[okie]

I'm so sad and feel so hurt and alone right now. My husband of 17 years has cheated on me on more than one occasion. He is in the military and the last time he cheated was almost a year ago when he was in Iraq. And the other woman was 3 years older than our oldest daughter!! I just don't know that I can forgive this time. I have tried, I really have. But I can't seem to shake it. I don't look at my husband like I once did. I used to admire him so much but after all this I can't even make eye contact with him. He said after I took him back that he would do what ever it takes to make things right and we would go to counseling. We have not yet been. He always comes up with an excuse as to why he can't.We are not intiamte due to the reason that I can't seem to bring myself to do be with him. And when I do it's only to to keep himm from bothering me about it. My teenage daughters are a big problem to my being depressed. They want him out of the house because in their words they " like it better when he's not here". My son is only nine and seems to be the only one who really loves me. He has no clue as to whats going on at home as everything happens when he goes to bed. I'm tired, depressed, and very lonely.

[nothemama8]

Have you thought of talking with the chaplin and seeing a marriage counselor, the chaplin can make him go for the counseling
Angie

[okie]

Yes, but like the old saying goes "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink". Well that's the situtation i'm in. He would go only because he has to but he would not participate. He says we need to deal with this on our own.

[MacD]

find a good marriage and family counselor if you're serious.....these wounds won't heal by themselves and you're beating yourself up for mistakes that are not yours.....love yourself.....and get help...or get rid of him.....You Did Not Cause This .....Don't Take The Blame....love grace

i'm so sorry that you are going through this.......i would say that if he won't get some help.........get some for yourself.......you need someone to talk to and a professional could help......and the folks here are always available to lend an ear when needed......we care.......julia

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Okie --

I agree with those who say to get counseling for yourself. You deserve to have support right there for you, as well as here on the Forums.

If your husband will only go to therapy because he "has" to, at least that is a start. I see it as a positive. For some people -- especially men I think -- counseling has a stigma. Perhaps he is using "will only go if I have to" as an excuse, to keep from admitting that there is a problem that needs to be handled, and he isn't sure how to do it. Certainly, getting the horse over to the bucket so that you can splash some water on its lips is better than letting the poor thing's lips get all dry and cracked.

Best wishes for finding the comfort, hope and help you need to sustain you through this challenging time.

[SpazKatt]

*hugs* I'm sorry you're feeling so alone right now!

[misty]

There is so much involved in your type sittuation. Follow your gut. It is ok to insist he go for counseling too ya know!?! Nothing changed til I did.

[okie]

I want to thank all of you for your advise and encouragement. It means alot to me. I have an appointment to see the Chaplain on Tues for myself of course. I can't thank all of you again for being there.

thats what we're here for.....i'll talk to you tomorrow. okay?

[sqrlb8]

Hi Okie, I'm sorry for the painful situation you find yourself in. I have a view on it which, while divergent perhaps, I assure you is not flippant.

As flippant as I might get about it would be to compare your husband's behavior to that of the farm dog who takes to killing chickens; once begun, neither can stop. The farm dog is customarily shot. I don't recommend this for your husband however. My view is not quite that divergent. lol.

But by all means leave him. You don't have to demonize him particularly to do this, although he sounds rather unsavory to say the least. The differences you share about sexual fidelity are the very definition of "irreconcilable differences." Take a pragmatic approach to this and give the "marriage" no more consideration.

Life is short, as they say, but it's long too, and it matters that you never surrender your pursuit of happiness. Go girl. Plan carefully, and be safe. But, go.