[Bellatrix00]

After looking back over the last few years (I'm 24) and trying to figure out why my relationships with men fail so quickly, I've come to realize that the main reason that they give seems to ALWAYS be lack of connetion to me/no chemistry. If it was just a couple guys that I heard that from, then I'd think I just simply don't match with those guys. But hearing it over and over makes me think I must have issues connecting emotionally with people. I do tend to be quite shy with guys that I like. But the last one, I wasn't shy with him, we always had good laughs. Our first date we went to the drive in, 2 movies were playing and we didn't even watch the movies because we were too busy talking, laughing and joking around. Yet after a bit he ended it giving me the very familiar reason that "I came to realize that there wasn't a connection"

So, obviously, it's me. Not them. I do know I have issues with making eye contact with people. That's one thing I'll have to try to work on. But does anyone have other tips for connecting with men emotionally? I seem to do well when talking to them over to internet/text but it's the in-person connection I need help with.

[VickiesPath]

From just your one post, it is hard to tell much. The guy you mentioned about the drive in: did you only have the one date? How did you meet? Whose idea was it to go to the drive in? Are you sure that you both were on the same page regarding what the date was supposed to be?

As for me, I think I would have to hear more information about your experiences with guys before I could begin to understand exactly what the difficulty might be.

[Bellatrix00]

Thanks for the reply.

We had a few dates.. maybe 4 or 5. Within one week. All of the dates were his idea. I knew him just through other people (small town) we began talking alot online, he persued me for about 6 months trying to get me to let him take me out. I wasn't interested at first, but became interested the more I got to know him. After a few of our dates I did become a little clingy, but he said it wasn't JUST the clingyness that made him break it off and that it was the lack of connection. And yes we were both on the same page about what the date was supposed to be as he made it very clear that he was into me, and he even used to word "date"

But I mean, my whole point to the thread isn't figuring out what went wrong with this guy. I pretty much have it figured out that I have problems connecting with ALL men in person. That's the reason I seem to get from EVERY guy I like.

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by Bellatrix00

So, obviously, it's me. Not them.

Are you quite certain about that? Perhaps the issue isn't "me" as you say but rather it is "us". I don't have enough info to say what the issue is but perhaps you don't connect with them because they are not the right match for you. I was in a hurry to find a committed relationship when I was your age & quickly married Mr Wrong.

[Pomegranate]

Perhaps it's not you at all, but the kind of men you pick. You might be making the mistake of being attracted to one kind of person, but if you only looked at the important things in a relationship - do you LIKE that person, can you be your true self around him, do you have the same interests, do you have similiar values and goals for the future - you might find that the guys you are attracted to aren't the same guys that would make for a good relationship with you.

Who a person is, is much more important than what someone looks like or how popular they are.

[lynn P.]

What emotions???? LOL (I couldn't resist that one)

[Bellatrix00]

Pomegranate, I actually did fall for this guy because of WHO he is. To be honest, I didn't like him at first in that way at all. Couldn't picture myself with him. But I loveddd talking to him. When someone would ask if I had a thing for him (because I talked to him so often) my exact response would be "I love talking to this guy, he has everything I look for.. but I'm just not attracted to him" As I got to know him more and more... I became attracted to him, I think because his personality shined through. Looks wise, he was the complete opposite of what I look for. He was short, bald, chubby. So to answer your question... yes I like him for HIM. And yes I could be my true self with him. That's what makes this so hard... he just seemed so perfect for me.

lynn, LOL... that made me chuckle

[Pomegranate]

((((((((Bella))))))))) Sorry.

[VickiesPath]

Maybe that's your answer. Maybe you had to look and look until you found something, ANYTHING, that made you attracted to him.

I remember a post someone made here on this forum a while back. Can't remember when or where. But it had to do with passion. Someone said that they were dating a guy who had it all...money, prestige, a future, and no one could figure out why she dumped him. The answer was she just didn't feel a spark. No passion. She ended up marrying someone who she had passion with. And they have been married over twenty years. And they still have the passion.

Perhaps you kept looking and looking for something in the guy to like. And while you were looking, you became attached to him. But he knew right away there was no "connection".

I would tend to agree with Pomegranate. Maybe it is the kind of guys you are picking. Maybe you are picking them for reasons of safety or something else that you use as filtering criteria and it puts them in the "yes" category. Then when you meet, you continue to date them until you find something, anything, that you like.

Perhaps you can explore this further in your own mind? I hope this has helped just a little.