Sometimes I hide behind myself

Sometimes I have this feeling that I am hiding inside myself.

I do it when there is a feeling of being overwhelmed on some level. For example, as I work through this depression, T has been so so so supportive. At the same time he has been pushing me a bit (grrrrrr). The "push" comes in the form of self-care suggestions that a parent would make to a child such as talking about nutrition and exercise, medication, and the like.

I have always had a personal policy of not lying or wasting my time in therapy. It's like taking days off--I just don't do it. But the other day in-session, I had the distinct feeling that I was "yessing him to death." I figured if I just sit and nod he will get off my back eventually. I know that was the child me and I was moving quickly back and forth between adult and child self states. Then he said, "I just don't want to see you neglect yourself." That brought back the adult me and made me feel like I was healing in real time. As a kid, nobody ever cared if I was neglected.

It has been really hard for a while now and I just know I can't quit because there is someone who cares. Sigh.

It's good that you are aware of the adult/child states, one day the adult and child will be hand in hand.

It's hard but I'm glad you have T to care, we care for you also.

Hugs (((((((((((( MissCharlotte )))))))))))))

good for you, miss charlotte!! that self awareness while sitting in there nodding, yes, yes, yes, ended up making that a fruitful session!
it's a good feeling to know our T's really care about us, too.

(((MissCharlotte))))))))))))))))))))))) My friend , I do not usally post here.
Hope its ok
Your post reminded me so much of me.
you said ((Sometimes I have this feeling that I am hiding inside myself.)))
(((I do it when there is a feeling of being overwhelmed))))
(( As a kid, nobody ever cared if I was neglected)))
(((yessing ppl)))))

You are such a good person, kind and caring. I wanted you to know
I have done those same things myself from time to time.

I can stand up for others as I know you can You do for children.
For myself it can be hard.
Be good to you dear one.
You are worth a good life and you matter very much.
No more hiding friend
muffy

((MissC)))) you can hide behind me if you need to

Miss C your "yessing him to death." comment caught my attention. During my last session, I had forgot to take my Adderall so...I think I was a bit impulsive. When I sat down and reflected on the session the next day, I realized that there were a few times during the session when the kid in me slipped into the ...yea,yea, yea, y-e-s got that, whatever... pattern where I wasn't really LISTENING to what was being said. The things my T was saying, I had either realized on my own or...she was deliberately repeating for a reason. The next day I connected the dots, which is good. I wonder how aware my T was of this.

What snapped me out of this mode was when she started reading off some of the labels I had written acrossed and image I drew a few weeks before. I didn't like hearing these and became a little more attentive to what I was yessing.

Thanks to all!

((Nowhere))-there have been times (when I was fighting with T) when I would have LOVED to have a BIG LION to hide behind.

((Muffy)) We are two peas in a pod often aren't we? Thanks for your kind words.

((Madisgram)) Yeah--it WAS fruitful, and I find it interesting how this can happen after it felt like it was boring.

((Peg)) LOVE that new avatar. I look forward to walking hand in hand with myself. I guess I still separate but hopefully that will happen less and less.

((Chaotic)) Isn't it interesting when you catch yourself in the moment? I don't think I had done this before. Of course, I have noticed afterward many, many times but this time was different, because I was able to bring back the adult and feel the goodness that was ongoing and it was really healing. I felt taken care of.

at your front and center .. uh, course everybody knows im full of stuffing lol (((MissC)))

((miss charlotte)))))))))))))))) you said ((((((Muffy)) We are two peas in a pod often aren't we? Thanks for your kind words.)))))))))))))
Just remember we are always 22 no matter what
You are such a good person,
and a good friend too
muffy