingon]

Velcro,

I have very few memories as well, even ones where abuse was involved. I can remember some things about to happen and then the memory cuts off. I have very scattered memories as well.

I think some of them are buried deep as well. In talking about the abuse, I recently had one return, it was scary but I remembered it like it was yesterday. Sometimes I don't want to talk about the abuse because I'm afraid of other memories resurfacing.

[lifelesstraveled]

Hi Velcro,

Im in the same situation. I have VERY scattered memories until about 8 or 9. 3 or 4 that i can kind of remember before that. My memories after that are still scattered but not so much so. I just attribute it to a bad memory too or maybe I was just in lala land during those years...who knows. I asked my T if it was abnormal for me not to remember much and she didnt really directly answer the question. She just said everyone is different and left it at that. I am not really too concerned about it at this point since T doesnt seem to be concerned.

So, with that said, I dont really have answer for you as I am in the same boat. Just know you arent alone.

[velcro003]

Well thats good to know, because everyone I know who I've talked to this about all remember their childhood....and none are in therapy..hmmm...

It just is an interesting contention we are in, T and I. I just have no reason to believe I'm stuffing down all these bad memories.

[deliquesce]

i remember most of my childhood, from about age 2.5. i know it was from this age, because we moved houses a week before my 3rd birthday, and i have pretty vivid memories of my first house.

having said that - i am in therapy!! so there's definitely no connection there.

be careful that your T is not leading you to dredge up "bad" memories that might or might not be there. it is common for people to not remember a lot of their childhood. it does not mean that there was necessarily something "bad" that happened which they are stuffing down.

i would go with your gut on this one. don't let your T lead you - it could lead to a lot of heartache .

[madisgram]

[there is term called "repressed memory". it's caused by the mind being on overload with the information. like too hard to process. in children this often happens when there are things that happened that were too much to bear emotionally. so they become repressed or for better words, lost memory. it's in there, just not on the surface where one consciously remembers it cause the mind is protecting you.
that's my spin on it. i could be incorrect but i'm feeling like your T has some insight on this. why not let her guide you thru this process of discovery if she feels it will help you. if nothing's in "there" then you can move on to the next "topic".

[searchingmysoul]

(((((((((velcro003))))))))

My experience is somewhat like hanginon's and the biggest gap in my memory is between 3 and 8. As I have begun to discuss some events I have had more memories come to the surface...Which has been scary, mostly because I don't know what else is in the darkness and I am scared to know.

I do think that there are varitaions in peoples memory and that it is possible to not have a good memory. So really, anything could be possible in this situation.

Hugs again! And hugs to everyone who is struggling with this because it is (at least to me) scary.

~Searching

[sittingatwatersedge]

hope this is not off topic.

I told my older sister my earliest memory, I was about 3 or 4. When she explained what was actually going on at that moment, of which I was remembering only one harmless detail, I was shocked speechless - a very traumatic event. She tells me there was a lot of other bad stuff back then, and I guess so, because it seems that I grew up with a rock solid self concept as a very bad, despicable person, and all the "positive affirmations" in the world don't make much of a dent in it.

I am wondering if I should look into hypnosis to try to bring up more of that far off past... if I cannot remember it, how can I ever get rid of its effects? Or should I leave it alone?

[deliquesce]

the APA has strict guidelines telling therapists *not* to dig for memories, or use hypnosis to try and uncover them.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

be careful that your T is not leading you to dredge up "bad" memories that might or might not be there. it is common for people to not remember a lot of their childhood. it does not mean that there was necessarily something "bad" that happened which they are stuffing down.

i would go with your gut on this one. don't let your T lead you - it could lead to a lot of heartache .

I don't think she's leading me. She's asked me a few times at the beginning of therapy if anything "bad" happened to me as a kid (sexually), but I kept saying no. And all she said this previous session was that there are memories, just not at a conscious level. Maybe so, but why would they be in the unconscious unless they weren't good? She didn't argue with me when I told her I didn't believe that, but I know she disagrees.

Originally Posted by madisgram

[there is term called "repressed memory". it's caused by the mind being on overload with the information. like too hard to process. in children this often happens when there are things that happened that were too much to bear emotionally. so they become repressed or for better words, lost memory. it's in there, just not on the surface where one consciously remembers it cause the mind is protecting you.
that's my spin on it. i could be incorrect but i'm feeling like your T has some insight on this. why not let her guide you thru this process of discovery if she feels it will help you. if nothing's in "there" then you can move on to the next "topic".

She may, but I just don't think anything so bad has happened to me to cause me to not remember my childhood.

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by velcro003

And all she said this previous session was that there are memories, just not at a conscious level. Maybe so, but why would they be in the unconscious unless they weren't good?

we don't remember everything that happens to us. heck, i would be pushed to give you a detailed account of my past week, and certainly nothing bad has happened in it .

the research on memory tells us that all sorts of memories deteriorate (both good ones and bad ones). also, memories are nortoriously unreliable - every act of remembering is an act of creation - you pay attention to different elements of the event each time, and in that way, you kind of "reconstruct" your memory. recollection doesn't happen in a 100% veridical manner.

i guess i'm trying to reassure you that you are not "abnormal" for not recollecting large portions of your childhood, and nor does it mean that something "bad" happened that made you repress these memories. people who have full recollection of their childhoods still end up in therapy, and recollection and processing of every "bad" thing that happened is not necessary for you to achieve a satisfying life.