[my3sns]

Ok so this is the deal. I saw my T on the 4th of March , some of the things that she says i said , i dont remember.. but for the sake of argument lets say that i did say them . We went over that day by about 30 minutes and were alone in the office for that 30 minutes. At some point during the conversation T apparently made a comment and my reply was "well dont forget that we are alone in here" ( i dont remember making that statement , but anyway. So i according to the T i stayed about another 15 minutes and then went on my way. That friday on the 6th i spoke to my T on the phone for about 15 minutes, but nothing was said about what had happened. Then on the 10th i went in for a session and we mostly chatted during that session , we did talk about the "threat " that i made , but T said that she wasnt afraid of me when i said it , she actually thought it was funny because "i was acting much like a sarcastic teen , and besides as she stated it was a fun session". Nothing else was mentioned about the "threat " that i had made. That session ended with me really spacing out and feeling so little and scared things like that , but totally unrelated to the "threat". Yesterday comes and i have another session scheduled , i go in and we talk about what happened in the minutes before ending the last session , stuff like that ... make it through the session without a lot of junk , mostly talked about feeling type stuff. Finally at 3 minutes till 5 (the time was pointed out to me by the T) she dumps this thing on me that since i "threatened" her on the 4th , she was forced to report it to her supervisor , something about she was wrong for letting me go over that day and be alone in the building with me , and that she didnt want to ask anyone to stay over time waiting on us , since it was 5 and everyone wants to get off work by that time. Well i didnt hear a lot past , you have been reported as a potential threat to the supervisors. I did manage to say to her " and now you just get around to telling me about this , after so many different interactions". To which she replied "well i am telling you now". I am fuming ... I have been with this T for almost 4 yrs now and in no way have ever wanted to hurt her , nor tried to hurt her. I ususally wont even tell her the details of the abuse that i went through , because i fear that it will hurt her mentally, and we have talked about that so many times. UGH. So i get up to leave and she says to me " so now your going to leave here all pissed off at me " , i simply said "yes" , but what did she want me to do , she just told me that she was in fear of me and that she didnt like staying after 5 , " because everyone wants to leave on time" and pointed out the time to me .. so WTF. I am so sad , upset , hurt , feel betrayed , ashamed the list goes on . And by the way she said that only the supervisor knows of the incident , but interestingly enough at 5 the secretary buzzes in and says can you pick up , she does and says thanks . Well normally in the past what happens is that the secretary buzzes in and says its 5 and i am leaving now ok . So who the hell is she fooling , that the secretary isnt aware of the "threat". I cant see myself going back to her , now that i am considered a "threat ' to her saftey or anyone elses. So extremely sad !

My3sns, this sounds like a really difficult situation and I can understand why you'd feel weird about going back next time. I also think that her end of the session timing and responses were a little bit of a misstep on her part for such a big topic.

Since you've asked, I will give you my full opinion though. I'd just try to put myself in the T's position. I'm sure there are rules and procedures that govern her office, and they probably include talking with supervisors about any safety issues, threats, etc. I can also see how a rule that T's shouldn't be alone after hours with clients (any client, not just you) makes sense and is probably a good office practice. Frankly, if I had been in her situation and if someone said that to me, it would probably make me want to be a little extra cautious too, whatever your actual intent. You said in the past you've been considerate of her feelings about other things, maybe you could try to see this one from her point of view too?

If you've worked together well for the last four years, and if you think working with her is helping you, maybe you could at least try to fully talk this out with her before you make up your mind? Maybe you could do a phone session next time so the safety issue wouldn't even be on the table?

Good luck.

[pachyderm]

If you do not remember making a threat, then maybe it is time to explore that lack of memory (if that's what it is)...

[my3sns]

Thank you , i appreciate your honesty . I do understand why she did what she did , as far as reporting it the the supervisor to some extent. And although i wasnt aware of any rule about not being in the building alone , i dont see any problem with it . I agree that it could be potentially a bad situation , and since it has never come up before , i just didnt give it much thought. And in no way do i feel like this rule was specifically directed towards me , i am sure that there is a very valid reason for having such a rule.
I guess my issue is more of the fact that she told me herself that she never felt threatened by me , didnt have the idea in any way that i had any intention of hurting her , and actually thought the banter back and forth was pretty funny , and allowed it to go on for so long for that reason. And that she felt like she was dealing with a smart aleck type teenager at the time, even stated that it reminded her of times with her own children , when they were younger . I dont understand the contradiction. And this was stated to me on the 10th when i was sitting there in her office!

Perhaps she saw the fun in your banter, but had to report it to her supervisor because of rules. And perhaps her supervisor reminded her of a rule of T's not being in the office alone with clients, and she had to then follow that rule. My guess is that all of this has to do with the rules/guidelines/boundaries of the office where she works, and not with you.

I used to work in mental health services, and we were not to be alone in the office with clients. I accidentally ran into one of our homeless clients there when I went in alone to do some catch up work on a weekend once, and it actually turned into a very scary situation.

Definitely something to talk about with T. Hopefully she can reassure you that it was nothing personal

[my3sns]

I dont see a problem with not being alone in the office with clients! I didnt even think that this in any way was directed towards me as an individual ! I totally get that these are rules and rules should be followed , i am not asking her to break any rules!
What i dont understand ... after talking to her the 4th , 6th and the 10th nothing was told to me that this had to be reported (this incident happened on the 4th). Finally i was told that this was reported on the 13th and with 3 minutes left to go in the session!
What am i saying that indicates that i am taking this as a personal attack , or that i expect my T to bend the rules just for me ?

Originally Posted by my3sns

What am i saying that indicates that i am taking this as a personal attack , or that i expect my T to bend the rules just for me ?

((((((((((((((((my3sns))))))))))))))))))))



I would feel frustrated too if T had many chances to discuss something like that with me, but didn't.

I hope you can bring this up with her and get some clarity on what she was thinking. Sometimes misunderstandings lead to growth in the therapy relationship, or to helping us speak up for ourselves and what we need and deserve.

Sending !!