[sw628]

So my T responded to an email I sent her last night. She asked me what my life dreams were, and how we can work together to see them to fruition. Truthfully, I have NO idea what my goals or dreams are. I haven't responded yet, because I can't answer her question. I'm in my very early 20's and have no idea what "I want to be when I grow up". I imagine that I'd like to have a wonderful husband and children one day or even a successful job that I enjoy going to. I have a bachelors degree and am considering graduate school, yet I don't know if I'll ever get there or where life will take me. I'm so lost and confused. I feel as though I'm walking through life without a compass or a map. I'm so utterly lost. Does anyone know what this is like or have a few words of wisdom? I'd eventually like to respond to T, when I have the right words to say.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by sw628

So my T responded to an email I sent her last night. She asked me what my life dreams were, and how we can work together to see them to fruition. Truthfully, I have NO idea what my goals or dreams are. I haven't responded yet, because I can't answer her question. I'm in my very early 20's and have no idea what "I want to be when I grow up". I imagine that I'd like to have a wonderful husband and children one day or even a successful job that I enjoy going to. I have a bachelors degree and am considering graduate school, yet I don't know if I'll ever get there or where life will take me. I'm so lost and confused. I feel as though I'm walking through life without a compass or a map. I'm so utterly lost. Does anyone know what this is like or have a few words of wisdom? I'd eventually like to respond to T, when I have the right words to say.

I can sooooo relate to this! I basically ended up where I am in life on luck and work....without a goal. I am 34 years old, separated, have a 7 year old child, a decent job but with a boss that hates me....and I STILL don't know what I really want to do in life.

I envy those who have goals and make a plan for their lives to achieve their goals and dreams. I just draw a blank.

[Luce]

I went through years and years of therapy before I could even contemplate having 'goals' in my life. Guess I am saying I can really relate to being in that place where you don't have any. For me there were many, many steps to get from (intially) survival in the moment, to seeing that I may actually *have* a future, to then even remotely feeling like I had the power to impact or guide what that future might be, to developing and idea of what I might want for myself in life, and then finally actively planning and working towards getting that idea to come to fruition.

Maybe what your therapist is asking of you is way beyond whatever step you are at right now in your own process. There's nothing wrong with being wherever you are now. And there's nothing wrong with talking with her about how you feel about what she has asked of you, and the difficulties you have with that.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sw628

So my T responded to an email I sent her last night. She asked me what my life dreams were, and how we can work together to see them to fruition.

My T has asked me that several times, over the course of 2.5 years of therapy. I could not answer and the question made me uncomfortable. I think I needed to take care of "old business" first, and resolve past trauma, pain, stuckness, etc., before being ready to move on to contemplate the future. Now I am feeling much more ready to start exploring this with T. I am not sure of the answer to the question for myself, but I can at least start thinking about it. My T says that he will help me realize those dreams, or take steps toward them. There is something very scary about trying to figure out one's dreams. Because what if you fail or they seem impossible? Or what if you share with someone and they laugh at you? I think it takes a lot of trust to share one's dreams with someone. Dreams can be very fragile and sometimes need to be nurtured inside before being brought into the light of day. So I think there's two parts to this: figuring out your dreams, and then when you're ready, sharing with your T so she can help you find a way to make them come true.

((SW628)),
I'd email your T exactly what you wrote in your post. Those are your true feelings and thoughts and that is what your T needs to hear.

Truthfully, I have NO idea what my goals or dreams are. I haven't responded yet, because I can't answer her question.

You just answered her question, that you are unsure of your goals. Now it's your T's job to help you figure out the path that you want to take. So, I guess you could tell her what you wrote and that the first thing you need to reach your goals is to figure out what they are=) A lot of people in their 20's don't have any idea what to do, you're not alone in this!

I hope it all goes well! TC.

[phoenix7]

I think you stated some goals or dreams? -

(Quote)I imagine that I'd like to have a wonderful husband and children one day or even a successful job that I enjoy going to. I have a bachelors degree and am considering graduate school (end quote)

Maybe you could startwith these and work on it from there

[Mouse_]

Originally Posted by sw628

So my T responded to an email I sent her last night. She asked me what my life dreams were, and how we can work together to see them to fruition. Truthfully, I have NO idea what my goals or dreams are. I haven't responded yet, because I can't answer her question. I'm in my very early 20's and have no idea what "I want to be when I grow up". I imagine that I'd like to have a wonderful husband and children one day or even a successful job that I enjoy going to. I have a bachelors degree and am considering graduate school, yet I don't know if I'll ever get there or where life will take me. I'm so lost and confused. I feel as though I'm walking through life without a compass or a map. I'm so utterly lost. Does anyone know what this is like or have a few words of wisdom? I'd eventually like to respond to T, when I have the right words to say.

Sometimes its just asking the question that is most beneficial, the answers always change from time to time.

[ECHOES]

That's a huge question but your answer can be simple and general rather than very specific.
Your answer might be that you'd like to work with children, or animals, or the elderly in some way, for example.
Picture your 'perfect' life: what does it look like? Is there a spouse, children, pets? Are you living on a farm, a mountaintop, a bustling city, a quiet beach town? In this life have you achieved a desire to.. paint, play the piano, tend a garden, volunteer in a soup kitchen or a school? In this life are you single and financially independent and travelling for pleasure?

It might feel like you are being asked to make decisions that are concrete and can not be changed, but in truth life begins at one point and often changes as we change and grow as we go along. So it's okay to choose a beginning point for now. You may choose many beginning points in your life as you decide to change directions as your interests emerge and evolve. Right now, this is an "Okay, let's start here..."

I think it must be very wonderful to have someone like your T interested in seeing you realize what you want in life.

[sw628]

WOW! Thanks so much everyone. By just reading your response, i was able to email my T last night with a decent answer. I am at a point in my life where everything feels temporary, so the few dreams that i do have seem so far away. Moreover, I have to be be willing to identify what my dreams are, and cope with the fact that those might change. I suppose the most important thing is that life is so unpredictable so who knows where i will end up.

( mixed up emotions)- At times I envy those who have it ALL together. Sometimes I feel that way toward to my T. Yet, I remember that she was once in my place. Lost and confused about her place in this world. Everyone has to take the journey, for some it's easier.

(Echoes)- I like the single/travel for pleasure scenario That's looking more attractive by the hour

(Luce)- Thanks for the assurance to be OK wherever i am in my life right now.

(sunrise)- I agree. I'm terrified to identify what my dreams are. Growing up, i didn't think that I would get beyond my awful upbringing, so to go to college was a dream in of it's self. Thanks for sharing your therapy experience.

(Soliaree)- You were the reason I answered my T's question. Thanks for pointing out the obvious for me. i just had to re-read my own post ahaha

(Phoenix7)- Thanks for the advice. I even added a few more that seem generic, but a dream nevertheless.

(Mouse)- You are exactly right, the answers will ALWAYS change, at least for me

(((SW))) -
I'm so glad that you were able to email your T!!!