[salukigirl]

I don't get it!! I go to class monday through friday, tues and thurs have class from 730 am til 1 pm. Not to mention I work in a lab at the university and I am also a delivery driver. So pretty much I NEVER have time to myself. All I ask for is the morning. To wake up....by myself.....watch the news....and eat breakfast. But apparently that is too much to ask! I ask for some time alone which apparently means "please lay on me and talk to me constantly and annoy the hell out of me". Then I AM the jerk for wanting AN HOUR by myself!!

Now apparently I'm a jerk because I wanted an hour to myself before I go to my second job. Why is this such a big deal? How do I get him to just give me some time alone?! What is his problem?! How am I the mean one for asking like four times to be alone and he still wont leave me alone? Then I'm the asshole because that makes me mad! Arrrgggg!!!

[I_WMD]

saluki ,,, I know for myself I need an hour of me time with coffee << Or peeps will know >> back away slowly >>> QUICK !!!

Nothing wrong with wanting to wake up ,, or down time for yourself .

WMD.

[Soidhonia]

(((SALUKI))). It is very hard not to get disturbed when you already have issues and are stressed with no time to yourself to regroup as it is at this time. You need to be sincere to yourself and your relationship, and need to start setting boundaries for yourself in order to get the time you need for yourself with your boyfriend and not have to feel guilty about setting boundaries. Your therapist can be very knowledgable about proceeding in this endeavour, so that you feel safer in embarking in relationship issues that may arise due to setting boundaries. The main concern is not to feel threatened or undermined in setting "Appropriate Boundaries" and time limits or restraints on this relationship, and seek help and advice from your therapist as needed if things get too out of hand for you to handle yourself. Going through what you are going through is not only mentally draining but physically as well, and you need to try to set things straight with your boyfriend before it could lead to mental health or health problems in general, that could have otherwise been avoided. Honesty is very important at this time, you should not delude yourself into believing that you can handle everything on your own, or feel that you need to handle everything on your own without your therapists help. The correct guidance at this time can make things go smoother for you and hopefuly the person you are with as well in accepting the boundaries set forth for the relationship to persevere in the future. Take care of YOU (((SALUKI))). Soidhonia

[Pomegranate]

(((Saluki))) Nothing wrong with your needs and if he doesn't get it, even after you ask & explain to him nicely what you want, then maybe you two aren't a good fit. That would drive me crazy-er.

[spiritual_emergency]

salukigirl: I go to class monday through friday, tues and thurs have class from 730 am til 1 pm. Not to mention I work in a lab at the university and I am also a delivery driver. So pretty much I NEVER have time to myself. All I ask for is the morning. To wake up....by myself.....watch the news....and eat breakfast.

It seems to me that the problem here isn't that you wanted alone-time; it's that he wanted together-time when you wanted/needed to be alone.

How am I the mean one for asking like four times to be alone and he still wont leave me alone? Then I'm the asshole because that makes me mad!

I'm imagining that he felt rejected because he wanted to spend time with you and you pushed him away. Is anybody inherently "wrong" in this situation? I don't think so. I think you're probably both trying to get your individual needs met on what appears to be a tight schedule. Work, school, friends, errands, family, partner, self -- they all have their priorities and there's only so many hours in a day. Add children to the mix and it becomes all the more challenging!

If he can give a bit (allowing you your alone-time) and you can give a bit (ensuring you get together-time) the problem will likely dissipate on its own. That might mean re-ordering your priorities and being open to solutions that allow both of you to have your needs met. For example, you might find that if you cuddle with him for 15 minutes before you get up in the morning, his needs for companionship will be met and that would still leave you 45 minutes to get up, have your coffee, and time to shake the cobwebs from your head. If you set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier, you'd still get your full hour.

Hopefully, the two of you can talk it through and then establish some guidelines that can be respected by the other.

.

[Catherine2]

saluki,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting some time for yourself...for me, it's an essential or my mood turns very sour.

Good advice has been given and I hope you find your answer from one or several of them.
Please remember that you have to take care of yourself first. When you do it, it's easier to negotiate so the needs of others are addressed without draining you.

Best Wishes,

Catherine