[Yoda]

I have been having episodes of aphasia for a couple of months and my pdoc ordered a MRI scan of my brain. I never thought much about it because I have had CAT scans and had no trouble. But the MRI was very tight and I couldn't handle it because of my claustrophobia. The tech told me to go to Women and Childrens hospital because they have an open MRI.

So I emailed my pdoc and told him that I was unable to complete the MRI because I am extremely claustrophobic since I was assaulted as a twelve year old child and the people assaulting me placed a plastica bag over my head to keep me quiet. Here is where I screwed up. I said that because of what happened to me I have lots of anger still and the people who assaulted me are on my hit list. Dumb, dumb, dumb. It is true that I wish those people much pain and have had fantasies of killing one man but I don't even know where these people are now. I always fantasized that if I was told I had only six months to live I would search for the one I hate most but I don't know what I would do if I found him. I mean my exhusband was abusive and I had fantasies of killing him but I never did anything.

My pdoc returned my email and chastised me for not knowing my claustraphobia would be a problem and said I wasted the hospital's time and money.

I emailed him to let him know when I had finished the open MRI and asked what to do next. He had mentioned a sleep deprivation EEG when I first told him of the aphasia but he no longer responds to my emails.

I wish I could explain that I was only trying to emphasize that I have lots of anger still because of the assault and the fantasies are just that, fantasies. But I wonder if I should just shut up already.

I wish I could explain in person but I have no appt scheduled and am afraid he may drop me as a patient because of this.

What should I do that can help and won't make the situation worse?

[sunrise]

I think you should schedule an appointment with him. If you have no appointment scheduled, the ball is in your court to schedule one if you need it. During your appointment you can go over the results of your MRI, clear up any misunderstanding there may have been over your email, and talk about your current aphasia symptoms and the next steps (e.g. sleep study). You don't know that he is pissed off at you, just that he hasn't answered your email. I'm not sure he would get so angry just because "you wasted the hospital's time and money" and so refuse to answer your email. Maybe he has been busy or he likes to keep discussions with patients in-person rather than by email. I don't think it is a good idea to keep putting your personal fantasies in your emails. I think it better to share those in person so you can explain better. It's easy to misinterpret the intent in emails when you can't see facial expressions, ask for clarification, etc.

[Xtree]

I agree with Sunrise. This is an important conversation to have with your T. My advice would be to schedule an appointment and apologize for the misunderstanding then explain. I am sure there is a very good explanation. The both of you should talk about boundaries so you understand what they are. Some Ts are very clear regarding cutting, suicide and other things. You have to talk about them in advance so you are very clear what they are.

Xtree

[imapatient]

Yoda, I understand that you're in pain, but I don't get it the situation.

The problem I hear with your pdoc is that he chastised you about not being able to get the closed MRI--you wasted $, people's time. That comes across clear.

I don't hear anything in what you wrote about the fantasies coming from your pdoc. They seem to have nothing to do with the anger you felt from him. It sounds like those issues are irrelevant.

I don't know how long he’s seen you, but a good doc should help prepare people for any tests they'll be taking, explain it, explore possible side-effects, reasons pro/con about it, ask questions about possible issues (you’re not the only claustrophobic to be assigned an MRI). Did he know of your claustrophobia (sources of it aside)? If so, he should have picked up on the potential problem there since he knows the machines, etc. In any case, he should've done more. He might have been projecting his anger at himself for not having done an adequate job—which he didn’t do. The patient isn’t expected to have technical expertise to foresee your situation; the doc is.

I agree with sunrise. You need to make an appt. You're trying to mind read--was he bothered by the fantasies I told him about, etc.? The other thing is that it is always the patient’s responsibility to follow up to make sure they get their next appt. A pdoc's office can be quite busy. The email method is probably not appropriate for him on some of this—like what else to do? The first thing is have him go over the report with you. If you don't do that, then the money really was wasted.

[Perna]

"I emailed him to let him know when I had finished the open MRI and asked what to do next." When did you have the open MRI and e-mail him? If it was only a couple days ago he may not have had time to reply; I wouldn't automatically assume he isn't answering your emails. Maybe the email didn't get to him either; I'd send it again, but only if you sent it Monday or earlier.

It takes a few days to a week before a test gets to the doctor too, he could be waiting to get the results still. I know I have to get tests a week before I go in for my quarterly visits with my doctor.

[Christina86]

((((((((Yoda)))))))))))

I've had the "closed" MRIs before. TOTALLY NOT FUN! And I don't even suffer from claustrophobia or from any abuse that could cause negative feelings...

MRIs are loud, scary, and bright/dark enough as is - without dealing with triggers and anxiety to boot! Actually I don't much like CAT scans either... but at least those aren't nearly as bad.

Call him. Seriously. Tell him that crazy Christina on the other side of a computer sympathizes with you in your discomfort to submit to a closed-MRI! I'm glad you made it through it though!

[phoenix7]

I had a closed MRI - I was panicking all through it - hated it - so I understand - ok pdoc thinks you wasted peoples time - didnt he know you were agoraphobic? maybe he should have explained it to you first/

Anyway an appointment seems the way to go - emails are ok - but talking face to face generally sorts things out - I hope things work out for you

[hangingon]

Thats so silly for him to get upset with you about that, it's not like you were wasting his money.....Sorry he acted that way with you.

[KUREHA]

I think you should call and make an appointment as well, he might not have received your other email.

The other things you mentioned are probably better to talk about in person - I wrote it down - then got so many questions about it.

I don't think he should be angry about that though - I think you should definitely make an appointment