[eemapq]

I need some opinions on what to do here. I know I can not live with my husband anymore. I feel bad leaving him with nothing but he is VERY sick.

I have been married almost 3 years with him a little over 4 years. Since I've been with him it's been a consint battle between me and his now 12 year old. His other two boys LOVE me one is 14 and the other is 5. I also have a 9 year old and we share a 2 and 3 year old.

Now he's the sick part. His 12 year old is his little princess. If she wants something EVERYTHING else needs to stop in order for him to take care of her. She's always sitting next to him and has to have her nose in everything he does. She's allowed to wear a bra that is a size too big for her. She looks larger in the chest area than she really is, speghetti stap tops with her bra hanging out, tube tops, see thru tops, and the list goes on. He told me when we first started dating that he had his baby girl in his lap and "it felt like having his first high school love in his lap". She doesn't have to do anything around the house, meals are supposed to be planned around what she likes, she doesn't have to shower, brush her teeth, or do any general care when she's here. He's allowing her to run my life. If she has money come up missing he sits everyone down until it's found, if someone is missing money he says "oh well should've kept it up". I have caught her with my money a silver half dollar that is hard to find in her pocket and he says well we can't prove it was hers. I later stole it back. It's a totally sick relationship. I know he suffers from mental disorders but this is beyond what any sort of normal person might do. Please give me some advice. NOTHING I have tried as helped. I am worried for the both of them, as well as the rest of my family.

[jerrymichele]

Your probably going to get a lot of different replies on this, so I will just say what I think. First thing is I'm a little thrown off by the 12 year old sitting on his lap like a high school sweet heart. That really makes me wonder. Another thing before I go any further, I do have a daughter. Regardless if that is his daughter or not she should show respect to you. I would not bow down to her. As far as her cloths I would have my foot in her butt. My daughter is 17 almost 18, and she KNOWS to dress in a proper manner. Especially when she is around me. You should tell him(maybe you already have) that she needs to be disciplined. Like with you fixing dinner to say, I would tell your husband and the daughter either you eat what I fix or you will go hungry. If you don't like what she's wearing then I would tell your husband that if she is living in my house she is going to dress in a proper way. If she is stealing now the problems will only get much worse if she doesn't start being disciplined. If your husband refuses to listen to you then you might need to take action, and let him know your not going to put up with bad behavior. He shouldn't be letting her disrespect you like that. Not only is she disrespecting you, your husband is to. I bet all the other kids feel left out. What I would do is tell him one more time, and if nothing changed I would leave, and then see what he thinks. My bf has a son with another woman who lives with us, and he knows that he has got to respect me. I'm not sure if this was much help. Keep posting so we know how you are. Take care.

[Slothrop]

What kind of mental disorders does he suffer from?

It sounds to me like she is just spoiled rotten. The inappropriate dress sounds like he is letting her do whatever she wants...it does not necessarily mean he is getting something sick out of it.

The "high school love" comment is a little creepy, but without knowing more, I have no idea if it is a red flag, or just a dumb way for him to have expressed himself.

I think some dads let themselves get into this "princess" situation--and sometimes it goes to much later ages! It's not sexual, but it is dysfunctional.

I think jerrymichele is right...you are well within your rights to apply some of your own rules here. You don't have to put up with his lax approach.

Family counseling might salvage this situation...but getting him on board could be hard. If that doesn't happen, you might want to talk to a counselor yourself and get some support. I hope this does not have to split up the family...the 12 year old could probably use some balance in her life that she is not getting from her dad. Good luck!!