guilty

My T sees me practically for free. He is really nice, gentle, smart, funny and makes the hour I spend with him a safe place.
I like him and like going to therapy a lot--even if it is hard work too.

But he rarely reads an email and only sometimes replies to a text-- ESPECIALLY on the w/e.

I have a sort of phone phobia and so the only way I can communicated with him are texts and emails.

I feel angry about it. But then feel guilty because of all the great things about him.

Am I being too demanding? Am I too high maintenance? Expecting too much?

Berries - the best thing to do would be to have an open conversation about this with him. I do understand - my T also sees me for free and she is so very busy but is always open to my calling or emailing her (sometimes she even answers). I too deal with feelings of guilt. But she always encourages me to talk openly with her because my assumptions may be off-base. Good luck! Kiya

((((Berries))))

I don't think my T does e-mail but I can call him if I need him. All people have different ways of communicating and my T prefers I don't call him on the weekend unless I REALLY need him. I agree and think you should have an open chat with T about this and ask him how to handle your needs.

hi berries.

different Ts have different boundaries. my pdoc allows me to call/text between sessions (no emails), but the understanding is 'emergencies' only and no expectations for a reply on weekends. my ex-T would allow emails, but would only make brief replies. he would also turn his phone off after 7pm, so you couldn't get him that way (and he'd work before that, so couldn't get him during the day either!).

so have a chat about what your T allows, and also what to expect. e.g., your T may allow emails, but maybe you shouldn't expect a reply - some Ts think it's more important to discuss these in session.

((((((((((((((((((((berries)))))))))))))))))))))

Just chiming in to agree with everyone here...the only way to "know" what the rules/boundaries are is to have an open discussion about it with T.

I am the first client that T has e-mailed with, so he and I had to kind of learn as we went...we had to figure out boundaries and guidelines that felt comfortable and made sense to both of us. I HATED the discussions about it...I mean REALLY hated them!...but in the end, I knew what was okay and what wasn't okay, and felt a lot more comfortable with the whole thing.

What you want and what he is willing to provide are very separate.
Ask him about the emails and texts and what you can expect from him. Then you will know
My T takes unlimited phone calls, but isn't in on weekends and doesn't necessarily check her messages on weekends. So she is generous and limited at the same time.

I'm glad you have a T your like a lot!

I know it sounds really difficult but talking to your T about how you can get support between sessions sounds like a good idea. You don't even have to say it in a way that you are asking for an additional service. Maybe simply state that you are struggling between sessions, sometimes you have the urge to want to communicate with him but your phone phobia prevents you from reaching out. Maybe he can then suggest alternatives.

discussing this with T is hard but at least them you will know what he thinks is acceptable - maybe he just isnt an email person? yoiu wont know till you ask and chaotic has suggested a good way of asking about it

I hope you get this sorted so it stops giving you extra stress - take care

((( nice post!! )))

Ooooh good idea!!!

Berries, can you think of some things that you would be comfortable saying to move the discussion toward getting some help between sessions. Maybe just saying...I really struggling between sessions, my head is exploding, I've tried X,Y,Z but its not helping. Do you have any suggestions for how I can deal with this?

To me this approach highlights all the ways YOU are trying do help yourself. Maybe if he realizes how hard you are working, he will provide a suggest that doesn't involve the use of a phone.

I talked with T about struggling between sessions and phone phobia and we have had some IM crisis calls lately and they help trememdously.

He seems very willing and generous with his time, during the IM sessions.

I won't abuse it, but when I need it, i feel confident that I will text him and he will IM me and we'll get through the crisis.

Thanks everyone for your advice.

Great! I never thought about IM. Creative solution! I am also very careful about trying not to abuse my option to email. I think the key to these outside session options is to respect the fact that your T has other patients and a personal life too. They cannot and should not be expected to be at our beck-&-call. We need to learn to depend on ourselves and other support systems for regular day-to-day issues.