[lenjan]

I am curious if anyone else does this.

I was home (as in the place I grew up) for a few days last week. Mom and one sis still live there; rest of us are scattered but decided to all roadtrip in and hang out with each other for a bit.

Through the wonders of Facebook, over the last year or so I've been getting caught up with people I haven't seen since the early '80s. Several of us got together for lunch at a restaurant one of the "kids" (now a middle-aged man, LOL) owns. It was great.

One of the guys I'd always kind of liked -- not really in a "crush-y" sort of way, but just liked because he was really nice to me, which not a lot of people were -- came to lunch. We'd been chatting back and forth via email and FB and I was really looking forward to seeing him.

He sent me a really nice email afterward, which I will excerpt here (having cleaned up his spelling ). It started out as a question about a book.

you are seriously one of the FEW people I could have this conversation with Candy. I read the book look ago and have a signed copy by his brother Fred which is really dear (not signed to me) but still cool...
when you coming back??? ...

... it was nice to see you as well. Wish I wasn't such brainless idiot when I was growing up. You are a real treat to converse with. It was nice to remember why I liked you so much, knowledge and class (you have it all)... Let us know when you arrive on the Kansas shores again.

My chronically low self-esteem undoubtedly has something to do with it, but color me dumb when it comes to relationships (I've tried hard to avoid them, for the most part): Is he just being nice, again? Because honestly, my mom is 80, my sister there has been bugging me for years to move back and help her with mom, and it's halfway tempting. But I do NOT want to pack up and go and pursue anything with this guy (he's divorced) if I'm just being seduced (as it were) by his feeding my starving ego. It's pathetic I can't tell the difference, but it is what it is. The last guy I got involved with because he was nice to me - on the heels of a crappy relationship I had just gotten out of -- ended up in disaster.

Help??

[jerrymichele]

I think that the guy really likes you, but if you move it should be for you and your family. My experience is that they like me for a little bit, then they can just poof and that's the end of that. You need to let the relationship grow really before you really know. Thats just my opinion anyway. Keep posting.

[sweetypie]

hi. while i am new here, i am 46 and not new at relationships.

nor am i new to moving to be with or near someone.

did it three times, and once was immigration to another country.
i am back in the u.s., just to clarify

if you want to move . . . . you have valid reasons to do so. but i do not think you should move only for this guy.

that said, it does sound as if he really likes you, for you. (and i do not blame him. you are articulate, you sound friendly, nice and very intelligent) (you admit you sell yourself far short....)

but imagine moving there, and if you never see or hear from this guy again. will you still want to be there?

put yourSELF first.
just my opinion, and thanks for letting me express it : )
hugs, xxx

[lenjan]

Yep, I'm 44 and have also done the moving for a relationship thing. I was much younger and much, much dumber, and it, too, ended in disaster. But given that my last 2 relationships of any significant length went ::POOF:: because I either got into them or kept them going for the wrong reason, I don't really trust myself. Also, I have felt like such crap about myself for so long that it's only recently I've even been able to admit I might actually enjoy being with someone again. (It took over a decade of therapy to get there, and there's still work to be done.)

It's not just the guy; in fact, he might be a quarter of it, if that. It's that at my age, I am realizing how important it is to have in my life non-family members who know -- and share -- some of my history. It would be really nice to get reacquainted with people who meant a lot to me and get to know each other as grownups.

Thanks to you both for your helpful thoughts.

Candy honey i reccomend you DO get to know this guy.. from a distance at first. He will prove himself one way or another long before you decide to move there.. have msn convos, write emails, letters, phone convos.. if he REALLY likes you and is interested, he will show it.