[silenthill]

i see a new T tomorrow just one appt,i had appt last week with her but just the thought of going made me sick so i didn't go,then this new T calls and talks a long time to me, she said right now you have all the power and your T gave her power up when she took the $,any way i'm going tomorrow a one time thing,i hope i don't get sick again, i really care about my T

[ECHOES]

I can imagine how hard seeing a new T must be for you! How nice that she called you to reassure you and help you feel comfortable

This is a very big step for you and I think that shows in how you feel physically sick from the anxiety about it. I am just reading this or I would have suggested maybe you could take something to calm your stomach so you could give yourself the gift of meeting this new T who sounds very understanding.

Maybe if this feeling sick keeps happening, you and T could talk about that and she could help you with that first.

How did it go, silenthill?

[silenthill]

well, i went set there for a 1/2 hr in waiting room then i left, i'm soooo done with Ts, i just want to cry now, notting matters

[ECHOES]

Can you say what your tears today are about? Is part of it maybe the disappointment that you left? Sometimes what feels right at one moment is something we regret in another moment.
Call and see if you can try again. They understand when we are very nervous.
Let's call this a practice run and see what happens the next time

[del12]

Wow how disappointing that after you finally get there your T makes you wait. I think I would have left even after 15 min. I think that making someone wait especially the first session is extremely rude and I would have felt just as you do. Personally I would write how I felt and send it to the T that made you wait. You have every right to feel disappointed and it was wrong for them to make you wait. Please don't give up on therapy. There is the right T for you out there. Do you know anyone who has a T that they can recommend? I was so lucky that after a very bad experience with my very first T I stumbled across an old friend I hadn't seen in years and that person had started his own practice. He was able to recommend a few T's and I found one that so far fits. Good luck to you and please don't give up!

[silenthill]

thank you so much, ECHOES AND del12
im really bad with spelling so i don't write much
the T did call and left a message, she said she has this client that always needs to be in a better place befor she leaves,and that she would do the same for me if i needed that time, now i feel dumb on top of feeling guilty,my life is so messed up,and i'm soo tied of trying

((((((((((((((((((silenthill)))))))))))))))))))

I'm glad the T called you.....

Did you make another appointment to try again??

My only concern is that while it IS really important to be in a good place before you leave, 30 extra minutes is a long time. I think after your experience with your last T, you need a T who is confident with loving but firm boundaries. I know this is already really hard, but I wonder if this is something you could ask her about....if this "extra time" is common, or if it was something out of the ordinary??

Hang in there. This is hard, but there ARE good T's, and you will find one.

And don't worry about your spelling!! We'll figure out what you're trying to say

[ECHOES]

I agree! Spelling isn't important---it's what you have to say that is important!

You feel dumb? But you had no way of knowing what was going on with T so be kind to you I'm glad she called too and while it is nice to get some extra time if needed, if T knows this about a particular client, maybe she should be keeping her eye on the time and her client's state so they can do what they need to do to stay in the allotted time. I agree with earthmama's suggestion to talk about this and ask how likely it is to have happen. Maybe you could ask to not be scheduled after this particular client, if running past the allotted time happens often with this person.

Yes, trying is hard, and especially hard when we aren't feeling great
But it's the only way forward so I hope you'll keep posting and keep trying

[del12]

You shouldn't feel dumb you didn't screw up your T did. If she knew her client need to be grounded before she/he? left then maybe she should have popped out and connected with you briefly or scheduled you so that this wouldn't have happened. It is sio easy to blame yourself for others mistakes. I hope you at least try to see the T and you have every right to tell he how waiting 30min effected you. The T needs to know. Please try not to beat yourself up over someone elses mistake. It is hard I know I am there and am working on that. It is really hard for me to voice my needs but I am learning. We are here for you! And please don't worry about spelling it is not what is important You are!