[mixedup_emotions]

Each week, I go to individual therapy and group therapy. I was so worried about transference issues and having "feelings" for my T. So far, that has not happened. I am thankful that I haven't developed those kinds of feelings for my T, which seems to be so common.

Before my individual therapy appointments, I always see this one woman walk out of his office. The client he has before me. She's this little, young, blonde woman. I didn't think much of it at first.

But then, a week ago, I started to feel envious. Knowing that he has other clients who share their deepest, darkest secrets with him....and that transference exists, and that he could possibly be getting a power kick out of being in that position where women are falling over him, etc. I pushed the thought out of my mind and all was well.

The other day, that same woman walked out of his office....but this time, she approached me! She said my name and introduced herself. I was confused! She said that T told her I was in the waiting room and that he suggested that she talk to me about our group therapy - and get some feedback on how I felt about group - since she will be joining our group on Tuesday. We had a very nice chat, and I think I eased some of her concerns.

Our T came into the waiting room with a big grin on his face. The woman left, and I walked into his office. He said that he thought he'd take advantage of the "people pleasing" part of me to help talk to her about group...I said something like, "Thanks a lot for using my "people pleasing" crutch to your advantage!".....I was joking, and we laughed. Then, we got down to business....

I am now a bit uneasy about this woman joining our group. Maybe it's because she's new....or maybe it's because she's a pretty little lady who I feel will get "extra" attention because of her looks. Maybe because I feel inadequate compared to her. Maybe because of the feelings that were stirred up in me last week about the possibility of transference and him getting a power kick out of it....jealousy...all figments of my imagination.

Perhaps by Tuesday, once I get to know her, the feelings will subside. I'm just wondering what these feelings are all about, and I DON'T want them to be the start of feelings for my T.

And I don't want to talk to T about this....

Can anyone relate?

I worried that I might develop an erotic transference for my T - and I had a flash of it once - but my love for him feels very,very different than that.

I AM jealous of his other clients (not as much as I used to be) and I have told him that. We've talked about it a lot - both in a serious way and in a joking way. T accepts it and understands it. He made me feel like it's normal and really okay. I've tried to get him into comparing me with other clients (am I your favorite? your least favorite?) but he won't fall for it I think we just want to feel special. T DOES make me feel special. I know that during that hour, he is thinking only about me, and about our relationship.

It's hard to share T with other people. And it's hard to talk to T about how that feels - but I'm glad I brought it up, because now when I am having those feelings, it's easy to talk about it, and it gets it out of my head, and I can usually end up laughing about it.

((((((((((((((((((((((((mixed))))))))))))))))))))))))) Therapy!!!! If it's not one thing, it's another, huh??

[emilyjeanne]

I think that transference feelings are common. My T actually told me that if I developed erotic transference that it would be ok to talk about.

So I can totally relate. I also can relate to the group therapy feelings. May I suggest that you talk to your T about these feelings. It may be helpful.

[chaotic13]

I think what would have flipped me out would be realizing my T was using and taking advantage of my "people pleasing" tendancy. One of my greatest fears is that my T would learn enough about me to use it.

Sometimes I get really scared when I realize my T has led me somewhere.

I don't know about any groups or how they work. Does your T get some kind of compensation when he gets people to join the group.

Originally Posted by chaotic13

I think what would have flipped me out would be realizing my T was using and taking advantage of my "people pleasing" tendancy.

Actually, yeah, I didn't mention it in my first post, but this concerned me too. Isn't it a breach of confidentiality to tell a client another client's name and that they are in a group?? I would TOTALLY expect my T to ask me in session if I would be willing to talk to another client about group before just sending someone to talk to me about it. If my T said to someone "I have a client in the waiting room, her name is treehouse, she's in my therapy group, why don't you go and ask her about it" WITHOUT checking with me first, I would be really really REALLY angry.

Do you feel okay about it, mixed? That would push A LOT of my buttons...

[hangingon]

I thought that same thing about the T sending someone to talk to you. On one hand I thought, well, he must think you have alot to offer to do such a thing in refering someone to speak to you. On the other hand, what if you were not in a state to do such a thing? What if you didn't want other people to know you were in a group. That part is a little sketchy to me. If he had asked your ok to that first that would have been totally different.

[deliquesce]

i would be upset by it too, but if you are ok with it then don't let us guide you as to how you should feel!

having feelings for your T isn't really a bad thing, yknow. it's not something to be scared about. my guess is that you are being a bit hypervigilant about this, and that's why you are noticing things you might not otherwise even think about? am i way off base here?

