Pleasing T

Here's an update on pleasing T. I asked T why telling him my dream was pleasing him, this is what he said. Instead of just telling the dream, I said "Do you want to hear about my dream". Apparently, phrased like that, it is as if I'm offering T a gift, I'm doing it for him instead of for me.

Well, someone give a muzzle because now I'm really self conscious about what I say in there.

IMHO yr T should give you a little break here - it's just an expression after all -
I told T two of my dreams and she never gave me a word of comment on either of them, so I've never ventured to share any others with her. If I ever do, you bet I am going to say, "do you want to hear about my dream"

Are you going to mention this to him and talk about it?

((((((((((STAW)))))))) lol

Yes I am, cause I really do feel like I have to watch my words and that's not good when the only way to make progress is to talk, talk, talk.

I am DEFINATELY a people pleaser inside and outside of T. T made a subtle comment about how I seem to be doing the "homework" for her to some degree. I mentioned some to the effect that I would feel bad if I came in and hadn't to some extent tried to do the "homework". Outside of therapy it almost consumes my life. I don't want people to be angry with me (or T for that matter) so I do things for everyone, even if it means that I am miserable in the process

Coconut,
I really hope you get the nerve to tell your T that you really feel like you have to watch your words. Its hard enough when we feel like we have to on our own, but I imagine it's worse when you feel like your T thinks that way of you as well. I bet he didn't mean it to sound like that but talking about it with him would be really good for you.

Thanks for the support hanging. I plan to on Thursday. Please keep your fingers crossed for me! I'm nervous. This pleasing T business has stirred up so much. I haven't seen T for a week due to a trip, I welcomed the break but this has been on my mind almost everyday. T definitedly touched on something important.

I was a people pleaser for most of my life. But after my descent into clinical depression ended with a gut-wrenching betrayal of a friend I was dearly attached to (and the rejection and avoidance of my long-known acquaintances, who could not understand why I had changed), I find that, aside from family and God, I don't give a hoot what anybody thinks of me anymore. I still try to be cordial and friendly with people (but always in a guarded and superficial way). But, no, I don't try to please or impress others, or try to get them to like me, because I don't want any close friends anymore. I have put way too much of myself into relationships in my life -- I've always been the one who loved and gave more -- and I've usually been burned. I don't want people to like me too much because I do not want friends.

Do I try to please my therapist? I'm not sure. I know there is a part of me that is very attached to her, and wants to be emotionally close and special to her. But what I actually do most of the time is give off vibes of being emotionally armored, skeptical of her expressions of caring, and quick to find reasons for conflict or to back off emotionally from her. I guess that she is taking the brunt for the bad experiences I've had with others in the past. I know I shouldn't, but I can't seem to help it. I hate admitting I need her, and even when I am sitting in the waiting room for her to come get me for a session, I refuse to even look down the hall, because I don't want her to think I'm that anxious to see her. On the other hand, I suffer separation pain when she travels, and when I get into that child-type mode, I tell her in emails how much I need her and how important she is to me. I am a mass of contradictions.

PS - I hope I didn't hurt or offend anybody here by saying I don't want friends. I SO MUCH appreciate this board as a way to express my "real self," and I appreciate your responses and have concern for your struggles. In an anonymous cyber way, you are acquaintances, and perhaps could even be considered a type of "friend." But when I say I do not want friends, I am talking about any persons in my 3-D day to day life with whom there would be a possibility for me to know, care about, and attach to them -- which would leave me open to betrayal and abandonment. I choose the discomfort of detachment and solitude to the pain of attachment and heartbreak.

well "next time" has come & this time a very dark & disturbing dream. I said, do you want to hear about my dream, and she said yes, so I told her; but as I went through it I was alarmed to see her expression change more and more to one of great concern, and she stared more and more intently at the floor.

when I ended she didn't speak for a while and when she did it was in a changed tone, preoccupied and quiet.
Said that it was obviously about therapy and that the person I identified in it was definitely her (I had hoped not ) and how important it was that I tell her, and how important it is not to push myself.

I felt powerless, as if someone else had let out a secret of mine, but now, beyond my control, it was out . I really wished I had not told her.

next appt is a whole month away. Have a chance to cut that in half and don't know what I will do.