[AAAAA]

In an effort to decrease stress in my life I've been unavailable for one of my long time friends. I feel a bit guilty about this but it can't be helped, I have enough drama in my life I just don't need anymore.

So I answered my phone last night without looking at caller ID and it was her. She was so excited to share the news that her oldest son is going to be a father. She knows I love kids and honestly thought that having a new baby around would please me. Can I be happy and look forward to having a new bundle of joy around? No. Can I keep these negative thoughts to myself? No again.

I am seriously concerned for the health and safety of this unborn child. Both of his parents abuse drugs, alcohol and each other for that matter. Neither has held a job. The police are over there on a weekly basis responding to complaints of them fighting. He's got 2 strikes already on felony possession with intent. The "father" calls my friend on a regular basis like a toddler "mom, we're hungry, will you bring us some food."

She somehow thinks that having a baby will make these two grow up. Who thinks like that? Here's your baby and your magic pill that makes you an adult. OH and get this, as serious as can be she says to me: Now that she's preggers, the gf doesn't put up with his crap anymore... she went further to explain that by this she means that the gf is now fighting back. Physically I ask afraid to hear that answer, yep she smacked him in the head with a drinking glass. What kind of an environment is that to bring a child into? (Yep, it came out of my mouth before I could stop it)

I make a lot of blankets and things and she hinted that they'd like some. Now don't get me wrong, I'll take the shirt off my back and help out a hard-working, struggling person. But I will be dipped if I'm going to help a perfectly abled body individual that hasn't done anything to help himself.

She further goes on that now they have a plan. Now that she's preggers she has already applied for state assistance. Once the baby is born the state will pay her to go to college etc. She had an internal ultra sound (because of the ongoing drug use) Friday and was 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

I finally just said that I wished them all the best and I have to go. Too harsh? Come on let me have it.

[steponme]

i don't think you did anything wrong except maybe answer your phone. but i screen my calls and i've done that....
thats sad violent parents are no good plus with drugs ugh...

[JayS]

You did nothing wrong... I would have done and said the same as you... but knowing me I would have said way more then I should.

All I can say is I would hate to be that poor child...he/she will have no real life at all.

[jerrymichele]

AAAAA I really think that you handled the situation well. Actually I'm surprised that you didn't give more of your opinion to her. Have you thought about telling her that you don't want to hear about her kids anymore? Is this the friend who wrecked his mom's car? I know this, if your friend has the police at her house every week, I would let her know not to be bringing that to my house. If those kids are into the dope game she should be doing some intervention, and putting her son into rehab. I would let her know that the drug use will have that baby taken away. Just from what your telling your friends son is going to end up in prison anywase, maybe he'll learn from that. I know if it's a state like Texas, they have a 3 strike law. After your 3rd felony your looking at 25 plus years.

[AAAAA]

Yep, this is the same friend and the same son. I truly have been trying to turn over a new leaf and follow the golden rule if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I'm normally very outspoken, she's known me for more years that I care to admit so she knows this about me.

We also have the 3 strikes rule here, as I've reminded her over and over again when she down plays his behavior. I did make the comment "this is an awful lot of responsibility for a new born to take on." Meaning 1) being responsible for making its parents grow up and 2) snapping its grandmother out of her "funk".

The problem, as I see it, is that she's unwilling to admit 80% of the time that the boy has serious problems. When the police come to check out the noise complaints from the fights, they (police and/or neighbors that complained) are picking on them. "Everyone has fights" yeah, but I've never had the police called because we're fighting so loud that we're disturbing the neighbors. I know for a fact that she gave him a false alibi during a breaking and entering last fall. She KNEW he did it, the stuff was in her house, but she's tired of "the idiots on the police force picking on him."

I just had to get off that phone or I was going to say something that was out of line.

[jerrymichele]

It sounds like she is always going to enable her son. I wouldn't pick up the phone when she calls again either. That child is going to be the one who pays the price for all this. It's really a sad situation.

[NuckingFutz]

wow! These people give white trash like me a bad name (laughter). Seriously though, the main concern is that baby. Can you call cps annonomously and let them know what is happening? That baby is in danger. Can you imagine that household dealing with a special needs child?

[AAAAA]

I HOPE that once the baby arrives my friend's love for her grandchild overrides her enablement of her son. OR that the maternal insticts kick in for the mother of this child. The mother is much younger and entered this lifestyle because of her attraction for this young man (I must confess he is a nice looking man). If these things do not happen I will definately alert the authorities and she knows it. The complaint will be made with my full info.