I just don't. I especially don't feel like driving there. Since T isn't currently available in the city office at the time when I used to go, I have to go to the other office, which is 230948329047234892394792347234230948209823029348 miles away. Ok, it only takes about 45 min. to an hour to get there, but I just don't feel like doing it every damn week. With my schedule, I am CONSTANTLY driving all over the place. He had said that he won't have the time available in the city office for 8 weeks. I don't know how many weeks ago that was though. I guess I'll ask him today about when he will be able to see me at the city office again.

And aside from driving there, there is another part of me that just doesn't feel like going today.... just because I don't. That's how I have been feeling lately. I just don't want to go. Ugh. AUGAGSLDKfsf8a-sdr234KLJQlsdf0

[MissCharlotte]

Me neither.

((((((((((((((((((((pink)))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((miss c)))))))))))))))))))))))))

It just sucks to interrupt our lives sometimes to go to T and delve into all of the crap that we deal with there.

Can you go and just have a "connection" session? Sometimes when I don't want to go, I tell myself I'll just go to keep up the connection with T - because I suspect if I miss once, it will be easier to not go the next time, and even easier the next time and then all of a sudden I will have removed myself from something that is actually really good for me. So, I go. Sometimes it is just a session to connect - we just talk about whatever and experience being in the room together. Sometimes, I'm avoiding going because there is something I don't want to talk about (subconsciously) and I go and end up talking about it, and it helps. Sometimes I go, and yeah, it just ends up kind of feeling like a waste of time...but I still think, for me, making the effort is important.

to both of you!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

Me neither.

me neither.

[coconut64]

I don't want to go either

[darkrunner]

oooooh - all these people not wanting to go to T!!!

My T is on vacation this week - again!!
(she was just away 2 weeks ago.)

And so much has been going on, and I REALLY WISH I could talk to her.

But I admit I can relate to the feeling of not wanting to go.
Is it just bad timing? --
sometimes when we have an appointment we don't want to go,
and when we can't have an appt we yearn for one.

Seems like therapy is hard, and no therapy is hard too.......

hugs to all.......

[lifelesstraveled]

T always knows I don't want to be there... last night she said "do you not want to be here for the normal reason?" My reason is usually "I just dont feel like being here"...funny thing is at the end I usually feel a little better...i dont know if it's cuz the session is over or b/c it was nice having a place where its okay to be me (even though i have a hard time accepting it's okay)

pinkyou might feel better afterwards...

[Christina86]

Travelling to T epically sucks!!!

It takes me just under an hour to bus to T. This is AFTER she's taken up (temporary) residence in a church that had an available room to see me! Before that... it took 1.5 hours on the bus. Hardly seems worth it.

(((((((((((everyone not wanting to go to T))))))))))))))))))))

Myself? I really *want* to go because I've figured some stuff out myself. But that's just me and I haven't seen her in 3? weeks now.

Well? Did everyone go? How was it??

[Behindthecouch]

Hey, I have to admit I skipped this week for.. so many reasons.. but I also have to say that although at the time it seemed like a great idea and I felt relief for about 2 days that I wouldn't have to go there and deal with it all.. I am now reflecting on how long it is til the next session.

Note to self.. think through how it will feel in the longer term..

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by earthmama

Well? Did everyone go? How was it??

sch for next Tues, and no, not wanting to go AT ALL. It;s not her, it's me and I very well know it.

[ECHOES]

My Thursday session is at 7 and I get off work at 4. The place I've been staying at, house sitting, is too far to go home in between. (I'm moving next week-yay!). So on Thursdays I often feel like I'd rather just go home. So much time to kill...

When I move I will be closer to work so I'll be able to go home in between. I chose the 7pm because it sounded cozy, an evening appointment.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I can relate to how you feel about the time and distance. I hope you can get back to seeing T in the city soon, pink.

[sunrise]

Did you go, pink? I hope it was a good session. I hope you can start seeing T soon back in the city.

Connection!!!

It was the first time in awhile that I was able to cry while expressing emotions and thoughts about my father.

I shared memories about my father with T-- memories that made both of us smile and laugh.

T wants me to start recording memories. I had started this awhile ago, but when the hard drive was replaced on my computer, it was wiped out. I don't mind starting it over though. T kept asking, "When are you going to start? When? When am I going to read them?" He wants me to work on it each week and he wants to read, each week, what I have written in an effort to get a sense of who I am in relation to who my father was.

In the midst of the session I looked up at him and said, "This is therapy."

At one point while I was crying and expressing, T asked me for a tissue (the tissue box is on the table next to my chair). I gave it to him and he wiped his eye. I said, "Please tell me you're having an allergy attack." He said, "No, I had to wipe my eye. This experience is painful for both of us to go through."

T was so real with me, which is exactly what I need. He said, "It isn't going to get better. It will change, but it never actually gets better. You have lost the the person who was the most special to you in the entire world." Then he said, "That was my experience." First of all, I loved that he added that. He rarely touches on his own experience-- and I didn't want details. It was just enough that he said that. Second, he said exactly what I needed to hear. I am sick of people telling me that my father is looking down on me, that he's proud of me (I'm sorry-- he's dead. I don't believe in that type of stuff), that it will get less painful in time, to remember the good times, that I was so lucky to have him, etc. I need someone to be real with me. It is the raw emotion that I am dealing with. In my experience, losing the person most dear to me doesn't cause me to sit here thinking, "Oh I was so lucky to have him." Of course I was-- but when I am caught in the intense pain of loss, I am not going to be thinking that. The pain is very raw, and I needed someone to be there with me. And T was.

Wow, pink, I'm glad you went. T knows you so well, and was able to give you just what you needed - and go there with you.

Connection is the best.

[Kiya]

Pink - your t is so awesome. glad you went and he was there for you.

[MissCharlotte]

It is such a relief when we feel dead inside and the connection with T brings out the aliveness in us. I am happy you connected with your T. You two have an awesome relationship and the fact that he asked you for a tissue is testament to your being so real. Not only were you able to feel in his presence, you made him feel your pain too. Way to go Pinksoil!