[everytime]

Hello, I actually need more ur suggestions and thoughts on this more than support. I have been in this situation for so long that i kindof figured out what is going on, but im scared that it might be even worse and stuff ok, i'll just some it up. I'm olmost 18 now and im a girl.

3 years ago i had this new teacher, he was 29 and handsome.
I was 15 and as a young girl you get ur crushes, he was funny, kinda arrogant and new and i liked it. Little girl crushes are nothing real, we know that haha. Only weird thing i noticed that year was once he had to talk to me infront of other teachers he wouldnt look at me, for the rest he acted normal, as far is i noticed.
but lots of girls had crushes on him and more of them where older so they gossiped about him. he joked and stuff, but never intended anything wrong , he is a good man not a perf, i know him personally and just trust me on that!
imagine having 2 kinds of girls, 1 girl is in love with him, the other one isnt.
when he says "you can always come to me if you have a problem"
the girl that is NOT in love will take it as it is, he is being a teacher a nice man, normal fine
the girl that IS in love, will take it as she wants it to be "ohh he likes me , wants to be alone with me blabla"
so thats where those stories came from. a year later i told him all the gossip, he punished the students and he treaded those girls bad and me good. when i asked him if he was doing that on purpose, he said no. i helped him. i lost friends (well bad friends) over it. bt thats ok. i saw who they truely where.

then everything was fine for months, all the sudden. when i was like 16, he couldnt look me in the eye anymore. he turned red around me and avoided me. over a year untill i was like 17 i tried to figure out what it was... as u prolly think urself, there prolly became some feelings?? (its loose from the i helped him story, its just i thought it maybe was inportant? lol) my crush was over but i do have to admit i have caring feelings for him. even tho he annoys me with his behaviour. for a while when i was still 16 i was so confused by it that i had to go see a person who talks with u about ur problems and my grades went down and that untill i realised what was going on, i did tell some big people how he behaved to me but they have a contract that they cant talk anyway, i confronted him with his behaviour and said i imagined it and stuff. he also said he has spys that pretend to be ur friend?? wtf and he said that months later infront of the class i was in too.

that went on for a while, sometimes we had for a week that he was , well as always red and not looking in my eyes, but when i dont look he has to look at me and he holds back a smile kinda face, when i was pissed of with him he also got pissed of, and he practaccily took over the emotion I was showing. and when i did sth, like calling him a jerk in class, he just ignored it and he was just being cranky, but not saying anything

this year when i was 17, he started to involve friends. not help them and try to get away from them as fast as possible, while they are like any other students, only my great friends. we also have this kindof site like facebook (diff but also a kindof profile site), he is also on there with his wife and like all students add him. i never added him, but he blocked me and his wife (!) blocked me too. then one night i was talking too 2 friends at the same time and he was online too, he kept coming online so i could see him for like an hour while i was talking to them both (both friends had him in friends list) and then he removed both of them from their list. On e friend, a guy, he didnt only removed, today, he blocked my friend. but its vacation and im at home, not doing anything. i was at school with my friend, and he walked trhough the back to go home instead of the normal way, cuz i was there.

+ there are thse 3 girls that are like, they do whatever he says, they also have some kind of job in the school. 3 seeked contact with me, but one of them asked my phonenumber and msn, but on that profile site (where she has the teacher and his wife) i cant talk, she keeps removing my messages like someone is not suppose to see it? and she was suppose to be in paris and still she got to delete it. idk if that has sth to do with it, but i keep remebering his weird spy thing.

so, there is a teacher i care for, he suddenly cant look at me anymore and gets red. he does look when im talking to friends and knows where i am, sometimes he coughs untill i look over, when im mad - he turns mad, when normal and happy - he is like "hihi" , but still he tries to avoid me and block me away but at stupid momets he still wants attention and wants to look.
+ i dont get the whole starnge behaviour suddenly towards my friends.
i tried to look out of his eyes, ya know, having a job in a school and a wife
then me but soometiems i find it scary what he does.
he had to search me up on that site cuz i never sended him an invivtaion
i can tell u a 10000 of situations where i can talk about his behaviour
but i want answers, ur thoughts, ive confronted him many times but he makes up lame excuses that are logic that they arent right but still in a way that i dont know what to say anyway

i dont know what to do?
some things creep me out too.
like the spy's and his wife blocking me.
and suddenly treading my friends bad.
i got used ot the behaviour
evetho the blocking me away thing
fits weirdly with the weird attention seeking he does too.

[Shangrala]

everytime~

I'm sorry, but..I'm not sure exactly what you are asking here.
You request our suggestions and input.....but, to what exactly?

