T honored me with two sessions for the price of one today.

I got past the "I don't need you or anyone else" attitude with p-doc yesterday, lol, so T didn't have to feel the wrath of it today.

I told T the traumatic part of my mother's death. The real ugly stuff that I haven't wanted to look at. Death is not always serene and peaceful.

I cried for almost two solid hours. T joined in every now and then. That made me a bit uncomfortable but she validated the sadness surrounding the whole ordeal.

I'm exhausted but "lighter."

Thanks for listening.

((((((((((((((((((((OrangeBlossom)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Whew. I'm so glad you went, and had such a healing session.

Exhausted but lighter is a good way to feel.

Thanks for responding to me, eathmama. It means a lot that you care.

[chaotic13]

I'm glad you were able to share your pain with someone who was willing and strong enough to hear it.

[MissCharlotte]

((Orange))

I'm so glad you went and know that you are not alone. Hand the tissues, okay?

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((( orange_blossom )))))))))))))))))

I am glad that you were able to share that with T and are feeling lighter now.

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((Fairy flower)))))))))))))))

Glad it was a good session, even if it was sad...

Also: Yay for two sessions for cheaper!

Originally Posted by chaotic13

I'm glad you were able to share your pain with someone who was willing and strong enough to hear it.

Thanks chaotic. You're so right.

It's hard to find people who are really willing to listen and I end up feeling like that character "pigpen" from Charlie Brown, except my dust cloud is sadness. And, because of my grief, no one wants to hear it or hang out with me because they might catch "it."

It triggers the old childhood "tapes" of being told by my grandmother to be strong and not to cry in front of my mother (when my father died) because she needed me to be a big girl now.

Problem was, no one showed me how and at ten years old I didn't know what else to do so I stuffed it. When my brothers died, I tried real hard to stuff those deaths too but there wasn't enough room in storage.

T has helped me "unstuff" enough of it now, that I have room to grieve properly for my mom.

If anyone read this far, thanks for listening.

((( MissCharlotte )))

((( Gimmeice )))

((( Gus )))

Thanks for the hugs and your support.

[Perna]

Yes, T crying with one would make me a bit uncomfortable too. My T confessed, after reading a letter my aunt wrote describing what happened when my mother was in the hospital when I was 2 and how I behaved, etc., that she felt like crying (but she didn't actually cry) and that made me uncomfortable, but like you say, does kind of validate one. Glad things went so well for you and you got good value for your "free" extra session :-)

[chaotic13]

Orange blossom,
Unstuffing sounds readlly painful but very healing. I hope you can unstuff more until it is all out. (((Many hugs))))

[phoenix7]

Hi Orange Blossom,

Sounds like an exhausting but good session, Im glad you have someone there who can help you through this -

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((((flower)))))))))))))))))))))

Unstuffing is hard. Especially when we're told to not cry, not speak up, and that we need to "grow up"... amongst other things.

Crying isn't exactly on my top 100 list, but sometimes it's a necessary thing, because it helps us be more emotionally levelled out.

Always here if you want to chat,

Love

-Gus. (Still loving the nickname!)

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( Orange )))))))))))))))))

[Liberada]

.......

[peaches100]

OrangeBlossom,

I'm so glad you felt comfortable enough to unload your pain and sorrow with your t. While I'm sure it felt uncomfortable to see her cry, didn't it also show you that she really cares?

Thanks buddies. I appreciate all the support.

While I'm sure it felt uncomfortable to see her cry, didn't it also show you that she really cares?

Yup. But it also made me feel bad for making her feel bad.

That also stems from childhood. Talking about my father after he died was met with such uncomfortable sadness (no one knew how to console me) that I learned quickly not to talk about him because I had become "responsible" for making others sad. That's kinda how I felt when T showed her emotions.

The good thing is I recognize it. It might take me awhile but I eventually "get it."

I know, I know. Not my "job" to worry about T.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Orange_Blossom

I know, I know. Not my "job" to worry about T.

well, it only shows that you are a caring sort of person.
no worries.

Thanks sittingatwatersedge!