Startle Reaction, 1

When I was a newlywed in ’69 I asked other army wives what to expect when my husband returns from Vietnam. I wanted and expected comfort and minimizing post-combat stress. Instead, they told me. I was scared at some of the things I heard, like when the vet wakes up. I told myself that my husband was strong, trained, intelligent, balanced, healthy, and therefore unlikely for him to have whatever they called post-traumatic stress at the time. I never thought I would need to know what to do when the alarm went off and my husband was kneeling on the bed. He had a panicked look in his eyes and his arms were flailing around. Later I learned he had been searching for his gun.

I was grateful to those women who told me honestly what might happen and what to do about it - In a soothing voice, bring him into the present. Someone called it “talking like a recovery room nurse”. It’s interesting that a combat vet I know worked at rock concerts. He was trained to talk down a person with an LSD overdose in that same way.

I’d say, “It’s time to get up and go to your job, in the USA. I’m your wife.” I’d keep up that kind of happy voice speaking until he would recognize me and come back to here and now. This was stressful for both of us. He would look at me as if to say, “What’s she doing in Vietnam?” Before then I thought a flashback was something that reminds you of something else in a vivid way. Don’t we all get startled when a car backfires? The flashbacks I saw were more than vivid. My husband explained his flashbacks were as if he was really on the battlefield with all the fear and other emotions. Whew! These reactions passed quickly. I like to think that what I did helped reduce stress. I call this is a success story because the wives gave me a tool that worked. In knowing what to do created a supportive environment. Knowing what he was experiencing during a flashback made me more sensitive, calm and supportive.

vnvetwife, Thank you for sharing your experiences and giving others hope! How are you and your husband doing?

Thanks for asking. He doesn't startle easily and he's the happiest I've ever seen him. I'll ask him to post his latest breakthrough.

What a kind, patient and loving wife you are. Thank you for sharing this inspirational story.