It sounds to me that now that you're almost 18, which means you're either entering your senior year next fall, or that you've graduated already...either way, there should be nothing to concern yourself with regarding this teacher.

Ignor and move on?

I'd like to be of more help to you...but, even though your post was generously informative, what you were asking was quite vague?
I'm sorry.....

I hope this helps you some.

Shangrala

Sounds to me you think he has a crush on you and are in a way pleased with it.

[Elysium]

You know....I'm sorry that these issues are causing you to waste your time and energy on them....

I really don't get it. You're 17, and he is a teacher at your school. You're underage, and he is married. There are so many red flags and inner-conflicts with this relationship that DON'T have to be there.

I think you need to pull your head out of the clouds and focus on YOUR EDUCATION!!!!!

There is a hot teacher in everyone's school, that all the little girls get crushes on....but it sounds to me as if you are reading too much into this relationship and you just need to let it go and move on. You should be focusing on having a summer vacation, getting a part time job, getting into college, what courses you can take next year to set you up for getting into college, and of course being a teenager. Yes...part of being a teen is having crushes, but you need to just let it be that.

If he chases after you while you are underage and a student at his school, and while he is married then I would report it to the Principal. I can almost hear you say "but...I don't want him to get in trouble..." Yeah...well if he's sending ANY signals to you that there might be something there, it needs to be brought to someone's attention because this could get out of hand. Maybe not with you, but with some other girl down the road.

My suggestion.....move on from this and focus on what matters....your future. This married teacher ain't it.

[AAAAA]

From what I can understand from your post, it appears that you think he has a thing for you and that explains his behavior. Since you insist he isn't a perv (at least I think that's what you meant) then perhaps he too senses that you have mistaken his good will as something more and it makes him feel uncomfortable.

Why aren't his explanations of the situation logical to you? You seem to be fixated with the single idea that he has a crush on you and that there is no other explanation. There are many.

IF you feel he is acting inappropriately DO discuss this with the appropriate people at your school and your parents. It really doesn't sound like the case based upon the information that you've stated, it sounds very much like you've freaked him out and he's doing what he can to avoid you.

What I'm reading between the lines is that when you discussed this with "big people" they brought the problem to his attention (perhaps hypothetically). If he has any intelligence at all, he's discussed this with his superiors to let them know there is a potential problem that they should be aware of.

My advice is treat him just as you would any other teacher, don't expect any more or any less.

[sunflower55]

This man is doing his job in the classroom. And it sounds as if your fantasy is making things very difficult. He's blocking you for all the right reasons. I'm sorry if you have a crush on him. But, that's something that *you* have to deal with. It's not *his* problem.

He's your TEACHER. He's a married ADULT.
You're his STUDENT. You are a CHILD, (even as I realize you don't feel like one, legally, you *are* one).
These realities do not mix -- at all.
They can get him fired and put him in jail if he ever crossed a line. And this line is very clear. Unfortunately, teacher training does not prepare young men, (or women for that matter), how to deal with adolescent girls and boys who are maturing physically, and look much older than they are with their dress and make up and such.
But, know this, even a *perception* of wrong doing on his part can get him in deep trouble that can ruin his career. It can prevent him from ever being able to move up.

Is that what you want for him?
What will that get you?

You do need to focus on students your own age - friends and boyfriends. You need to look at your own education; your own future. That is what is appropriate; what is right - for everyone involved.

You are old enough to know right from wrong.
Please think about this long and hard. And do the right thing.
Move away from this situation. Since school's out, it should be easy enough to do.

His life is *not* yours to share.
He's your teacher. Nothing more.

I wish you well.

Peace!

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

There is a hot teacher in everyone's school, that all the little girls get crushes on....

I agree... this sounds like any other young girl crush on a teacher, we all had them and we let them go.

[everytime]

hi, thanks for your help.
im sorry my story was confusing, i have to say again i HAD crush on him when i was younger, right now i want this situation to end. because i have to concentrate on my study and my parents are getting divorced and some other family stuff so this man is a annoying distraction right now. yesterday my friends came to and said to me his blocking all my friends and he ones told me he has spys that pretend to be my friend???

im sorry but i find that rather weird, and it keeps confronting me, and i want it to be over, sorry my question was vague lol. but want it to be over, and trust me ive always acted normal to him as much as possible. i dont over ignore him, i leave him alone unless i have to ask something for school, thats all. and i dont wanne be with him or anything, i USE to have a crush on him when i was younger.

for a while i thought that maybe he thought i was in love with him, but that makes no sense because in the past there have been many girls that where really in love with him and showed it by saying his hot and stuff (lol) and he treated them normal but did ask them to stop saying that for exemple. i already tried to ignore it and stuff, but now he is even treating my friends different and when i think its getting better its just getting worse and im really done with it and i want to be over, but dont know how?