[chaotic13]

Yes, Mixed-up its all about how you felt about it. Sometimes when we right stuff its hard to capture all the body language and non-verbal stuff that also went on. I think in this situation...the other client was going to be joining the group. Since you are in the group..she was likely going to meet you in a day anyway and would remember seeing you at the office. He was just likely trying to give her someone to be familar with to make the 1st day less stressful. I think what he did was smart...As a teacher, I would have captured an opportunity like this to help a new student.

I am just a total paranoid freak. I automatically think people are using me without me being aware of it. He used you but in an open and direct way. My real concern was,...Was he using you to sway or entice this women to join his group? And if so, I wouldn't like it. If you want me to endorse/sell a product or service I want a cut of the revenue. LOL I know it is probably ignorant of me to apply the business model to therapy but--I'm at detacted mental patient and that's where my mind goes.

Treehouse...your right it would have been nice to be asked first. However in a extemporanious situation like this...not sure it was possible. This post kind of highlights one reason group therapy has never been mentioned to me is...Group therapy doesn't seem to be a good place for confidentiality freaks like me. LOL

[chaotic13]

***** WARNING Please, if you are really trouble about this situation. Don't read this one *****

It is meant as a tongue and cheek comment**** I

DO NOT WANT TO SPIN THIS INTO SOMETHING THAT IT IS NOT.

Hey mixed-up another good thing you can take away from this is...Your T obviously thinks you're a positive influence on the group. You mentioned that this other women was attractive. Your T must see as attractive too and your "people pleasing" ablity as aset. After all, an ugly totally insane person is usually not selected for meet and greets.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

I think what would have flipped me out would be realizing my T was using and taking advantage of my "people pleasing" tendancy. One of my greatest fears is that my T would learn enough about me to use it.

Sometimes I get really scared when I realize my T has led me somewhere.

I don't know about any groups or how they work. Does your T get some kind of compensation when he gets people to join the group.

When I read about others experiences with T, it sometimes makes me think that my T does things out of the norm....like how he basically outright told me about the direction I should go in with my husband.

I'm not really concerned or upset that he "took advantage" of my people pleasing tendency. I guess I think of it moreso that he thought of me enough to know that I would be helpful - and that he remembered that I was a people pleaser.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Actually, yeah, I didn't mention it in my first post, but this concerned me too. Isn't it a breach of confidentiality to tell a client another client's name and that they are in a group?? I would TOTALLY expect my T to ask me in session if I would be willing to talk to another client about group before just sending someone to talk to me about it. If my T said to someone "I have a client in the waiting room, her name is treehouse, she's in my therapy group, why don't you go and ask her about it" WITHOUT checking with me first, I would be really really REALLY angry.

Do you feel okay about it, mixed? That would push A LOT of my buttons...

I don't really feel that way....but it does seem a bit risky on his part...unless he feels he knows me well enough that I would not get upset by it....

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i would be upset by it too, but if you are ok with it then don't let us guide you as to how you should feel!

having feelings for your T isn't really a bad thing, yknow. it's not something to be scared about. my guess is that you are being a bit hypervigilant about this, and that's why you are noticing things you might not otherwise even think about? am i way off base here?

I guess it could be that I am being more aware of my feelings now that I've been to therapy...and trying to figure out why they exist...and how I am sooooo fearful of experiencing transference issues....because I don't want that added pain in my life.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

***** WARNING Please, if you are really trouble about this situation. Don't read this one *****

It is meant as a tongue and cheek comment**** I

DO NOT WANT TO SPIN THIS INTO SOMETHING THAT IT IS NOT.

Hey mixed-up another good thing you can take away from this is...Your T obviously thinks you're a positive influence on the group. You mentioned that this other women was attractive. Your T must see as attractive too and your "people pleasing" ablity as aset. After all, an ugly totally insane person is usually not selected for meet and greets.

Wow, that makes a lot of sense! I guess I should feel warm and fuzzy about it.... Hey, maybe my T has the hots for me! (OK, that was TOTALLY tongue-in-cheek and NOT what I think AT ALL...LOL)

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I guess it could be that I am being more aware of my feelings now that I've been to therapy...and trying to figure out why they exist...and how I am sooooo fearful of experiencing transference issues....because I don't want that added pain in my life.

i guess i should come clean and admit i have MEGA transference issues with one of my docs. but yknow, to me it is so special, that it is something i treasure and don't worry about. it isn't something that causes me pain, because i know it is only a fantasy. the reality of something eventuating from my fantasy would scare me - i don't want that to happen! but having the fantasy is nice. it certainly has helped me to heal.

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I guess I think of it moreso that he thought of me enough to know that I would be helpful

I think is likely the reason he did what he did. He was likely trying to help the other woman feel more comfortable and he saw you and was confident that you could help him out. I also probably knew you well enough that you would see his actions for what they were and be glad to help someone else. I think it feels good when we are able to help others.