[bridgie]

I know we have only had one date and have only been talking for a cpl months but he hasn't told anyone I'm even a friend. He showed his mom a picture of who he was talking to one day but other than that no one. Not even his best friend. I don't mind that we are still just friends at this point cuz that's where we are but I'm worried about this secret thing. Why doesn't he even want to say I'm just a friend. Instead I'm one big secret. He texts me all day every day. He doesn't call unless I ask him to. Our first date went well and he wants to come back to see me again. Then there is all thi stuff in my mind and I sent him a message about the secret thing saying it bothers me and I hope it doesn't scare him cuz I kinda like him. I even told myself I wldnt be shallow. Or try not to because I use this false shallowness to get out of getting close to potential partners. Ill make up stupid excuses as to why I can't go out with ppl. But this guy I want to talk to I want to hear from and I'm not sure how to do this right now. I'm having problems with my moods and I just carved secret into my body. I don't think I'm ready for this. I think I'm way too messed up to even try. I won't be getting any closer to him for awhile now I can tell. I want to push back. Hold the door in my wall shut so no one can get in. I mentioned him to ppl but I'm a secret. I can't say anything now. Nothing. Maybe trying wasn't such a good idea.

[Shangrala]

One date in a couple months really isn't enough time to determine the path of this relationship.
Maybe he feels equally cautious as you do regarding this, and maintaining this secrecy of his is his way of dealing with it at this point in time.

Try not to jump the gun on conclusions regarding the meaning of his methods of handling this at this time.
Patience is the key. Faith is the focus.

I wish you the best.

Shangrala

[marjan]

Relax and don't feed negative thought....just enjoy it and take one day at a time....

take care
Marjan

[carolinagirl]

relationships. goodness. we all place way too much stock in that latest person we're fixated on.... just live for today and let details work out on their own.... don't think so much.

[bridgie]

I try hard not to worry about stuff. I suppose some cognitive therapy wld do me some good. Help change my thought patterns.

[Zetharon]

personally i think that...maybe it has nothing to do with being a secret, or pushing too hard...
i'm sorry if this might hurt a little but it seems your a bit obsessive? -thats putting it harsh, sorry-

the reason for me in saying this is, maybe he feels that your relationship has nothing to do with other people, maybe he doesn't see you as something to advertise? -please i hope that didn't come out wrong- and you pushing him -in a matter of speaking- into such a deep relationship so quickly, might not be helping...remember, some men are a bit too...carefree on some things, just like woman are on others...he might not have realised before that a simple thing could mean so much to you...

oh and last thought...don't regret or give up so quick, that might push him away more...

[ZeTeBu]

Did you literally mean this "I'm having problems with my moods and I just carved secret into my body..."? If so that's very serious. I would also be very cautious of somebody who only texts but doesn't call. Sounds like he's trying to keep a certain distance.

You need to let him know you are valuable and active socially. Don't wait around get out there and talk to people.

[TwiceBitten]

Perhaps the reason you are a secret is because he is either married or has a regular girlfriend? Just a thought...worth checking out, I think. I was a secret once too. Til his wife found out.

[bridgie]

I know can obsess over things a ltl. I try not to. And yes maybe he dsnt want ppl to know yet. That's feasible. I sent him a message about it and he said he told his dad and one good friend so that is a good start right. I wld hope he's not married or with another woman that wld be very hard on me to find I was the other woman. I had one relationship that my bf cheated and it was horrible for me. I think that's why the secrecy thing is important to me. I don't want it to be one of those relationships. I wld end it immediately if I find it is. I am feeling a ltl better though. The rest is time. I need to give it time. Than you guys for your input.