[everytime]

btw i have to spend 2 more years at this school.
thats why i came here and asked what to do
because i want to be done now.

[AAAAA]

I think the best course of action is just to ignore him and treat him like any other teacher. Why even dwell or even try to guess why he's blocking anyone or doing other things you find odd? You're the one keeping this situation alive by giving it thought. Some people are strange, just ignore him and move on.

If this becomes a problem with him as your teacher, and by problem I mean you are unable to complete his course work because of his behavior, discuss it with the adults in your life.

[everytime]

Ok I will do that, thanks.
Sorry if my story wasnt very understanding lol. i didint know where to began and left some details out that i said in my last message , but i didnt think of it, but anyway thanks.
I'll try to ignore it, act normal and let him be odd on his own, and when it goes out of hand i will talk to an adult then.

thanks again.

[Shangrala]

I agree with AAAAA....

If this continues further to where it distracts you, then take it up with someone who has influence in the matter and who CAN bring this to an immediate hault.
There are strict rules to which both teacher and student must abide to. Anything outside of that need to be attended to accordingly and concluded quickly.

I hope that helps some.....

Shangrala

[everytime]

Ok, i will seek help with it if it goes to far, thanks!

[sunflower55]

Of course, you don't have to have any more classes with this man, right?
So, don't sign up for any more with him, and you probably won't even have to see him, unless he has coverage in one of your classes due to a teacher absence, right?
Some times, things can be very, very simple.

And just as a clarifying question, you said, "if things go too far..."
Well, since he is blocking you and your friends,
Just *what* is going to go too far?
Sounds to me like he's trying hard to stay away; to maintain boundaries.

So, if you are going to seek help from an adult,
What exactly are you going to seek help about?

From what you've disclosed, (which is all we know here), he's doing nothing unprofessional. Indeed, he's being quite professional. (I'm a teacher, by way of complete disclosure.)

So, is it your own feelings for which you you will seek help?
And if not, exactly what?

I'm asking, not for my own gratification, but, for your own clear mind. It still sounds as if you are confused about this whole issue, even though you say you want it over. And the upset at home may be making the entire situation more confusing.

I'm no shrink. But, I've been working with adolescents, in education, for over 20 years. And too many times, things get twisted up in our minds, even when we get older too!

So, really think about what you would want help about. Him? Or you?
These are important issues to discern. A bit of introspection, (internal inspection of the heart and soul), would do you well.
We're here to help if you want to work it out.

Peace!

[Shangrala]

Originally Posted by sunflower55

Of course, you don't have to have any more classes with this man, right?
So, don't sign up for any more with him, and you probably won't even have to see him, unless he has coverage in one of your classes due to a teacher absence, right?
Some times, things can be very, very simple.

And just as a clarifying question, you said, "if things go too far..."
Well, since he is blocking you and your friends,
Just *what* is going to go too far?
Sounds to me like he's trying hard to stay away; to maintain boundaries.

So, if you are going to seek help from an adult,
What exactly are you going to seek help about?

From what you've disclosed, (which is all we know here), he's doing nothing unprofessional. Indeed, he's being quite professional. (I'm a teacher, by way of complete disclosure.)

So, is it your own feelings for which you you will seek help?
And if not, exactly what?

I'm asking, not for my own gratification, but, for your own clear mind. It still sounds as if you are confused about this whole issue, even though you say you want it over. And the upset at home may be making the entire situation more confusing.

I'm no shrink. But, I've been working with adolescents, in education, for over 20 years. And too many times, things get twisted up in our minds, even when we get older too!

So, really think about what you would want help about. Him? Or you?
These are important issues to discern. A bit of introspection, (internal inspection of the heart and soul), would do you well.
We're here to help if you want to work it out.

Peace!

Lol...Love your subtle 'word of the day' (w/inclusion of definition)..that's priceless..
(to take out the time to not only use, but include definition....for us who might not know meaning)..That's sweet. Thanks!

Shangrala

[sunflower55]

Shangrala,

As I was addressing a student, I thought it would be important. As I said, I'm a teacher, and a high school teacher at that! So, I figured that she may not know the meaning. And I'm trying to communicate with her.
But, I'm glad you liked it! LOL!

Actually, to be completely correct, I should have stated that introspection is an inspection of the mind, heart and soul.
My bad!
By the time I recognized my error, I couldn't go back and edit it to correct it.
Even teachers make mistakes! LOL!

Peace!